With “Fast Five“, the fifth in the racing car franchise, roaring into theaters next week in North America, I thought it’d be a perfect time for another installment of Homorazzi’s popular new feature, Marry, F-ck, Bitch Slap. After playing the game with The Jonas Brothers and the Twilight boys, I was in the mood to play with some real men. So without further ado, let’s dissect these boys and figure out who’s marriage-worthy, good for a roll in the hay and who’s in serious need of a good bitch slapping.

If you’re a regular reader of the site, you know Paul Walker has already been featured in our other popular feature, “Who’d You Rather“. He edged out Ryan Phillippe and walked away with 56% of the votes. I’ve had a super big crush on Paul Walker for years now. He’s my first love- sorry Brian. Obviously I’m a little biased with this installment’s selections, but there’s still the suspense of which of the other two boys I’d bitch slap. Keep reading to find out. Also, don’t forget to post your selections afterward. I’d love to hear your thoughts in this very important pressing matter ;)

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After months of speculation, Sir Elton John and his partner, David Furnish, have finally revealed baby Zachary’s godmother. The duo addressed the rumors that Lady Gaga would be their child’s spiritual advisor to Ms. Barbara Walters herself, in an interview for 20/20. Here’s the facts straight from the horse’s mouth. The horse being Elton John.

“Yes, yes she is,When you get to the real person under there, there’s a real simple person under there who loves her parents.”

John has been coyly addressing the issue for weeks, which included joking about Gaga’s involvement when he hosted “Saturday Night Live” a few weeks ago. The “Tiny Dancer” singer finally confirmed what most people were thinking. Not wanting to feel left out, David Furnish also gave his two cents.

“Zachary’s going to inherit an incredible musical legacy from his father one day, and she will be a good person to guide him through the ins and outs of the music business, ’cause she sure knows everything about the business now.”

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It’s getting hot in here. So hot. So the firemen of the FDNY have decided to take off all their clothes and honestly, I’m not complaining (and trust me, you won’t be either). After a 3 year hiatus of “official calendars”, the firefighters of New York are baring it all to raise money for the FDNY Foundation. Last year, an unofficial calendar was released titled City of the Brave, but this will be the first official FDNY calendar release since the scandal in 2008 when one of their firemen/models was found in an adult film (bad boy… but kinda hot).

In a photo shoot with Battman, the hunks found themselves posing in everyday rescue like situations… they just happened to be missing a few important pieces of clothing.

“We know this official FDNY calendar will raise funds and awareness about fire safety and will serve to remind everyone of ways to be fire safe year-round,” said Fire Commissioner Salvatore Cassano. “The FDNY Foundation’s important role in our fire safety education, and the great work of our members, has helped push civilian fire deaths to record lows in New York City.”

Check out photos and video from the calendar here.

One thing I don’t do very often is go to my favorite artists’ websites. However, today was different. I happened to stumble upon Britney Spears’ official website and low and behold, I was greeted by a random countdown to something that is titled Sicker Than The Remix. I thought to myself, that’s quite the site takeover for just a Britney remix. And then, I learned more.

Thanks to a UK friend on Facebook (thank you Michael Morgan Bain), I discovered that Britney’s site wasn’t the only one displaying a countdown. Apparently, Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha had also joined in on the countdown fun. Why? Because the remix involved the two of them as well.

GET OUT! How awesome. It only makes sense. Ke$ha helped pen the hot Britney track and now with Nicki jumping on tour with her this summer, it only makes sense for all three to make a remix together. Now I have to admit, the preview doesn’t sound too promising yet, BUT I will await for the whole thing before I pass judgement.

Listen to the track after the jump…

Wes Craven Will Direct “Scream 5″

In: Movies, Patrick

With big success at the box office and a great response to the plot and thrill of Scream 4, which opened in theatres last weekend, Wes Craven has revealed that he will be directing Scream 5. Amazing!

“I imagine the core characters will continue. I suspect they’ll be with us until the end, because they just are the heart and soul of the movie and especially since we tend to kill off most of the other people. They’ll be with us. There will be some continuation of the drama of Sidney Prescott’s family and the ghosts that haunt it.”

Craven also said that the surviving stars, Neve Campbell, David Arquette, and Courteney Cox are all expecting to return.

I’m going to see either Scream 4 or Hanna tonight, but now I’m a little annoyed that I know the three aformentioned actors don’t die in the film. I mean, I’m glad that they didn’t, but I wish I had figured that out on my own. My fault for not watching it yet I suppose. For anyone else that I spoiled it for, I apologize (but chances are you would have stumbled upon it as I did. Anyway, I guess it wouldn’t be a Scream movie without them. Forget Ghostface, these three (especially Neve Campbell) are the face of the Scream franchise.

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Pop-Tart Pick: Tonye Aganaba

In: Calan, Music

So my Pop-Tart Pick this time round is an amazingly talented singer/songwriter from Vancouver, BC. Originally born in London, England, Tonye Aganaba was raised in Canada and eventually made Vancouver her home base. The video I found was a video project in partnership with the International Charity, Save The Children and their Everyone Campaign. Bringing awareness to the basic needs that are NOT being met in third world countries, and what we, EVERYONE, can do to make a difference.

I love when an artist takes the time out to help a cause. It shows that they’re doing their music because they really believe it can help others in some way. If you would like to check out more about Tonye you can visit her website www.tonyeaganaba.com

Check out the video after the jump…

Sports Stud: Grady Sizemore

In: Patrick, Sports & Health, Totally GAY!

So let’s start with his name…Grady Sizemore. No, he’s not a porn star, but in addition to his from his name, he also does have a bit of an exhibitionist side to him. By profession, Sizemore is a Major League Baseball center fielder for the Cleveland Indians.

Aside from being a star in MLB, he’s also a star on the popular NSFW site “Guys With iPhones“. Not only are there photos of him on the site, but there is actually a dedicated section to his photos. Actually, I should clarify. He didn’t post the pictures of himself on the internet. A 19 year old girl named Leah Ayers was charged with hacking into Sizemore’s girlfriend, Brittany Binger’s computer. Scandalous! I’ve included some of them in this post. I had to cut a few of them off so they’re okay to post on the site, but there’s one where there’s only a coffee mug cover his parts and others where he’s in his underwear grabbing his balls and baseball bat. ;)

He’s been playing MLB for quite a long time, and in the 2006 season, he signed a 6-year contract with the Indians worth for $23.45 million with a club option for 2012.

More pictures after the jump…

Lindsay Lohan Sentenced To Jail

In: Celeb Gossip & News, Patrick

It’s been a busy month for Lindsay Lohan with a few potential new movie deals in the works. Time for her to now get 120 days of R&R in JAIL for violating her probation from her 2007 drunk driving conviction. She has been taken into custody and taken to the basement of the courthouse for booking. Her lawyer has said that they intend to appeal, meaning that Lindsay will be entitled to post bail.

In addition to the prison time, Judge Sautner also sentenced her to 480 hours of community service. The time is broken down into 360 hours at the Downtown Women’s Center and 120 hours at the L.A. County morgue.

UPDATE AFTER THE JUMP….

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