There’s nothing better than having a really good gay friend. Although I have been out for almost eight years, it is only in the last few that I’ve really found what it is to connect with another gay guy in a non-sexual way. Below is my list of best things I’ve learned through my gay friendships:

The Mark – Gossip is bad…but oh so good

We spend our days talking to other people and it’s just natural that we end up talking about others at points. Gay guys are great at getting people to talk to them – people love us and want to tell us their secrets. Maybe not always such a good idea…we’re sharers. When I was younger my friend Mark and I thrived on knowing all the good gossip. Since we’ve grown up I think we’re both quite a bit more careful with the information people share with us – but it’s still great to be in the know.

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When your Ex Starts dating your Ex….

We all know how small the gay world can be, and we must quickly adapt to the odd 3, 4 or even 5 way sex triangles between friends. But I have encountered a new strain of bad dating etiquette, What happens when your ex starts dating your ex?

Now to clarify the term ex. I’m not talking about going on a couple dates with someone, then a couple dates with someone else and those two hook up. I mean One year + long  term relationships now dating each other. I can’t help but ask myself “is the dating pool really that small?” I do understand that there is sometimes slim pickins out there, but there are dating rules like “You don’t sleep with your friends ex’s”, but I never imagined to have an ex-boyfriend date another ex-boyfriend… It would be like Jennifer and Angelina all of a sudden moving in together and raising her 12 kids, I know Brad would think it’s hot, but to me just the thought of it would make my head explode.

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San Francisco State University conducted a study on the frequency of open relationships among gay couples. In a recent article in the New York Times, they describe the findings:

“The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.”

The study will be released this month, which will finally shed some light on a topic that I feel has been taboo for too long. The study says that for many of the couples, they have stronger, longer lasting, and more honest relationships as a result. They almost always have rules to play by. When straight people do this kind of thing, people call it cheating or having an affair, whereas in the gay world it doesn’t have such a negative connotation.

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Is there a nice way to tell someone you have gone on a date with that your not interested?

So I have recently become single again, after the end of my 3 year relationship and am hitting the dating scene again, and to be honest, it has not been a great experience so far! I’m not in a rush to get into another relationship, just need something to keep my mind off my ex, keep me busy and it can’t hurt to get back out there and meet some new people. A little fun couldn’t hurt either, if you know what I mean, ha!

I have been doing some online dating, its challenging to say the least, but I did meet my ex online so there is some hope. I went on a few dates over the past few weeks - the first one went really well actually however I just wasn’t feeling ANY attraction at all, which is not a good sign right? So after the date, he said “we should do this again” which I responded to with “yea, for sure!” as I was still not sure how I felt about him at that point. He followed up with several messages afterwards and when he asked to see me again, I let him know that I just wasn’t feeling it, but it was good meeting him. He responded with a big, bitchy “Whatever” and didn’t say another word. Rude.

The next guy was WAY too old for me, like “Daddy” old, and I was just hoping he didn’t ask to see me again at the end of date, which thankfully he didn’t, and I just followed up online afterwards. I told him I wasn’t feeling it and it was great to meet him and he responded really well with a similar response – perfect!

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Why I don’t have a boyfriend

One of my friends asked me “So, Justin, how many boyfriends have you had?”

My answer was none.

I turn 26 on Wednesday the 15th, and I have been out of the closet since I was 19. I have not had a single boyfriend. I have accomplished a lot in those 26 years; I’ve successfully completed two university degrees, ran my first 10K this year, and organized with the help of others, the first Pride service at my church. Many of my friends wonder why I’m still single.

The reason is that I don’t feel I have the maturity or the self-love to handle a boyfriend.

One potential danger in relationships is that one partner can become emotionally and psychologically dependent on another. This happens when one partner lacks sufficient self-esteem for himself. As such, he turns to his partner to be an emotional crutch, holding him up so that he does not sink into depression or anxiety. The other partner becomes emotionally drained and the relationship ends up being unhealthy for both individuals. For me, my yearning for intimacy is a mask for my cry for self-affirmation. To quote a famous man, we are called to “love our neighbour as ourselves.” But we can’t love our neighbours or our lovers, unless we can genuinely love ourselves.

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Recently, my Texas ex from 5 years ago came to Vancouver for a “surprise” visit. It had been years since our break up and almost as long since we’ve connected.

Rewind to 5 years ago when I boarded a plane, that stopped down 3 times before it arrived at George Bush Airport (IAH) in Houston. I knew I had to do it, he had no clue. I kept hoping the aircraft wouldn’t be able to sustain being airborne, as a crash was about to happen either way. After deplaning, I waited to be the last one off….took the long walk down the arrivals hallways and was greeted with his big ol’ Texas grin.

I told him right then and then. He wasn’t the one.

He cried. I cried. He begged me to just fake it for the evening as his family planned a huge BBQ with relatives waiting for us to come back. I couldn’t do it, nor would I, simply to have the truth come out later. Could you imagine, people taking pictures of us and video cameras rolling as we sat there lying?? It’s like going back into the closet. I felt awful, my heart hung low and I tried so hard to keep it together while waiting to get back onto the next dreaded flight home. “The least I could do was break up with him in person” I thought to myself, a phone call or e-mail just didn’t seem right.

FFW to now, and seeing him… it was lovely. We talked about old times and got caught up on each other’s lives. But if I could go back in time, to that version of Jonny, waiting for that trip back home, I would tell him “I’m proud of you”. I made the right decision after all. Hard choices are sometimes the ones that truly set you free. Thank GAWD I listened to my soul and my inner truth. I couldn’t be happier with where the path has brought me today.

All My Exes Live In Texas

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