In a recent relationship (that obviously blew up in my face), I was confronted by some interesting behaviour that I’ve been subject to over a dozen times lo my many dating years: the wandering eye of a new beau. Before we make the easy joke that I’m“clearly not enough man to keep the new guys interested”, I’d really like to ask you boys: is it okay to flirt with or fawn over other guys in plain site of your new man in the early stages of your relationship? To put some details to my histrionics, I had been on three dates with a great guy and finally stayed over at his for the first time and we went out for breakfast the next morning. Everything was on track: I was smitten, things were moving along nicely and I’d even deleted my Grindr and Scruff thinking this could be a good one. And then, he started talking about the hot bartender from the night before… Mid hash brown, the man I had slept with the night before and was about to spend the day with, started to go on about how “god damn hot that little new bartender kid from last night” was. He explained he thought he was gorgeous; that he couldn’t believe he was single; and, that he had tried to ask him out once but it seemed the guy may or may not have a boyfriend himself. I was pretty shattered.
Here I am, wondering what cute place I could take my early-stage-guy for dinner to, and he’s telling me he’s dripping wet horny for some (much younger by the way) kid we had serving and cleaning up our drinks the night previous… about 2 hours before we were naked together. Well, let me tell you: I did not react well. Yes, I should have been direct and told him that that bothered me, or hell, yes, I should have not cared at all and been so confident in myself as to ignore the fawn altogether, but I’m not that good a gay. I’m flawed, I’m reasonably self-conscious and I’m not someone who wants to hear how hot you think some barely 20, south american kid who is nothing like me: to me it sounds like I’m just straight up not good enough to hold your attention. Not only was his mind on someone else, it was all over a kid that I look nothing like, worrying me that maybe that’s really his type and I’m the temp: “filling a position” for now, so to speak. Am I crazy to be bothered by this?!
I started off this post as a “Behind the Cast” which for those who aren’t frequenters of the site means it’s an article about something going on in my personal life. And, while that category fits, I decided to change it to the broader category of all-things-gay because I realized this isn’t just an issue that I’ve faced.
Basically, I’m here asking: “Why is it okay to hate the skinny gay?”
Since birth, I’ve been thin. Never had to work for it and never “escaped” it either: my weight (and very likely high metabolism) have been extremely constant throughout my 28 years. Growing up in the 80s and 90s it was frequent to hear the overweight kids get non-stop abuse in the school yard and on the weekends: today, that has definitely taken a shift. While of course there is continual bias against fat people, a shift in the mean body size of Americans and Canadians towards an all-time extreme high has seen the world and public institutions try to become more and more PC and faster to react to hatred against hate speech regarding overweight kids. As a gay, adult male, I’ve seen this shift in our culture as well. Sure, you’ll hear the whispered comment about the overweight guy stuffed into a pair of 32′s, but overall, what’s acceptable to say to each other and out loud is very different.
Personally, I have friends from all walks of life: different ages, races, heights and importantly, different sizes. Some of my friends are very much the “muscle types” in our group while others are content calling themselves “average” in weight: still, others hit the polar ends of the spectrum and range from what would be considered very overweight to very skinny. Now, maybe it’s just my friends (though, I’m not exactly just polling 13 people here), but I can honestly tell you that the only ones ever commented on in a negative or “this is what you need to fix” way are the skinny boys and to a much lesser extent the average size guys. The gym bunnies and fat friends are left without a mark. I don’t understand it at all.
You’ve probably never heard of this week’s crush before, but David Loren is definitely worth knowing. Earlier this week, I watched an indie gay movie, “Is It Just Me?“. While most independent gay cinema isn’t the greatest quality, I found this romantic gay comedy extremely charming and a pleasant surprise. Loren plays a hot newly transplanted Los Angeleno looking for love in the City of Angels. You’ll have to check out my movie review, coming in the next few days.
David Loren was born and raised in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He received his BA in Theatre from the University of Tulsa. Soon after graduating, he moved to LA to pursue acting. He’s found work in a number of web series, independent films and television shows. Some of his TV credits include guest stints on “The Event“, “The Mentalist“, “Without A Trace” and regular web series roles on “Sorority Fever” and “Prom Queen“.
The 5’9″ stud interests include football, baseball, backpacking, sarcasm, watching old movies, listening to film scores, reading and writing. I love me a hot nerd. On his acting resume, he includes hip-hop and modern as part of his skills. Would love to see him shake his thang.
I am sure by now you have heard this term a few times and may even be getting fed up with how much exposure it is receiving and what does it mean anyway? In simpler terms: law of attraction means: likes, attract likes.
Behavior breeds behavior, and while this sounds like a simple concept, this topic goes beyond that, and helps you learn how receive and believe you can change your life to attract what you want. It doesn’t have to be a dream!
For example: If you are unhappy in your current job, it may be time to seriously consider leaving it. Your quality of life is more important than staying somewhere that you have outgrown and are only there because it is easy and safe.
Pursuing your passion should become your focus so that you don’t waste anymore time in making that goal a reality. Don’t look at it as a dream; actually visualize your new path. It is easier to achieve something when you can see it clearly.
Is there a nice way to tell someone you have gone on a date with that your not interested?
So I have recently become single again, after the end of my 3 year relationship and am hitting the dating scene again, and to be honest, it has not been a great experience so far! I’m not in a rush to get into another relationship, just need something to keep my mind off my ex, keep me busy and it can’t hurt to get back out there and meet some new people. A little fun couldn’t hurt either, if you know what I mean, ha!
I have been doing some online dating, its challenging to say the least, but I did meet my ex online so there is some hope. I went on a few dates over the past few weeks – the first one went really well actually however I just wasn’t feeling ANY attraction at all, which is not a good sign right? So after the date, he said “we should do this again” which I responded to with “yea, for sure!” as I was still not sure how I felt about him at that point. He followed up with several messages afterwards and when he asked to see me again, I let him know that I just wasn’t feeling it, but it was good meeting him. He responded with a big, bitchy “Whatever” and didn’t say another word. Rude.
The next guy was WAY too old for me, like “Daddy” old, and I was just hoping he didn’t ask to see me again at the end of date, which thankfully he didn’t, and I just followed up online afterwards. I told him I wasn’t feeling it and it was great to meet him and he responded really well with a similar response – perfect!
I have recently moved from the Gay Capital of Canada, and home base of Homorazzi, Vancouver BC, to the windy and very small city of Wellington, New Zealand. While living in Vancouver I could literally throw a quarter and hit 10 gays, but here I throw a 20 cent NZ Coin and hit 10 rednecks and their 40 sheep. I know I am going to be here for a couple of years for work, and I don’t think porn and the occasional trip to Sydney will satisfy my gay gene. So I bit the bullet and done all the necessary gay set ups, such as…
MANDY: Oh, you’re asking him out? Maybe I’ll stay here and mock you.
MARC: What?! You think he’s out of my league? He’s an nine. I’m an eight.
MANDY: He’s a ten. You’re a six.
MARC: You’re a bitch. I’m a seven!
I figured the easiest way to start off this likely controversial topic was with a hilarious quotation most of us can remember from a season two episode of Ugly Betty as the show’s homo ridiculously attempts to woo a “9 out of 10″ model. As he and his hag debate over whether he has a chance with the hottie, I sat at home laughing at the situation which has come up so often for my friends and I as we navigate the world of gay dating and cruising.
Admittedly, this tendency isn’t at all reserved especially for the world of queers, still, having friends in all categories of gay, straight, lez and all interesting points in between, I fully believe that we male-lovin’-males do have a special penchant for rating men as we click on their manhunt profiles, catch their gaze across the bar or take that extra look as we pass on the street. I’m absolutely going to hear it from my friends in denial- oops, I mean friends “with different opinions”- but I think I’ve set myself up on this site as someone who would rather confront the harsh realities of our rainbow flag waving world than pretend we can achieve utopia through suppression and prohibition. But, no judgment of COURSE ;)
Really quick, what are YOU out of 10???
This topic has been on my mind for years now and my curiosity for this situation only peaked after a couple of recent conversations with friends. Let me set the scenario up for you (all names are fake):
Tyler has a big crush on Bobby, they’ve hung out a couple times and have expressed mutual interest in each other after going on a few dates, but they aren’t necessarily exclusive as they haven’t had the “DTR” talk yet (Define The Relationship). However, they are definitely interested in next steps. Last weekend, Tyler met Max at a party and they went home and hooked up. Max doesn’t really mean anything to Tyler, he was just more of a spur of the moment thing and Tyler is still hoping that something will happen with him and Bobby.
I’m sure we’ve all heard this scenario before or been involved in one similar, heck some of us have probably been the Tyler, Bobby or even the Max.