Bret Michaels or Holly Robinson-Peete. Who’ll be hired and who’ll be fired? Normally Patrick takes care of the Celebrity Apprentice recaps, but he’s away this weekend so he asked me to fill in. We began the finale in the same tradition of all of the bloated Apprentice finales, with Donald Trump tooting his own horn and claiming he hasn’t made a decision yet- yeah right!!!

I’m not going to into great detail on what transpired during the episode. I figured if you’re a fan of the show, you probably watched the finale, either before or after the “Lost” series finale. PS. how awesome was that Lost episode? I digress, but here is the Celeb Apprentice recap in a nutshell.

Brett and Holly continued to work on their “Snapplicious” presentations for the Snapple execs. As the deadline approached, both final contestants faced different obstacles. Holly puttered along even with a man down (Curtis left early for his BFF’s stag), while Brett was his own enemy. His forgetfulness, lack of attention and public speaking skills almost derailed his hard work in getting to the final two.

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After the last person was “let go,” they all celebrated making it as far as they did – drinks, dancing – just letting loose. But, their fun was cut short and they were all called back into the Boardroom and were told that someone was going to be fired right then and there. The fight to remain in the game was immediately underway, with Trump asking everyone who they thought the weakest player was. Holly says Maria, as predicted. At first, Sharon said she wasn’t able to decide, but then after they said she was weak for not being able to pick someone, she said,”Ahh, fuck it then… Maria!” When Curtis says that Maria was the weakest, she proceeded to talk about his arrogance by talking about how he did a number two in the girls room. Trump didn’t like “dump” talk:”This is my boardroom, not a locker room. Maria, you’re fired!” And that was that. Who knew that it was the poop comment that would flush her out of the running? She’d have probably gone home anyway.

The remaining four people now have to have one on one interviews with Bill (winner of the first Apprentice) and Future Heidi Montag, Joan Rivers (winner of the last Celebrity Apprentice). After this, two more people will be fired. Yeesh – it’s like a mini downsizing.

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It’s down to the Final 6 and it’s time to shake things up apparently. As the episode starts, we get some dramatic star wars-like music because we’re about to step inside Mr. Trumps NYC apartment. Wow. This guy lives like a king…in the clouds. Gold, statues – very Trump. I’ve actually been to his place in West Palm Beach, Florida (Mar-A-Lago) and the decor was very similar. Anyway, to make it interesting, because Sharon and Maria had said that they disliked Curtis, they were put onto a team (Rock Solid). This means Holly, Cyndi and Brett make up Team Tenacity. Yikes, neither of these are likely their “ideals.” That being said, I’d rather been on team Rock Solid.

In this weeks task, they’re each given an apartment to refurbish, paint, fix, and celebrify – meaning the spare room in the apartment would be the “celebrity” room for them to be creative with. Reluctantly, Holly steps up as PM for their team, going up against Sharon against Rock Solid.

“She and I, it’s like Oil & Vinegar.” Says Cyndi about Holly. You can definitely see where this one’s going. In an effort to keep Cyndi in a box, Holly does just that. She gets Cyndi to work on the celebrity room, giving her free reigns with her creativity. All Holly says is that she wants it red. The rest of the place, Holly wants it to be a “Balinese style” – serenity and acceptance. Ooooh, sounds so excited. Not.

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Well, last week after a two week episode, no one was sent home so this week someone better leave in a freaking limo. Their task this week is for Clockwork Home Services, where they have to come up with three 30 second radio commercials, one for each brand: heating & air conditioning, plumbing, and electricity. They’re judged on originality, brand integration, and the livee performance of the commercial. Bret is the PM for RockSolid while Summer steps up to the plate for Tenacity. To my delight, Trump promises that someone’s gonna get fired, maybe two. Also, Eric Trump (another on of his kids) is there for the first time as Trumps eyes and ears – his hair slicked back of course.

The teams get into their vans and drive to their respective studios. Team RockSolid has already started perving out as the brainstorm for the challenge. “Can I suck your plunger Mr. Franklin?” says Sharon.

Both teams meet with the execs, and essentially are told that humor doesn’t really work for them, as they want to stay away from making “cracks” about plumbers.

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As the episode kicks off, we hear Sharon talking about how “not fun” it has been being on the catty woman’s team, and that she thinks it’s time for her to go. Aiyayayay. Seems like Cyndi feels the same… as she finishes dropping off her check to her charity, having been the winning project manager last week, she says, “It’s kinda like “Apprentice – Survivor.” True story.

As Trump introduces the next challenge, he stands with Milanio and his toddler son, Baron. Since Rock Solid has hit rock bottom, with only Bret and Curtis left, the teams get reshuffled. Now, it’s Maria, Sharon and Bret on team Rock Solid agains Curtis, Holly, Cyndi, and Summer for Team Tenacity.

Their challenge is to create a celebrity 24 Hour Fitness workout. It is a money raising task. Also, the team with the workout that 24 Hour likes the best, gets an additional $24,000 added to their total. Someone representing the big donors must be there for the workout, or the money doesn’t count. As they get ready to get started, Cyndi pipes up and said she has to do this “Viva Glam” event with Lady Gaga, so she’ll have to be only available by phone for a bit for her team.

Holly is the project manager for Tenacity, while Sharon is for Rock Solid. Holly says Cyndi needs to deliver Lady Gaga, bottom line – in terms of getting her to donate. Here Jolly Holly goes on her usual power trips again…

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This week country singer Trace Adkins helps joins the panel with the Trumps as one of the judges. The Celebrities congregate at The Bottom Line Cabaret to hear their task from Mr. Trump for this episode. They have one male and one female country singer, that are up and coming. Their task is to choose one of them to work with (after negotiating with the other team) give them a makeover, create a press kit, and help them overall with their image. They will also do an interview with People Magazine, and the teams will be judged on how they prepped the artists. Meanwhile, Sharon Osbourne’s still sick, which Holly thinks is not fair.

Cyndi is project manager for the women, while Bill Goldberg is the project manager for the men. As the task commences, the women are already bickering, with Cyndi clashing with everyone as per usual. As project manager, Cyndi being especially controlling in this episode. Girls really want Emily.

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Oh how I love spending two hours with Sharon Osbourne & Cyndi Lauper every week, and yes, even on Easter. I’m being sarcastic – but those two do make this show though. So, after last week’s episode, the teams are brought back in the boardroom right away and have to pick a project manager on the spot. Michael Johnson immediately says caveman-governor Rod (who can’t type or text) for the men, while Victoria’s Secret model, Selita Ebanks volunteers herself.

Well, things are a bit different in this episode as Trump tries to shake things up a bit (contrary to his famously retarded hair-do). For the first time in Apprentice history, the Project Manager will not be physically working with their teams. In fact, Rod & Selita have to immediately leave right away on a plane to an undisclosed location. Their limo picks them up and away they go. They arrive in Orlando, Florida. The task is to create & present a three dimensional interactive display to Harry Potter Fans, as they promote the newest attraction at Universal Orlando.

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Seriously, is every episode two hours long? Yeesh. Well, to recap, last week it was too bad for Sinbad, with him being fired by the Trumpster. Brett Michaels, who everyone thought was going to be sent home, goes back to the suite and completely vents to his team about the fact that he feels they are throwing him under the bus for no reason. I see where this is going. Perhaps he is the “Poison” on their team after all.

This week’s task: All about identity theft. It’s Norton Antivirus partnering up with LifeLock for a new combo pack to prevent identity theft. They have to create a 4-page advertorial to showcase the bundle. They have to choose one celebrity from each team to be the spokesperson. They’re judged on creativity, brand integration, their celebrity spokesperson, and their overall presentation. The guys project manager is Michael Johnson and the women have Summer Sanders. Both Olympic Gold Medalists – should be interesting.

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