I am getting sadder and sadder with this show. And, while me saying that seems to prompt many out there to cry out: “Why the hell do you still watch it?”, well, honestly, because I’m hoping against hope that something might change. Maybe I’m waiting for enough of the still-there crap singers (Shannon and DeAndre) to go, or maybe I’m waiting for the sponsors to threaten to pull advertisement unless British perv and autonomous train wreck Nigel Lythgoe is fired as Executive Producer. Either way, I’ve put in way too many seasons into this show to quit now so you’re gonna have to keep dealing with my rants.
Today’s show was at least a touch spicier with the dramatic expulsion of one of the (worst) singers, Jermaine Jones, for a very checkered, criminal past- but even that was ruined by the show itself as it manages to ruin every aspect of reality left in this thing we call American Idol. Regarding the rest of the kids, well it was god-awful Birthday Week as they sang tunes from the year of their birth (puke) and man oh man did most of them screw that assignment up. I’m not sure if Idol isn’t shelling out enough dough to get real options for these contestants or what, but more that half of tonight was unrecognizable. That said, there were a few goodies, as some of the real talent on this show still manages to shine in this mire of blech. Out of protest for the new discovery from last week that the JUDGES control who goes ultimately every week (why does American even vote!?), I’m not referring to the idiot panel of 3′s opinions this week and who the hell cares what Will-I-Am thinks? Here goes!
RIGHT AWAY I have to ask: Ryan Seacrest, who the hell did your makeup tonight because you look like Ronald McDonald with that foot height of hair and pancake pale makeup. Second, holy crap, how awful was their group performance? Singing god knows what, the Top 13 prove that just because you slap kids (some) with talent together doesn’t mean you necessarily have the making of an actual band or even a real performance. Their vocals and tones were all over the place and honestly the only two I didn’t want to kill was Elise and Phil because their undeniable voices stood out as unique and poignant where the others got lost in the shuffle. What a terrible start.
As you can see, I’m no nonsense today. As Idol attempts to tell us we’re in for a “real treat” as Boys are pitted vs. Girls only to have the judges ultimately decide who goes home, what we ACTUALLY are getting is Exec Producer (I know, I know, I won’t leave him alone- but for good reason), Nigel Lythgoe saying “Hey America, we don’t want you in charge anymore.” It’s ridiculous how silently they’ve passed off this massive change in the format of this show. American Idol is suppose to be about America’s next Idol as chosen BY America. But, nope. With the rise of sites like “Vote for the Worst” et al., it’s clear to see that the producers don’t want to risk good TV performers going home (you know Nigel is even American… she doesn’t even go to this school!). Please note that I did not say the BEST performers but rather the best TV performers. That’s why people like Brielle and her pageant mom get to have more screen time than they ever ever deserve. But, that rant over: let’s get to the night’s results!
FINALLY WE’RE HERE!
Auditions, Group Week and Boys vs. Girl all over, we’re finally at what
Randy, Steven and Jennifer *cough*Executive Producer, Nigel Lythgoe*cough* have decided are the TOP 13 of thousands and thousands of contenders, and all I can say is that they better ba-ring it cause there’s been more than just a few true talents knocked to the wayside these past weeks. Still, while many of my favourite pics have made it this far into the game (see Phil Phils, Erika, Elise and Skylar), there are MORE than enough WTFs entries still in this game (see DeAndre , Shannon and Jermaine) that prove Idol is not strictly talent but includes a dollop of pandering and commercialism to boot. Still, I have faith and I hope it all comes together tonight as the remaining boys and girls take on some pretty damn big names in the industry.
So, yes, Stevie Wonder has had many a hits (I actually have no clue, I’m sure as we watch tonight I’ll come to realize that he’s written way more than I ever knew) but the real attraction of tonight’s episode is the girls as they take on the recently passed and nearly impossible to match Whitney Houston. Having recently re-watched “The Bodyguard”, I’m well-aware of just how epic and huge the songs of Miss Houston are and these girls are gonna have their work cut out for them. Seeing it a bit as a double-edged sword as these covers are going to get them a ton of attention but also that there’s SO much to live up to with Whitney’s extremely recent death, I’m betting the ladies are either going to shine or crash and burn. As far as the boys are concerned, I only really care about my bf Phil and a bit Colton, unless the rest can start manning up their talent and prove they have the chops a lot of these women do. Well, enough rambling, let’s get to the songs!
Well, it was the fullest week of Idol we’re gonna get this year: 6 hours of singing, screeching, tears and tragedy and what do we have to show for it? Well, a Top 13 for one, and a whole lotta kids that needed to go are GONE. Tonight’s result show is the culmination of over two dozen final audition attempts by the Top 25 remaining boys and girls in the competition as they vie for America’s attention during this pinnacle week where the chosen few get halved.
If you’ve been following my recaps this week you’ll know that both myself and many of the readers have been incensed at the over-production of grand master exec producer Nigel Lythgoe, annoyed with spurious choreography and showboating, shocked by song doubling and utterly disappointed in the lack of effort and talent put forth by a group of singers titled “America’s Best” by our trio of judges. FINE, yes, there were a few good ones: Phil Phils, Jessica, Erika and Elise (oh, how I’ve forsaken my gender), but overall the ridiculousness far outweighed the brilliance. But, never fear: Elimination Day is here!! I’ve been banking on America to heed my desperate call to cull of so much crap we’ve seen these past few days to what will hopefully be the TOP 13 this show has to offer. So, let’s get to what happened on tonight’s live episode!
THE AUDITIONS ARE FINALLY OVER!! Well, after this final review that is. Typically, the loyal viewers of Idol fall into two groups: those who like the try outs and those who prefer to jump on the wagon once the messes have been sorted. I have always been one to like finding the stars early, before the producers, stylists and makeup men and ladies take hold and change everything about them. So, as we hit the final audition city of St. Louis, I have high hopes that maybe SOMEthing worth a snuff will show up.
A pretty established city for talent and performers who do well enough in past seasons, I’m slightly optimistic going into this but considering the awfulness of the last 6 cities (save for Galveston), that optimism is VERY limited. So, let’s take a deep breath, take a few shots of whatever says at least 80 proof and dive into this the final night of what might go down as the lamest series of auds ever recorded.
Oh Idol, what a roller-coaster of lameness and slight peaks of excitement you’ve sent us on thus far. Thank FRIG for Galveston, Texas last week cause otherwise my coverage today might have been a lot more disenchanted and in my world that equals complete and utter bitchiness. So, for the talent’s sake, it’s a lot better I go into this with an open mind… trust me.
I’m slightly more excited this time around that they’re auditioning so close to my hometown in a great city I love to party in… though, once again they choose a slightly no-starter town and state: Portland, Oregon. Yes, the land of Dr. Kevorkian and a mecca to married lesbians everywhere, Portland has many an interesting thing to offer but an abundance of star-worthy talent isn’t typically what comes to one’s mind: at least not mine. Still, I’m banking on this whole Texas episode thing as being a turnaround moment for this show and hoping against hope that we see something valuable in this “jewel” of the northwest as Ryan so scriptedly puts it.
A little late in posting, sorry about that folks, but I was so taken aback by the actual appearance of talent in the most recent foray into Texas tunes that I had to sit in astonishment most of today!
Where Aspen was the city that taste and talent forgot, it was proven last night that definitely everything IS bigger (and better!) in Texas! Even the judges themselves seemed to be more/actually aware of the true singers they had in front of them this time around and weren’t just passing out golden tickets like so many 5cent candies.
What I take from this experience is (sorry Nowheresville) that Idol REALLY needs to hit the big cities more often. While I love San D and the hills of Colorado, those aren’t place you go to for talent: those are places you go to drink ;)
Another day, another desperate load of kids hoping to make it big. Maybe Colorado will actually offer us some real contenders this time around for the winners circle! Thus far, as you can read from my reviews, I’ve been pretty unimpressed with the “best singers” as chosen by the judges: good looking, sappy stories and begging seems to be the key to making through to the second round. I need me some ORIGINAL sounds and unique personalities and so far, short of one or two girls I’ve mentioned in past articles, I haven’t seen that star yet.
So, it’s time to try out Aspen. Also, really? Aspen? I’m sure it’s not, but I have this image of a tucked away snowy town that’s only accessible by one, rocky road… I know that makes no sense, but how did the infamous ski slopes of Asp get chosen? I’m honestly starting to question that there isn’t some weird marketing or cross-promotion thing going on behind the scenes but who really cares. Let’s get to what you’re here for: me complaining about the awful auditions.