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I had such high hopes for the live adaptation of Jem And The Holograms. But just as I feared, it appears it’s going to be one hot mess. This isn’t anything like the 80s cartoon beloved by so many.

Where in the hell is Synergy and more importantly, The Misfits? So not truly outrageous. If anything, the film looks like a poor man’s Josie and the Pussycats. Remember that Rachel Leigh Cook and Rosario Dawson flick?

Movie Synopsis

As a small-town girl catapults from underground video sensation to global superstar, she and her three sisters begin a one-in-a-million journey of discovering that some talents are too special to keep hidden. In Universal Pictures’ Jem and the Holograms, four aspiring musicians will take the world by storm when they see that the key to creating your own destiny lies in finding your own voice.

The film stars Aubrey Peeples, Hayley Kiyoko, Stefanie Scott and Aurora Perrineau as Jem and her band mates. Molly Ringwald, Juliette Lewis and Ryan Guzman play supporting roles. Not even if Guzman appeared full frontal would I be remotely interested in this. Well, maybe I could be persuaded 😉

Scooter Braun, Justin Bieber’s manager, is one of the producers of the film. Dude needs to put away for life for this blasphemous version. Jem And The Holograms hits theaters in December 2015. Check out the first trailer below.

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James Marsden Heads Into The Grizzly Maze

In: Donovan, Movies

Into the Grizzly Maze practically had a different title for every year it’s been on the shelf. Since James Marsden filmed the action thriller in 2012, it’s been previously titled Red Machine, Endangered, and Grizzly. All this doesn’t exactly scream box office blockbuster.

The premise isn’t all that engaging as well. It’s about two estranged brothers who reunite at their childhood home in the Alaskan wild and find themselves stalked by an unrelenting grizzly bear. Why on earth would anyone enter an area called ‘Grizzly Maze?’ Seems like you’re just asking to be an appetizer for these carnivores.

Movie Synopsis

“In the action thriller ‘Into the Grizzly Maze’, a deputy whose mission is protecting the threatened grizzly bear suddenly finds himself conflicted when a massive rogue grizzly wreaks havoc on a local Alaskan community. Enlisting the help of his estranged brother, he enters the labyrinthian Grizzly Maze to track down his wife, who’s gone missing, before the bear does. As the body count mounts and an infamous bear hunter enters the fray determined to take down the bear he’s been waiting for his whole life, no one is safe in the harsh Alaskan wilds.“

Thomas Jane, Billy Bob Thornton, Piper Perabo, Scott Glenn, Adam Beach, Michaela McManus and Kelly Curran round out the cast. Into the Grizzly Maze is being released in limited theaters this summer via Vertical Entertainment on June 26th, 2015. Check out the trailer below.

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I’m sure it’s only a prosthetic, but Chris Hemsworth’s huge schlong steals the show in the first trailer for the Vacation reboot. All you size queens will be salivating as the 31-year-old Aussie flaunts that mammoth penis in his boxer briefs.

The new generation of Griswolds is on the road to Walley World and hitting more than a few bumps than Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo experienced in the original 1983 version. And for some reason, they all seem to be sexually related.

Ed Helms and Leslie Mann play the grown up versions of Rusty and Audrey Griswold. Chase and D’Angelo reprise their roles and are joined by Charlie Day, Christina Applegate, and Hemsworth. Vacation hits the road on July 29. Check out the red band trailer below.

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Is there anything this woman can’t do? Just looking at the poster, I buy Meryl Streep as a musician who abandoned her family to pursue her superstar dreams. She makes everything she does look so effortless. The 67-year-old Oscar winner channels her inner rock star for Ricki and The Flash.

Movie Synopsis

In an original and electrifying film loaded with live musical performances, Streep stars as Ricki Rendazzo, a guitar heroine who made a world of mistakes as she followed her dreams of rock-and-roll stardom. Returning home, Ricki gets a shot at redemption and a chance to make things right as she faces the music with her family.

The film boasts quite a pedigree behind and in front of the camera. Academy Award winning director Jonathan Demme helms the Diablo Cody-penned screenplay. Kevin Kline, Audra McDonald, Rick Springfield, Sebastian Stan and Streep’s real-life daughter round out the cast. Ricki and the Flash rocks out in theaters on August 7. Watch the trailer below.

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Magic Mike XXL Drops Second Teaser Trailer

In: Donovan, Movies

As Jada Pinkett Smith so eloquently says, “It’s not bro time, it’s showtime.” Time to make it rain again, bitches!!!

The second teaser trailer for Magic Mike XXL just dropped. It still doesn’t give away too many plot details, but does it really matter? I’d pay just to see Channing Tatum and his brigade of greased exotic dancers grind the floor (and me hopefully) for two hours. The new promo does, however, introduce us to Smith’s character. She’s the male revue’s hype man woman, standing in for a MIA Matthew McConnaughey.

In other Magic Mike-related news, the studio released the Star Wars-inspired poster above a few days ago, on the faux May The Fourth Be With You holiday. “They’ve got all the force you need,” tweeted the film’s official Twitter. Check out the teaser trailer #2 below.

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The first two San Andreas trailers featured a cover of “California Dreamin‘” in the background. Initially, people thought that version was recorded by Lana Del Rey. Rather, Robot Koch & Delhia de France were responsible for the haunting cover.

For the latest trailer, a new rendition of the Mamas and the Papas tune appears. The one and only Sia puts her spin on the 60s classic for the film soundtrack. I understand why producers enlisted the Aussie singer. Everything she touches these days turns into gold. Plus, she’s a bigger name

Based on the short snippets, both slow-downed versions share the same eerie emotional quality. I’ll wait until I hear the entire thing to pass full judgement. Preview’s Sia’s recording below and listen to Robot Koch & Delhia de France’s full version as well.

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Vin Diesel Is The Last Witch Hunter (Trailer)

In: Donovan, Movies

Vin Diesel takes a momentary break driving fast cars to stop an uprising of witches for his new movie, The Last Witch Hunter.

The 47-year-old actor (he looks great for his age) is an immortal witch hunter, the last of his kind. Set in modern day New York, he is tasked with the job of coming between the covens of New York City and their goal to destroy humanity by way of a horrific plague. In order to accomplish this he must partner up with a beautiful female witch (Rose Leslie), something that he thought he would never do.

Elijah Wood and Michael Caine also star in the film. The Breck Eisner-directed film hits theaters on October 23. Just in time for Halloween. Check out the trailer below.

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What’s better than one Tom Hardy? Two Tom Hardys, duh 😉

The 37-year-old English actor gets his kray on (literally) in Legend. He’ll play real life gangster twins Ronald and Reginald Kray. They’re not exactly the literary detective brothers, the Hardy Boys. Rather, these notorious siblings terrorized London during the 1950s and 1960s.

Brian Helgeland who’s given us L.A. Confidential and Mystic River, penned the film. Taron Egerton and Emily Browning co-star with Hardy. It has no US release date as of yet, but it’ll hit theaters on September 11 in the UK. Check out the trailer below.

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