Confession time. I’m ashamed to admit this but watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette is one of my guiltiest pleasures. There’s something entertaining about watching men/women getting over emotional after being dumped on national TV- it’s definite must-see-tv. Today, ABC announced that it has ordered an all-star version of the franchise called “Bachelor Pad”.

All-star version? It sorta perplexed me as well, until I read the description. Rather than becoming another dating show, the spin-off sounds more like “Big Brother” than anything else. The show will feature 20 previous contestants who will live in a house together and compete in challenges. Supposedly the competitions will be inspired by events from past “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” episodes. Perhaps a rose petal counting challenge or one involving removing thorns from the signature roses?

At the end of each episode, an elimination will occur. No word on whether there will be a monetary prize for the winners, but I’m sure they will. There’s no way, they’ll do it for free. Actually, these media whores will go on camera for free in hopes of getting a little air time. Have you seen some of the antics they pull when there’s no money involved?

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The Big Brother 11 Finale is only a few minutes away. Patrick & Donovan are going to watch it and do a bit of live blogging. Warning, there will be some spoilers for all you not on the east coast. At this point we’d be okay with anyone winning besides Natalie Scrappy.

Donovan: OMG, Julie Chen looks like a pregnant Asian Barney.

Patrick: Okay, we know that Jordan and Kevin are competing in the final part of the three-part HOH competition. Natalie will sit out because no one likes her. Here fate lies in the hands of Kevin and Jordan. Hmm, will they pick her? I hope not.

Patrick: OMG they just mentioned Michele and I think she was in my dream last night. We won’t get into that.

Donovan: We’re 6 minutes in and they’re still recapping the season. Totally unnecessary.

Patrick: Holy crap…they just recapped all the yelling, crying, and drama this season. I almost forgot how many tears were shed and how many huge yelling matches their were.

Patrick: Donovan’s right. Julie does look like prego Barney. Meanwhile, Dono’s laptop is frozen and he’s running around plugging in another one. Natalie doesn’t think that Jordan will take Natalie, and she feels that Kevin is not taking her. And yup, she is right. She’s trying to totally guilty him, “I just hope I could trust you,” she says.

Live blogging after the jump

Okay, wow. One more episode left after this one and we’re done. With the three part FINAL HOH competition, Part One was won by Kevin, after he made a deal with Natalie to get her to let him win the competition. In Part two between Natalie and Jordan, Jordan won, which means that Jordan and Kevin will go against each other in Part Three, and one of them gets to decide who they want to go up against on finale night. If Kevin wins, he’ll take Jordan and if Jordan wins I think she’ll take Kevin. I don’t think anyone is taking Natalie – thank goodness.

This is a unique situation because the person that doesn’t make it to the final two doesn’t have enough time to trash talk one of the finalists, swaying the votes of the other jury members.

Let’s be honest. This episode was missable from an “exciting new things” happening standpoint. It was essentially a recap: talking about Jesse being obsessed with himself, Casey the banana, Ronnie the snake, Chima the original biznatch, Lydia and Natalie’s obsession with Jesse, and more. I have to say though, I did get a chuckle out of rewatching Lydia, Natalie, and Chima CRYING over Jesse’s departure. “And do you know he prayed for all of us,” whimpers Lydia. Seriously. Also, watching Natalie scream from the dragonfly was also pretty funny. Also, I can’t forget Chima losing it and getting kicked out of the game by producers.

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Okay. Who to route for now? I’m left with three people that I have to choose from. It’s going to have to be Jordan. Although she hasn’t been the leader in any strategic plans and really hasn’t put herself on the line to get where she is, I want her to win over Kevin and Natalie. Even further, if NataLIE wins this game, I will not watch this show next season (or so I say at this point). With the final four, I wanted Michele to win, but alas she is gone and I have to work with what I’ve got.

Log On. The three finalists are on a spinning log, grasping onto a key, competing in the first part of the 3 Part HOH competition. “Its raining, it’s pouring, I love all the backdooring”. Kevin essentially wants to take Jordan with him to the end because Natalie has more votes in the jury house. Kevin is totally relying on Jordan at this point. Um really? Good luck with that. As much as I love her, she is the rely-er! She relied on Jeff, so if you want to take her to the end, you have to TAKE HER to the end.

In an effort to distract Jordan, Lydia says that Michele is happy that she gets to spend time with Jeff with Jordan not there in the jury house, to which Jordan responds, “You’re a little instigator.”

Go Jordan, Please! YESSSSSS!!! As soon as I said that (for real out loud), Natalie almost fell (I’m THAT powerful). Jordan seems really focused. So far so good – I’m happy. Kevin is complaining about being a Californian and it never raining. Whatever, I don’t care. Anyway, then it start snowing! Elapsed time = 1.5 hours. Pretty much hailing now. Hail Mary, Full of Grace, PLEASE let Jordan win. Elapsed time = 3hrs 2 minutes. When Natalie asks how everyone is doing, Kevin responds, “I’m going until the sun rises, wench. Kevin’s hand is totally shaking. Natalie and Jordan are whispering to each other as they watch Kevin’s hand. Jordan says she’s freezing. Kevin then tells her that that if she keeps shaking it will warm her up, trying to distract her. Just then, the log starts to move and she falls. Falls! 3 hrs 27 minutes in. “I would say it was a $500,000 mistake,” Jordan says.

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Ladies & Gentlemen, it’s day 66 and we have our Final Four. One from each of the four cliques (Brains, Athletes, Offbeats, and Popular):

1. Mister Biznatch himself, the conniving Kevin (currently on the block)
2. The clueless cookie dough cutie, Miss Jeff-less Jordan (currently not HOH and not on the block)
3. The compulsive liar that isn’t ACTUALLY going to get married, Miss NataLIE (currently HOH – guaranteed final 3)
4. Who’s the fourth one again? I forget. Oh yeah, the one that I want to win, Miss Memory-less Michele (currently on the block)

So as they all anticipate the upcoming crucial veto competition, everyone is trying to see where they stand. Natalie tries to get Jordan on her side to keep Kevin in the game, and convince her to vote out Michele in in the event that Jordan wins POV. Jordan knows Natalie is up to something, considering in her nomination speech, she had said that Kevin was her main target and now she is totally changing her position. Jordan revisits what Jeff told her, and that was to trust only Michele and not NataLIE or Kevin, so that’s what she does. Good strategy. Michele and Jordan whisper in bed that they have each others 100% trust and are in it together. Meanwhile,in the HOH room, Natalie and Kevin talk about the reality that if he doesn’t win, he’ll go home.

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As I start this recap, I have to remind you of the grim situation that is now the reality of the house. It’s day 61 and Kevin just sent Jeff home and to make matters worse, Natalie just won the title of the last HOH in Big Brother 11 and. This leaves Natalie, Kevin, Jordan, and Michele. The final four.

Michele is clearly the strongest competitor left. Kevin and Natalie are on the same page that they need to get Michele out. Jordan is totally bummed with Jeff now out of the house. Natalie wastes no time and starts talking to Kevin about nominations. She told him that he has to go up on the block, to throw the other two off, to which Kevin responds to later in the diary room, “Did I just hear that correctly, biznatch?” He is totally not wanting to go on the block at this stage in the game, as a pawn. In the diary room, Kevin’s theory is that the power has gone to Natalie’s head already. “She has HOH-itus. Do I have to slap the biznatch?”

Natalie tells Michele and Jordan that she is going to put up Kevin. She goes onto explain that he is a threat and she can’t win against him in the final two. They eat it up.

Time for a luxury competition. They all have to work together to win, but they have to pair up into two teams of two. Natalie and Kevin of course as one, and Jordan and Michele as the other. It is the Big Brother Boutique. Within 10 minutes, they have to work together with their partner, with a wall in between them, to find the exact same article of clothing (5 pieces) in each of their stores by shouting descriptions to each other over the wall. If they succeed, they win a shopping spree to get some new threads. One of the people I was watching the episode with said about Natalie, “Her voice is like getting shot in the face with a bb gun.” I have to agree.

Moving on, they succeed and when they get back into the house, racks of clothes are set up and they get 3:28 to shop til they drop – but, they have to be wearing anything they want to keep. They go nuts. At one point, Kevin is raping the mannequin to get all of the clothes off of him. “Give me the scarf bitch” Kevin says to the mannequin.

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First of all, let me say I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this post so you better appreciate it. Blood because I cut my finger really bad while opening a can (that was part of my dinner) RIGHT before I starting watching the episode – it’s hard to type with layers of band-aid and tape around your pinky! Sweat because I was on edge waiting for how everything would turn out. And, tears because of the results. Well not so much, but I was disappointed.

As we know going into it, Romeo & Juliet are on the block (Jeff & Jordan) and Natalie & Kevin (HOH) are feeling pretty confident that it’s gonna be a Romeo Must Die scenario. Michele is doing her best to keep Jeff in the game.

Jeff needs two votes to stay in. He has Michele’s, so he then tries to go for Natalie. In his first attempt, he doesn’t have that much to convince her. Meanwhile, Kevin is watching Natalie talk to Jeff on the monitor from his HOH room, beginning to question what moves she’d made strategically and if he trusts her completely. Although not yet successful, Jeff has planted the seed with Natalie and given her some stuff to think about. She knows she has options.

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Jeff is pissed at Kevin for not fulfilling his part of their deal by putting Jeff up as an eviction nominee, alongside Michele. So, as this episode begins we know that Michele and Jeff are on the block, Kevin is HOH, and at the end of the last episode we were warned that Kevin would discover a secret that could change the game. Jeff needs to win the POV since he is the target this week.

So, Kevin goes up to his HOH room to find a surprise. A door with a question mark on it. It’s a secret door leading to another room with what’s called the Big Brother Pandora’s box in it. He is freaking out. He can stick his hand in one of the holes in Pandora’s Box and get $10,000, but by doing so he could unleash something good or something bad onto him or onto the house. The choice is his. Kevin panics,”$10,000 to just stick my hand in the hole?” Despite the risk, the greed overpowers and he walks into the room, reaches his hand into the oversized box, screams…and we go to commercial break…

Click here for the rest of the recap and my advice to the remaining houseguests