Eight girls remain. Who will be Canada’s Next Top Model? It sure is hell isn’t going to be the girl that got the boot. She got booted for a good reason with a healthy dose of karma smack. Where to start? This ep was all over the map and all sorts of buck. Lil’ C, stop trying to make “buck” happen. “Buck” is never going to happen. Wrong show. I know. Whatever.

Right after Jill (the fugly one with the roots) got eliminated, the girls climbed into the waiting SUVs and got J Mail right away with black bathing suits. No rest for the wicked. The wannabes are off to a pool with top model judge Yasmin and woofy photographer Mike for a lesson in being beautiful while being splashed in the face. I do that all the time. Duh.

I’m not even going to talk about their performance other than the fact that Meaghan did the best. Obviously she takes it in the face all the time. More importantly was Mike getting all shirts off dance party with his hot muscle daddy self! Woof. Look at him waving his shirt in the air like he just doesn’t care. McSteamy, McDreamy, McYesPlease!

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What better way to start an hour of top modeling than a confessional from the wannabe who looks least like a model. Hi Jill. You’re still here? Ugh. Those roots are HEINOUS. She’s crying already. She… huh huh huh sniffle snot… was in the sniffle sniffle huh huh… bottom 2. Cue all the other girls hating on Jill in their opening confessionals. Harsh? Yes. Do I object? No. Like Tara said, “she doesn’t look like a model”.

Following a round of get your hate on confessionals the girls all head to bed. At 610 am exactly a mystery guest arrives. We are left to wonder… who is this mystery man with big black boots creeping up the stairs towards our precious sleeping beauties? Oh. It’s Nole. He’s in a cop’s uniform blowing whistles. Rude. I have to say, Nole in a cop outfit is not on the top of my fetish list.

Officer Too Gay To Function then takes the wannabes to a courthouse. Guess what’s coming next? Yay! It’s Judge Jay! The wannabes have violated section J212 of the fashion code…. OMG. Who comes up with this shit? Anyways, the whole point is that it’s time for MAKEOVERS! Everybody SCREAM! Side note… for a “stylist”, Nole sure looks a lot like Danny DeVito’s Penguin today. Ew. For a recap of the makeovers, scroll down to see side by side makeover and photo shoot pics for each girl.

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I LOVE that Tyrant is not on this show… so refreshing. I don’t have to see her model with her eyes throughout the entire opening or throw her big ol’ weave all over my 42 incher. Nice. I do, however, have to listen to Jay’s breathy trying-to-be-oh-so-fierce narration. Just read the lines Mr. J. You don’t have to go all Marilyn Munroe.

The episode started with 20 girls strutting their stuff through some barren parking lot in downtown Toronto. Cue the helicopter. Cue total sandwichy bodyguards. Cue Jay in a monstrous cream trench with his silver hair, black turtle neck, black gloves and black sunglasses. Cue the screaming wannabes… Canada’s Next Top Model is back!

But wait. Did I say 20 girls? Here comes reality tv fake dramz twist number 1… “I still haven’t decided which 10 I want on the show”. Bullshit. Any good real reality tv whore is on to you. He calls 9 girls out of the pack and they are all gorgeous. GORGEOUS. Tall, fierce, confident and professional. Oh wait… here comes the twist. They are professionals! Psych! Cue more screaming wannabes. Cue the backfired reality tv overly formulaic stunt. The wannabes all look so tragic compared to those other girls. We need makeovers pronto.

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CANADA’S NEXT TOP MODEL (Cycle 3) Finalists (L-R): Meaghan, Nikita, Maryam, Alexandra, Tiffany, Linsay, Tara, Heather, Jill, Ebonie, and Rebeccah.

Yesterday, CTV announced the wannabes for this year’s hottest Canadian claw fest– Canada’s Next Top Model Cycle 3. But, we all know Homorazzi.com had the list days ago. I would reserve judgment until after we see the first episode, but that is so not how I roll.

Check out the head shots of our 11 wannabes.

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