And not my nicely shaved ready for action balls, but my unkept 4 month unshaved gorilla balls.
I AM LIVID PEOPLE…not that I didn’t call it. Why would I ever think that America would get it right. I’m gonna keep it real.
I watch tons of these result shows, Idol, DWTS, ANTM, Top Chef, Project Runway…you name them I watch them. But I have never, EVER in my entire life been as disapointed and upset as I was tonight. Even though right before Ryan read the name I knew it would say Kris, I was not prepared for what I would feel after. I was shaking, and then I actually went a little crazy and thought “Maybe it’ll change during the PST airing. Yeah it HAS to be wrong”. No joke. I’ve since regained sanity, which is how I write to you now.
After last night shiteous show, IDOL came back, and came back STRONG for the finale. All the contestants were back and btw, the blonde with the tattoos should have her vocal chords removed. How did SHE make it to the finals. Bad America, bad! That was your first mistake. The funny thing about the finale show, is that it’s actually NOT about the finalists. I have seen a few IDOL finale’s, but this one takes the cake. They had everyone perform, Fergie with the Black Eyed Peas, Cyndi Lauper, Lionel Ritchie, Rod Stewart. But the guests that took the cake, were the two that performed with Lambert, and it was then the I knew he wouldn’t win.
Adam performed with the legendary KISS! KISS MOTHERFUCKERS! KISS PERFORMED ON IDOL! I’m NOT making this up! I totally LOL’d at first, but my GOD they killed it. Lambert even rocked a pair of platforms (which funny enough, were the platforms I believe he wore in a picture as a tranny no?), and even sang BETTER than the band.
The second performer I gagged over, was QUEEN! How fitting, we have the re-incarnated vocal chords of Freddie Mercury in the competition, why not have him front the band for one night. True it was a duet with Kris Allen (who TOTALLY didn’t fit in during that performance. His vocal was all over the place, he knew he wasn’t good), but it was all about Adam and Queen. IMHO, he should be their new frontman. I don’t think anyone would get offended by that, and it was after this thought that a lightning bolt struck my head.
Is it REALLY a bad thing that Adam Lambert didn’t win? After my initial anger, I think the answer is actually…no! I personally think there’s always a conspiracy theory with everything so here’s what I think ACTUALLY happened. The producers of American Idol took Lambert aside and said this “Listen, you actually won, but if you win you’re going to be tied to the Idol contract forever. If we let Kris win, he can actually sing that shitty song, and be the Idol for a year before he vanishes to nothing. But you, you can go on and have the career you actually want to have!” They obviously left Kris out of this, they needed the element of surprise from him, but Lambert agreed to it.
I call it the “Nina Flowers Effect”. Think about it, same thing happened to her on Drag Race. She’s now free to do what she wants, and is booked solid constantly. Whereas Bebe is tied to that Absolut tour, which isn’t as great right? Same deal. Stupid Kris Allen can have his Idol title, and release the crappy Idol album, and come out of the closet in a year whatever. Adam will go on to probably have the biggest career of ANY Idol contestant (besides Jennifer Hudson…who could’ve predicted THAT) because he has the pop appeal, but also the glam rock appeal, and my mother likes him but so do I. Kris had the stupid girl vote, Lambert has the people with actual money and taste vote. Am I right? That’s TOTALLY what the bigger picture is about.
So, even though the IDOL finale was an absolutely incredibly produced show, the outcome sucked major balls. But let’s think of the good! Kris Allen will be gone in less than 2 years, and Adam Lambert losing will be the biggest upset of the year, that he will get SO much press, and will release probably the best possible album he could ever do and in the end, he will be the winner. Sure he isn’t the “American Idol”, but he is the People’s Idol.
OH! And how funny was the Kara and Bikini Girl duet. They totally made that chick look stupid. And Kara totally spanked her in the singing department.
Second OH! How good did Kara sound? And she even looked BETTER than she sounded! Work it out girl! FOCUS!
One thing that I am totally sure of, is that my relationship with American Idol is over. I won’t care to watch the show probably ever again. Quote me on that.