funny or die

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Okay, you probably already know what a Fleshlight is, but in case, I’ll fill you in. Okay, here we go… Fleshlight is a brand of male sex toys where a flashlight shaped cylinder with an inner sleeve made of flesh-like material is used for masturbation. There are several different shaped orifices for you to choose from (vagina, mouth, anus, etc.) for you to insert your…rod into. You then pretend like it’s the real thing, and presto! LOL. Whew, that was a mouthful (that’s what she said…).

ANYWAY, in this new Funny or Die video / mock movie trailer, a guy’s world is turned upside down by a Fleshlight after he uses it. Here’s the plot: “When Daniel James discovers a magical Fleshlight, he thinks that he has found a way to fulfill his ultimate fantasies, but when he comes upon its real power he must make a choice between the girl he lusts for and the girl next door.” Check out the hilarious video below. The Fleshlight can also be used with The Tuggie.

Video after the jump…

Rap trio The Beastie Boys have always been well known for their music but also, for their eye popping videos that accompany their unique sound. Their latest clip for Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win is no exception to that rule. Following up their star-studded video for Make Some Noise off their latest album Hot Sauce Committee Part 2, the boys get action-figured for some thrilling gun slinging and high speed chasing.

Directed by Spike Jonze with a screenplay by Adam Yauch, we see the boys being hunted by a military strike command. After a failed attempt to off them at an outdoor concert (featuring Santigold), the boys and military are off in a high speed chase in the snow. The end result is nothing short of an amazing parody of G.I. Joe meets the A-Team. Well worth the watch.

Check out the new Beastie Boys video here…

So, you have your junk hoarders, cat hoarders, animal hoarders…what else could there be? Well, in this new Funny or Die video, we take a closer look at the “Untold sTori” behind the closed doors of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott‘s home. Tori Spelling hoards gays. LMFAO. It’s been a problem for quite some time, as the gays have been an important part of her life, but it’s just getting out of control. They’re everywhere (even in the walls) and Dean had to call the experts from A&E’s Hoarders to help address the situation. As they’re getting rid of all the gays, I laughed so hard when Dean says to one of them, “Can you please let go of my cock?”

After the help of friends and family, 237 gays are rescued. Since Tori did such a great job, the Hoarder expert lets her choose one gay to keep and she does just that. Wondering who it is? Hint: He’s famous. Watch the hilarious video below to find out who it is. I love Tori & Dean.

Video after the jump…

In this faux movie trailer by Funny or Die, the sexy Taylor Lautner stars in “Field of Dreams 2: NFL Lockout“. When Lautner, disappointed about the NFL lockout, starts hearing voices in his corn field (Kevin Costner-style), he plows….(hold that thought for a moment before I finish the sentence)… a football field into his corn acreage. “If you build it, they will come,” and that they do. A bunch of idled NFL players show up on his property ready to play: Tony Gonzalez, Ray Lewis, Steve Smith, Dwight Freeney and DeSean Jackson. Lautner struggles to maintain his household with all of these men that are all of a sudden crashing at his place, getting tackled several times in the process.

On top of those familiar faces, you’ll also see Dennis Haysbert (the former President on “24” and the guy from all of the Allstate commercials – “Are you in good hands?”) who takes on the James Earl Jones role and tries to explain the labor situation. There are more familiar faces in the film, including Kevin Costner who shows up towards the end. What role does he play in this faux film? You’ll have to watch to find out. Also included below is a video of “Behind The Scenes” footage and one of “Deleted Scenes“. Enjoy!

Watch the videos after the jump…

“Do you find the Snuggie too restrictive for certain activities? Sounds like you need a Tuggie!”

The Tuggie is the evolution of the popular wearable blanket, The Snuggie. Some people found the Snuggie to restrictive for “certain activities” so they added a third hole – in the crotch area. This is perfect for when you want to “read a magazine,” or “work at the computer“, all in the comfort of a blanket.

In this mock infomercial Funny or Die video, the guy that the voiceover man is speaking to is clueless as to what the third hold would be used for. Although it’s blatantly obvious, he still doesn’t have a clue and the voiceover man clearly can’t come out and say, “It’s for jerking off.”

Watch the video below and order your Tuggie today! (just kidding, it’s a joke. Cut a hole in your Snuggie if you need to that bad).

Watch the video after the jump…

In December of last year, we learned that Hugh Hefner, Mr. Playboy himself was engaged to be married to then girlfriend, Crystal Harris. If you watch Holly’s World on E!, you’ll know that Holly Madison didn’t take the news very well after being Hef’s #1 girl for many years (even thinking about marrying Hef herself). When she learned that Hef was happy, she wished him well and went on her way. I wonder what Holly is thinking now?

With only 5 days until the Playboy Mansion’s backyard was to be turned into a wedding wonderland, Crystal suddenly had a change of heart and decided yesterday to call off the entire shindig opting not to wed Mr. Hefner. How did we all find out? The only way anyone gets any reliable info these days… Twitter.

Hugh took to his Twitter page to deliver to the word everyone tweeting: “The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart.” In an awkward coincidence, Crystal’s single Club Queen also became available on iTunes. Did Crystal decide that pursuing her music career was more important than living in the shadow of being “Mrs. Hefner”?

More on this story and Crystal’s “Club Queen” after the jump.

Sports Stud: David Wright

In: Patrick, Sports & Health, Totally GAY!

This handsome Major League Baseball player you likely recognize as third base for the NY Mets. His name is David Wright (or Mr. Wright Now… as many can only dream). He’s 28 years old and he was drafted to The Mets back in 2001, making his MLB debut in 2004. Had he not been drafted by The Mets, he had originally planned to go to Georgia Tech and major in engineering.

Unfortunately for Wright, a couple weeks ago it was found that he had a stress fracture in his lower back. As a result, the injury may force him to miss out on many games in this 2011 baseball season.

As a MLB player, he of course makes a lot of money. In addition, as part of the endorsement deal that he had with Vitamin Water, he owned 0.5% of the company. When the company was sold to Coca Cola for $4.1 billion, he then made $20 million on the deal. Cha-ching! Although he makes a lot of money, he goes to bat for some great causes as well. He started the David Wright Foundation whose mission is to increase awareness about multiple sclerosis and to raise money for multiple sclerosis organizations and projects. In 2008, he even was recognized as “Sports Humanitarian of the Year”.

More photos after the jump…

Funny Or Die: Hungover With Bridesmaids

In: Patrick, Videos

I have to say I’m a fan of these Funny or Die and CollegeHumor funny faux interviews as a way to help promote upcoming movies. Remember the “You Again” one? I died.

This weekend, Bridesmaids opens up in theatres and today we share with you Funny or Die’s “Hungover With Bridesmaids”. The interview that chats with the cast is beyond hungover after having attended a wedding the night prior and slept with a guy named Kyle. The cast, which includes Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph among others, try to push through the interview as best they can with the trainwreck interviewer they’re stuck with. What advice do they have for her? Find out below.

I’m watching a screening of the film tonight so watch for my review this Friday. I have a feeling this movie is going to make me shed some tears…of laughter.

Video after the jump…

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