Survivor Heroes vs Villains Episode 3: “She’s A Bitter Old Cougar”


Previously on Survivor, Team Frodo lost another immunity challenge while Team Sauron continued to kick some serious puzzle ass. James, one of the show’s most cherished heroes, turned into a raging lunatic in his very harsh attack on Stephenie. Despite Colby and Tom’s best attempts to save her, she was the next one sent packing. Good. Never liked her. Can the Hobbits bounce back or will the Orcs continue their domination of the Shire?

We start off this week immediately after the Heroes get back to camp from the ugly Tribal Council where James really went after Stephenie. James just says he wants to win. Tom tries to make peace by telling James just to be more “gentle”. They try and let it all go. Tom tells the camera that James’ “nasty, brutish bullying” was uncalled for. I agree. But, it’s time to put on some happy faces and move forward. J.T. tries to cover his butt by apologizing to Tom. They hug it out. Awwwww. Cute.

Colby and Tom then have a little chat. They think they were naïve to think they could play the heroic game again. It has changed. Duh. Have they not watched the last 8 or 9 seasons? Apparently not.

Over at Camp Sauron with the Orcs, Parvati and Russell are giggling and making fun of other people under the shelter. Rob lets us in on a little secret. Watch how people sleep. They cuddle up to their alliances. Jerri and Coach. Parvati and Russell. Rob confesses that he doesn’t trust Russell’s ass at all. And then laughs at him for his tragic Parvati chasing puppy dog eyes.


Back with Frodo and company, it’s a pretty quiet morning. Rupert says he wanted a rainy day so people would be forced to hang out together and get to know each other. Otherwise, they will keep losing. Then, more chickens show up! WTF! Where are these chickens coming from? Let the chase begin! And Tom gets the catch! Don’t worry, the villains are getting their fair share of the chicken action… more just showed up at their camp too.

Coach then tells us that Russell is walking on thin ice because of his relationship with Parvati. She’s too dangerous. Coach says Russell should not be following her or be smitten by her charm. Rob then joins the Parvati bashing party. Looks like the boys are worried about her… and they should be. Russell must be shocked that people see little ol’ Parvati as the big threat instead of him.

In traditional Russell fashion, he runs and blabs the whole conversation to Parvati. She’s not worried. She’s dodged these kinds of bullets before. She tells us she is definitely aligned with Russell, but clearly needs to pull some more people in to shield her. About Russell, she says, “I really do trust him even though he’s a bit of a lunatic”. Love it.

At night, Russell tells us that Rob and Coach think they’re running the show. Of course, only Russell is allowed to run the show, so it’s time for the Russell show. He decides to hide the machete! Oh shit. Here we go again! He’s out to cause conflict just like on his past season. He buried the damn thing! And now he’s talking about hiding Boston Rob’s hat. Oh fuck.

Oh double fuck. Coach is chanting. Seriously. That dude is bat shit crazy.

It’s morning at Camp Sauron and Randy tries to woo the tribe with a giant clam. They don’t seem to care though. Randy’s trying to be nice, but it doesn’t seem to be making any difference. Apparently, unless you can smile like Parvati, nobody cares. Coach then bitches with Randy about how she sits around doing nothing but looking pretty. Girl might be in trouble!

Finally, back at the Shire, Candice confronts J.T. about her position. She doesn’t want to be the low person in the alliance. She doesn’t want to be used just for votes. J.T. then confesses that she is far more “strategical” then he had given her credit for. She scares him. J.T. then tells Cirie a big ol’ lie that Candice doesn’t trust her. Snap. These people keep messing with each other. It’s crazy.

Finally, after all that pre-challenge “strategcializing” (thanks J.T.), we finally get some Jeff Probst action. It’s gonna be a doozey of a challenge. Time to kick the shit out of each other Sumo style. First person into the mud loses. First tribe to 8 wins immunity and reward… their luxury items. Plus some coffee and rice. Hello regularity! The Villains sit out Courtney and Sandra. Game on!

Tom pummels Russell easily. Candice and Parvait get some blurred tits for a while before Candice wins it. Coach and Rupert go at it, Coach wins, but Probst calls a redo. Coach inadvertently used his arm. After some screaming, flexing, and karate chopping Coach actually flips Jeff the bird. LOLs. Back on the platform, Rupert fires back with a quick win. More LOLs as Cirie quickly dispatches Jerri. J.T. then takes out Tyson. Heroes lead 5-0. Amanda comes out and kicks Danielle’s ass. Next up… Colby and Rob. EPIC. Rob puts up a good fight but loses too. 7-0. Then it’s James and Randy. Jerri tells Randy to fight dirty. It doesn’t work. Randy swings for the head, connects, and then James sends him flying. Heroes win immunity!

Too bad there wasn’t a puzzle involved for the Villains to come back with… that was an ass whooping!!! It should be interesting to see them scramble. Can Parvati save herself?

The Villains actually took their loss in stride. They hit the beach and started washing each other off. Then Randy confesses he’s worried because he’s the oldest and an outcast. Plus, he can’t compete with the flirting the girls are laying on the boys. He tries to fuel the Parvati fire… saying they have to take care of her before she has a chance to meet up with Cirie, Amanda, and James. Randy later tells Coach that it will be Micronesia 2.0 if they don’t take out Parvati.

Parvati tries to work Coach over. He says he’s not falling for it. Tyson tells Rob he’s worried about Parvati’s connection to the Micronesia gang and it looks like they’re controlling the Heroes tribe (which they are). He tells Rob that Randy is not dangerous and should stay. Sandra and Jerri are also in the conversation. Sandra says Randy is the weakest and should go. Rob agrees with Sandra. Jerri tells the camera that Parvati is like a virus… she’s roping people in even when they don’t want anything to do with her. Jerri then says she wants to find a way to bottle it up and use it in her real life. More LOLs.


In the jungle, Sandra tells Coach that she’s going with the majority while Rob listens in. Danielle then tells Jerri that Randy should go because he’s weak. Parvati chimes in and says getting rid of Randy will force the Heroes to sit out one of the strong guys in the next challenge. OOOOOH. Good point Parviti! She’s a thinker! Jerri says she refuses to be controlled by Parvati. She wants to punch her in the face. Meanwhile, Parvati tells the camera that Jerri is just a “bitter old cougar”. MEEEOWWW.

Gotta say, it’s been nice to not have this all about Russell for a change. Too bad we have to listen to Coach quote Martin Luther King. OMG. Nobody here is honourable except him. Barf. Vote Coach out!

At Tribal Council Jeff sticks to his same old question about previous alliances. Sandra actually says out loud that everyone is worried about Parvati flipping. Surprisingly, Jerri says physicality is also important because the Heroes are so strong. Sandra and Coach fight for a while about nothing. Then Russell actually says nice things about his tribe. Something about his old tribe being DoDos compared to these people. Then it’s time to vote.

Parvati votes for Randy. That’s all we see.


Jeff reads the votes. Randy. Rob (WTF). Randy. Randy. Randy. Randy. Randy. He’s out of here! Parvati saved herself.

Who voted for Rob? Randy did. He says it was to send a message. Whatever. He says that by refusing to vote out Parvati, the tribe has probably doomed itself.

  • Tanya Newberry

    I am a Survivor freak too. I would have to say Survivor 2, and Jt show and samoa has to be my favorite. I am watching the Heroes vs Villians episode and I hope someone that really plays the game and does what needs to be done out there for 39 days wins. I love JT…He’s my Favorite. I also adore Colby and Russell is cute in a bad way..LOL. Coach is awesome . So good luck to all!

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