Previously on Survivor, the producers threw a curveball at our castaways with two tribal councils in two days. Candice turned on her heroic clan just to get voted out the very next day. Then Russell tried to manipulate Parvati and Danielle into a fight. The girls didn’t believe a word he said… so he went to his back-up plan… bullying. Danielle broke down at Tribal which freaked Jerri out. She joined up with Russell, Colby, and Rupert to take out Parvati’s number one gal. Can Parvati and Russell mend their broken fence? Will Rupert and Colby be able to take advantage of the apparent rift with the Villains?

Before we start… I have to tell you that his was one of the BEST Survivor episodes EVER. So much amazeballing. I loved every minute of it. Hold on to your buffs.

The episode started off in the dark back at camp. Parvati confesses that she’s pissed, but she refuses to let Russell know it. She no longer trusts him, but she doesn’t want him to know that. Jerri tells Parv that Danielle messed up… that’s why she changed her vote. Russell tells us that Jerri will do anything he says and now Parvati will have to come crawling back to him. Russell my love… somehow I doubt that very much. Haven’t you figured out that Parvati is WAY smarter than you? After all the confessionals, the three of them pretend to be all nicey nicey. Villains rock.

Then we get some Rupert time. UGH. I have never liked Rupert. I don’t get America’s love for him. He sucks, he’s delusional, and he’s a hypocrite. Rupert tells us that he keeps getting closer and closer to the million. If that happens… fuck.

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With Rich away in Toronto this week, I’m here to recap on the crazy episode that aired last night. After every eviction, the outlook on the next week’s episode looks like there’s going to be a whole hell of a lot of scrambling and backstabbing going on. Last night was no exception.

Right off the bat, Colby and Rupert realize they are the only Heroes left, after Candice switched over, voting with the Villains in the last episode and in turn putting out Amanda’s flame. They are absolutely livid with her betrayal. I don’t necessarily agree. I think she made a bold move, doing whatever she thought would get her further in the game. I didn’t necessarily think Amanda was very trustworthy either anyway. In a nutshell, tell us how you really feel boys…

Colby: “Candice is so weak. She’s so pathetic.”
Rupert: “Self centered, greedy, manipulative. She killed us. Candice is a pitiful player.”

The drama didn’t end there (and this is only the beginning of the episode). Rupert felt the need to call out Russell and his deceitful ways, so the rest of the villains would see his true colors. He called him a “disgusting terrible human being,” in front of everyone, completely stirring the pot and feeding Russell’s anger and desperation. Russell’s game is getting weaker, becoming a bigger threat to everyone in each episode and continuously attempting to instill the fear of God in them, whilst trying to gain their trust.

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Previously on Survivor, Parvati let Russell give her the idol JT stupidly gave to him after she found her own hidden immunity idol and decided not to tell him anything about it. Got that? In a brilliant move after the merge, Parvati handed an immunity idol to Jerri and Sandra setting up JT to be knocked out by his own idol idiocy. When it was all said and done, Russell was pissed. He doesn’t like getting shown up. Why? Because he is the king of Survivor… the best player ever… the most amazing little troll ever to walk the earth… blah blah blah. So over him. Thankfully, Parvati showed us how real gamers play. Are they going to come to blows? Can the Heroes take advantage?

When the gang all returns from the EPIC Tribal Council, the Heroes immediately begin licking their wounds. Candice is congratulating the Villains for a crazy move. She’s clearly sucking up. Rupert is annoyed that the rest of the Heroes didn’t listen to him. Sandra tried to warn them, but they wouldn’t listen. More specifically, JT wouldn’t listen. He pushed back on Rupert’s pleas not to trust Russell. JT got what he deserved.

In the dark, Russell finally gets his chance to confront Parvati. He’s pissed and accuses her of lying to him. She denies any lying and simply tells him to get over it. Danielle backs her up and Jerri wisely keeps her mouth shut. She’s just happy it saved her.

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Previously on Survivor, JT led the Heroes into the jaws of doom. He and his fellowship convinced themselves that an all-girls alliance was in control of the Villains tribe. If they could save Russell from the evil witches then he would flop over to them after the merge. What JT and his hapless crew didn’t get is that Russell is a scoundrel and his accomplice is a pretty girl who is way smarter than any of them. After JT quietly gave Russell his hidden immunity idol, he immediately told Parvati and they laughed their evil laughs. Then she found another one and decided not to tell Russell about it. She laughed some more. Then Courtney got booted setting us up for a five on five merge. Hold on folks… this is going to be EPIC.

We start off at Camp Elin. The Heroes are looking forward to the merge and hoping everything went according to their crazy ass plan. Did Russell survive? Did he blindside Parvati as per the oh-so-cute and earnest note? Did they make the right decision? Pssst… you guys are suckers!

Over at Camp Tiger, the villains get a map and instructions to head on over to meet the Heroes for the merge. The first thing they do is start strategizing. This is why they have the upper hand… even when the numbers are even. Side note. Has anybody else noticed how obscenely LOW Russell’s shorts are? OMG. That’s almost penis. Sorry… back to the show. Russell and company start working on the story they are going to tell in order to explain how Parvati survived. Something about Russell and Parvati both playing idols. Courtney was just collateral damage. Unfortunately for this plan, Sandra is on the outs and is trying to eavesdrop to get some information she can use to help her at the merge. Watch out for that one. She’s crafty.

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Previously on Survivor, the Heroes kept their winning streak going as the Villains fought over who should sit out of challenges. Coach acted generally douchey throughout the whole thing and Sandra was able to turn Russell against the Dragon Slayer. Mercifully, we won’t have to hear from Coach again until the finale. He became the first member of the jury. Who will go tonight? When will the merge happen? Will the Heroes continue to fall for the fake all-girl Villain alliance?

We start this week at Camp Decepticon. The Villains return from Tribal Council and Sandra is thrilled. Jerri is floored and panicked she’s next. Danielle assures her that Jerri is ok and Danielle will never write her name down. Oooh… Danielle’s now making side deals. Russell is not as in control of this tribe as he thinks he is.

When Tree Mail arrives, we learn that the next challenge will be the one where people have to prop themselves up between two walls and suffer on tiny pegs. JT beat Coach when they did this one in Tocantins. The difference this time is that the tribes have to rank each other from weakest to strongest and compete against their counterpart. Russell says he’s the strongest, but also the heaviest. Jerri thinks they should compete with all five women because they’re lighter and have smaller feet. Interesting strategy. Wasn’t it Courtney who won an endurance/balancing immunity challenge in China? And besides, Jerri says the Hero men will all want to labelled as the strongest.

Sure enough at Camp Autobot, Rupert is all about saying he will be the best… ummm dude… don’t you have a broken toe? JT counters that Rupert should be the weakest because this challenge handicaps bigger people. JT is thinking like Jerri. The girls should be ranked higher.

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Previously on Survivor, The Heroes managed to win one and sent the Villains to Tribal Council. Coach acted like a douche, Jerri waffled, and Boston Rob had to face down the evil Russell. Sadly for all of Survivordom, Russell came out on top. Ew. Could you imagine? Heinous. So what now? How many times will we have to listen to the troll go on and on about how amazing he is? The previews promised some drama this week. Bring it. Can the Villains win without Rob? We’ll see.

We start off this week at Camp Volturi. It’s night 18. Russell and Parvati are celebrating their move to get rid of Rob. Russell believes he is controlling the game. Blah blah blah. What’s new. Parvati and Danielle discuss how much they love blindsiding people. Coach is pissed. He says his tribe is full of cowards and calls Russell a bully. Ummm… dude? Didn’t you help Russell by not voting with Rob? Dumbass. I hate Coach. Jerri is just hoping she did the right thing and she’s missing Rob. Coach meanwhile is praying for the merge because he thinks the Villains are doomed.

At Camp Cullen, JT goes looking for the hidden immunity idol despite his earlier promise last week to do it as a group. He’s being a real snake this year. Amanda then goes on a hunt for JT and finds him idol in hand!!! Busted. Then Candice shows up. So much for being sneaky! JT decides to tell the whole tribe that he found it and tells them that the first one that needs it after the merge gets it. Candice is super suspicious though. She doesn’t trust him and tells Amanda they’re lucky she tailed him. Candice wants to work with Amanda to get rid of JT and the idol at some point.

Back with villainous Volturi, the players get a clue to their next challenge and they all guess it’s merge time. They pack up some of their best gear just in case they don’t come back. Smart.

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Previously on Survivor, both tribes went to Tribal Council to kick out some dead weight. The Heroes mercifully sent James and his broken down knee to loser lodge while the Villains went through one of the games most brilliant scrambles. Rob had the perfect plan to boot Russell or Parvati. Russell had the perfect plan to counter the perfect plan. Tyson was the dumb ass that fell for it. And, he paid the ultimate price tonight. How will Rob react when they get back to camp? Will his troops fall in behind Russell? Can the Heroes win a challenge? 
 
We start this week at Camp Luthor. Rob tells us that he was shocked for the first time in three whole seasons playing Survivor. Wow. He was completely caught off guard. He can’t figure out what Tyson did and why. Rob tries to reinforce with Jerri, Sandra, and Courtney that the other three have to go. They seem on board. Courtney tells the camera that Russell, who is a “bandy-legged little troll”, has a little boy crush on Parvati. I love her. So lippy. More Courtney, less Russell please! She then says Parvati clearly has “no problem flirting with ANYTHING that walks” while questioning Russell’s washing habits. Russell must hate watching this at home. He didn’t get a lot of blowback in Samoa during confessionals. He is now.
 
Speaking of Russell, Parvati giggles her sweet giggle and hugs him to death. She IS shameless. Danielle says the Tribal Council was “awesome”. The three of them gloat for a while and then Russell tells the girls they have to work on Jerri. They laugh. They HATE Jerri. At this point, Rob lays it all out for the camera. He knows there’s trouble. He thinks he has the numbers, but the other three wouldn’t be acting so cocky if that was the case. Something is up.
 
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Previously on Survivor, the Villains kept kicking some puzzle ass and the Heroes kept losing. That’s ok because I’m in love with the villains. Team Heroes is more Team Douche… and that’s saying a lot because Coach is actually the Duke of Douche. So far, the Heroes have lost Sugar, Stephenie, Cirie, and Tom. Who else will they lose tonight? Or, can they get their shit together and send those dastardly villains to Tribal Council? And how will Russell’s hidden immunity idol come into play? Let’s find out!

We start off this week at Camp GI Joe. James asks Colby if he wants a hug. LOLs. I’d watch that. Sadly, Colby says no. Candice is conflicted about her vote. She wanted to get James out, but didn’t want to face the anger back at camp if she flipped, so she played it safe. Amanda confesses that she is sick of Candice and nobody trusts her.

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Previously on Survivor, Cirie got out-Ciried by J.T. who made a move with Tom’s hidden immunity idol. Meanwhile, Boston Rob led the charge not to even look for the damn thing at their camp… pissing Russell off who will stop at nothing to find it. We’re clearly heading for a showdown between those two, but how will James, Amanda, and Rupert react to J.T.’s flip flop?

We start this week with Team Vulcan coming back from Tribal Council. Colby is bragging about the successful turnaround, calling J.T. a “hero”. J.T tells the group that he didn’t do anything for personal reasons… just that he had to get rid of Cirie… for the team. Yeah right. Just say she was a threat and be done with it. Rupert says he’s pissed and sets his sights on J.T.

The next morning, Amanda tries to check in with J.T. He’s clearly not done playing both sides. He tells her he will never turn on them. He swears over and over that it’s the truth. Amanda does what she does best… pouts. We know it’s an act though because she immediately tells us in confessional that she sees right through him. She says “game on”.

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