Here we go again. America’s Next Top Model is back. The catfights are back. The stereotypical casting is back. The bitchy blog is back. Tyra Banks is back, but that is the last time we will use her fake name here at Homorazzi. To me, she will always be Tyrant. Why? Because she is a ridiculous caricature, fake, transparent with her editing, and way too prone to stupid gimmicks. Despite all that… we love her. And, we love Top Model. Still. Here we are at Cycle 15 and the show has YET to produce an actual supermodel. A lot of the girls are working, but there has been no Adriana or Gisele or Agyness. Tyrant has never picked a high fashion winner… Jaslene and midget Nicole were close, but not the real deal. Could this year be different? Will Tyrant’s newfound love for high fashion finally give us a REAL model? Or are we destined to relive the CoverGirl slash Walmart slash Seventeen failures of the past? Who else misses Elyse? Sigh.
For all you hardcore ANTM fans out there, I bring you, your first look at America’s Next Top Model Cycle 15’s season premiere. I’m just heading out the door, and don’t have time to do a quick write up. Enjoy the pictures.
Now we know what Tyra Banks will be doing when her talk show ends after next season. Her Fierceness announced today on her website that she has written a novel titled “Modelland“. Her first foray into publishing will combine her two loves, modeling and magic (haha). Think Hermoine attending the magical school of “Haute”warts.
“Modelland” is the first of three fantasy novels TyTy has agreed to pen for Random House. They say write what you know, and Tyra definitely knows the fashion industry. She’s even basing some of the characters loosely on real people and models from her life. Can we expect a Miss Jay caricature or evil witch named Naomi Campbell? Heck, if Lauren Conrad can write a best seller, I’m sure Miss Fivehead can as well.
It wouldn’t be a trip to New Zealand if they didn’t mention Frodo and the gang. This week’s ANTM episode titled “Hobbits vs Models”, takes on the mystic of Middle Earth. On a random note, how awesome would it be to have “The Lord of the Rings” hobbits actually duke it out with the remaining five models. Now that’s a May sweeps stunt I’d love to see. From the pictures released today by The CW, it looks like its finally Tyra’s turn to photograph the women.
If the models are duking it out with the hobbits, who is Tyra’s LOTR equivalent? Cate Blanchett or the talking trees? I vote for the latter. Check after the jump to see which photograph is my personal favorite this week. As always, check back on Thursday morning to read Rich‘s take on the episode.
This has got to be the smartest move Tyra and Bankable Productions have made in the longest time. After a season of rotating guest judges, Vogue’s editor-at-large icon, Andre Leon Talley, is joining America’s Next Top Model for Cycle 14. Fashionistas and Vogue aficionados across the nation were probably wetting their designer panties when news broke out.
Personally, I am over-the-moon excited to see Leon Talley’s quips and critique at panel. I’ve been a huge fan of his ever since I started following fashion watching FashionTV. Besides Anna Wintour, Andre is fashion’s second biggest and most influential voice. He has been a front-row staple at all the major shows in Milan, New York, Paris and London for more than 25 years. In 2007, he was even ranked 45th in Out Magazine’s “50 Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America”.
As excited as I am about Talley adding some actual fashion credibility to the farce ANTM has become, I’m a little worried about all the “testosterone” on the judging panel. Granted, both Jay Alexander and Andre Leon Talley aren’t the most masculine, but it would’ve been nice to hire a former or current supermodel to the mix. I guess Tyra is proving she’s the HBIC- Head Bitch In Charge- and not hiring a female judge. After both former ANTM judges, Janice Dickinson and Paulina Porizkova, publicly spoke out about Tyrant’s diva ways, she’s not risking another potential fallout with a fellow supermodel.
Previously on America’s Next Top It Doesn’t Matter Which Munchkin Wins Because Neither Will Ever Have A Career, the wannabes continued their adventure in Hawaii and Tyrant continued her cheap ass budgeting by eliminating two girls to save some production costs. Jennifer and Erin both got the boot after some hard core hula hip hop nonsense. That left Nicole (the one who can’t take a bad photo) and Laura (the one who wears couture by her Gramma) to duke it out in the finale. Who will win? Who will be America’s Next Top Model?
I have to wonder… does Laura even have a shot? Sure country bumpkin is cute, but Nicole has outclassed her at every turn. Nicole’s Achilles heal could be the CoverGirl challenge. Will it be a photo shoot or a commercial? If it’s a commercial, her awkwardness could result in a Laura upset. And we really haven’t seen enough of them on the runway to know who has a better walk. This could get interesting.
We start off the finale with Laura and Nicole, both in disbelief, talking about being the final two. They’re an interesting pair. Awkward vs Friendly. Edgy vs Commercial. Urban vs Country. Nicole sounds like she’s high and Laura sounds like she’s got a mouth full of marbles. Can either of these girls deliver television campaign? I don’t know.
Previously on America’s Next Top Midget, the girls continued their budget whirlwind through the not-so-fashionista Hawaiian countryside. Tyrant made the girls jump off some cliffs and dive for their photo shoot. Sundai finally got the boot about 9 episodes too late while Jennifer, Nicole and Laura continued to impress. Can Erin and her heinous eyebrows hold on? What’s in store for our final four? Who will be eliminated tonight?
Please note… I had a little too much wine and gin with dinner. Great combo. I hope this makes cents. I mean sense. The credits just started… here’s what my boyfriend had to say about the gloriousness of Top Model… “I hate Tyra. She’s so ridiculous. She’s so… she’s just beyond herself. A caricature. She’s a dumb cunt.” Wow.
We start off this week with Erin discussing how she’s been in the bottom two three weeks in a row. Usually that’s enough to get you sent home, but some how someone else has always sucked harder.
Previously on America’s Next Top Catalogue Superstar, the wannabes made it all the way to Hawaii… the not-so-centre centre of the world’s fashion industry. Lame! Tyrant totally cheaped out on this one. Is she just running out of ideas or does she just not care? Either way, she pissed me off by cutting Brittany instead of Sundon’t… I mean Sundai. Only five wannabe shortels remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We start off this week with a bunch of confessionals from the girls about how exciting/scary/unexpected it is to be in the final five. Even Nicole says she’s shocked. What? Didn’t you see all the fugly no-talent girls that started this Cycle? Sundai then complains about Erin… wondering why she’s still here, but I’m busy wondering why Sundai is still here. I have so much reality TV hate for her.
Back at the Hawaiian abode, Nicole and Jennifer lament the loss of Brittany. Finally! Some sanity! They’re shocked that she went home because she had been so consistent. Amen sisters. Amen.