Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model… The wannabes got all easy and breezy with a CoverGirl beauty shot and a Miss J runway makeover special. Maryam got the boot leaving Meaghan, Linsay and Nikita to bitch slap it out for the crown. Who’s gonna get the final kiss and cry goodbye? Who is gonna make the final two and stomp the shit out of the runway? Eight girls are already members of the reality TV hall of shame. Only three remain. Who is gonna be Canada’s Next Top Model?

Will it be Nikita? Can the dyslexic, bitter, and bitchy beauty capitalize on her edgy look and editorial appeal? Will early underdog Linsay’s unique background and fierce walk be enough to overcome her not-so-fresh face? Can Meaghan find the inner confidence to pull through or will she be tossed out like her heinous what-the-hell-was-she-thinking braces?

The episode started off with the three girls arriving back at the Soho. It’s a fucking mess by the way. Girls can be such slobs. Thankfully, a Jay Mail is already waiting so we don’t have to listen to one of Nikita’s whack job confessionals. Instead, the girls are off to a cover try photo shoot for Fashion Magazine. Ferosh.

Nikita did her best to out bitch herself and intimidate Meaghan. Meaghan did her best to ignore the banged wonder. Linsay just did her best to look awesome, which she is. Biased? Damn right bitches. I’m on Team Linsay!

Read the rest of this entry »

Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model… Maryam was stranded once again without a passport, Linsay made a serious comeback, and Heather got the boot even though she had the best overall portfolio. Only 4 “models” remain. Who will get the bent over the suitcase runny mascara confessional tonight?

The final four! Yay! The girls are at the SoHo so so excited. Scratch that. Nikita’s gonna rain on the parade. She’s sad that Heather is gone. She’s like Bella Swan. DEPRESSING. Just die already Bella… you talk about it in EVERY single damn prologue! Sorry. I’m at the cabin. It’s been storming the last few days and I’ve been reading the Twilight saga back to back. I’m already well into Eclipse. Hundreds of pages later and I kinda want Bella and Edward to go the fuck away so I can read more about Alice and Jacob. What was I saying about Nikita? She’s a bag. That’s what.

Before Nikita can throw herself off the cliffs of La Push or crash her motorcycle or run into the arms of a hostile monster, Jay makes a surprise visit with MISS J! She is wearing nothing but her traditional runway diva coach extraordinaire attire… an oversized men’s shirt. That’s it. Gotta love those legs. The girls all screamed and Meaghan told the camera she was SO EXCITED to meet “him… her?” Small lol. That joke never gets old.

Read the rest of this entry »

Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model… Meaghan finally got rid of that heinous train track brace face, the girls learned to stand out in a crowd, and fresh out of the closet Rebeccah continued her mental breakdown right off the show. Only 5 wannabes remain. Who will get eliminated tonight?

Can this episode possibly top the amazingness that was last week? Will Jillian finally figure out that Wes is total shithead and that Kypton has a weird forehead? Shit. Sorry. Wrong show again.

After the obligatory nah na na na nah na and a little more nah na na na nah na, the episode starts with the girls getting back to the SoHo. Before they can even bitch that much, they get some Jay Mail telling them to meet up, way up, at the top of the CN Tower. Jay arrives with Rebecca! Pysch! It’s not Rebeccah, it’s Rebecca! Jay, you so smart. Rebecca was CNTM 2’s faboosh winner. She looks good, almost like a real fashion model. Imagine that. The brief montage of shots they showed was pretty fierce.

The reason they’re up in the tower is to let Jay make a big deal about the view. Why? Because it looks a lot like the view from his apartment… in NYC! Oh Jay. You’re so barfy sometimes.

Read the rest of this entry »

Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model… the girls couldn’t pronounce Chanel or Dior, Rebeccah was a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Tara got the boot. Only 6 wannabes remain. Who will get eliminated tonight?

First things first. This ep was gold. Platinum even. This shit was fo shizzle. So many amazeballs quotes, one liners and overall top modeling that puts Tyrant and her ANTM nonsense to shame. You have been warned.

We start out in the limo with the girls mourning Tara’s loss. I on the other hand could not give a rat’s ass. I’ve moved on. The girls do too when they get Jay Mail. It’s all about spotlights and being spot on and on the spot… was there a feminine hygiene commercial going on that I missed? What’s with all the spots?

Turns out Jay Mail is not a set up for a MaxiPad commercial, but a lesson with DAN AND JESSI FROM MTV’S AFTERSHOW. OMG. I’M WRITING IN CAPITALS BECAUSE DONOVAN LOVES THE AFTERSHOW AND DAN IS IN LOVE WITH DAN AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE YELLING. Sorry.

Dan (he is super cute by the way) and Jessi throw some curve ball questions at the girls and give them tips on how to field media questions. This is like what I so do for a living so I’m so taking notes right now. For reals.

Click here to check out the pictures from this week’s shoot

Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model, Nikita was the villain, Maryam was left behind without a passport and Ebonie’s fuglyness got the boot. Now, only 7 girls remain. Who will be the loser tonight?

Before we get to the recap, can we discuss the opening credits? Wouldn’t it be nice if they did them like Survivor and cut the cast-offs out? That way we wouldn’t have to see Jill’s roots or Ebonie’s chin. Sigh.

The episode starts off with another round of blah blah confessionals. The girls attack Maryam for a while for not having her passport and then Rebeccah kicks in with some sobbing. I’m not sure who she was talking to because my boyfriend was making barfing sounds. Something about, “I love you two” “you three” “you four” “I love you more”. Ugh. Barf is right.

Click here to check out the pictures from this week’s shoot