debateSo Adam and I were having a “debate” on the phone the other day – seems to be our new thing. Basically we don’t see eye to eye on how to deal with and resolve conflict, and how to forgive. Without getting into specifics, Adam has the tendency to easily start ignoring people or stating they are “dead to him” if they do something that bothers, angers, or hurts him. He used to expect that people take his side and not talk to this people as well – which wouldn’t happen of course because otherwise due to the frequency of these occurrences, we’d have no friends. These mini-dramas would usually last a week or so. There are of course others, not in our immediate group of friends, that he has made “dead to him” and he no longer associates with them, because he cannot or does not care to forgive them. I guess a person is entitled to make their own choices – but the frustrating part is that everyone else is affected by these choices. We can’t invite, bring up in conversation, hang out with, or worst of all date anyone that has made it onto Adam’s hit list, for fear of starting an argument with Adam, having him feel like we don’t care about what they may have done to piss him off, or worst of all, making it onto Adam’s hit list ourselves. Anyone that Adam has gone on dates with where it doesn’t end up working out, gets an automatic free pass to Adam’s hit list. What happens when you make it on this list? Deleted friend from Facebook. Removed from phone. Will now refer to them as Hitler. And can no longer be brought up in conversation without reference to what they did, a rumor about them, their least flattering quality, or all of the above.

Read the rest of this entry »