Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Alexandra continued to suck really bad but somehow managed to stay in the competition. The girls had to model heinous hair suits and endure one of the show’s most grotesque displays of OTTT (that’s Over-The-Top-Tyrant) EVER. Did I mention that this year’s international fashion destination is New Zealand? Yep. Awesome. Not really. Yawn. Krista won an undeserved first photo so she gets to sit first class all the way to KiwiVille. That’s neat. Only six girls remain, who will be eliminated tonight?
We start off this week with Raina saying they are luckiest six girls in the entire world. Really? Because you get to go to New Zealand? Wow. Remember when ANTM went to Paris, Milan, London, or Tokyo. They were lucky. You’re getting screwed. Alexandra is bummed that she was in the bottom two and admits that she deserved it because her picture was “heinous”. I agree. Finally someone is talking sense on this show!
Once they get to Auckland, Jessica shows her skills in geography when she tells the camera she thought “New Zealand was right above Canada or something”. WTF. What do they teach these girls in the gold ol’ US of A? Then the girls meet up with some locals and get the shit scared out of them by some traditional Maori dancing. Basically, some big buff half naked tattooed men flail and hit themselves. Hot. It’s called Haka. After the dancing, Miss J tells the girls that they’re off to do some Go-Sees. They freak out. I relish in the opportunity to laugh at the inevitable situation where girls rush against the ticking clock to get back on time. You know it’s going to happen. It happens every cycle.
Previously on Survivor, JT led the Heroes into the jaws of doom. He and his fellowship convinced themselves that an all-girls alliance was in control of the Villains tribe. If they could save Russell from the evil witches then he would flop over to them after the merge. What JT and his hapless crew didn’t get is that Russell is a scoundrel and his accomplice is a pretty girl who is way smarter than any of them. After JT quietly gave Russell his hidden immunity idol, he immediately told Parvati and they laughed their evil laughs. Then she found another one and decided not to tell Russell about it. She laughed some more. Then Courtney got booted setting us up for a five on five merge. Hold on folks… this is going to be EPIC.
We start off at Camp Elin. The Heroes are looking forward to the merge and hoping everything went according to their crazy ass plan. Did Russell survive? Did he blindside Parvati as per the oh-so-cute and earnest note? Did they make the right decision? Pssst… you guys are suckers!
Over at Camp Tiger, the villains get a map and instructions to head on over to meet the Heroes for the merge. The first thing they do is start strategizing. This is why they have the upper hand… even when the numbers are even. Side note. Has anybody else noticed how obscenely LOW Russell’s shorts are? OMG. That’s almost penis. Sorry… back to the show. Russell and company start working on the story they are going to tell in order to explain how Parvati survived. Something about Russell and Parvati both playing idols. Courtney was just collateral damage. Unfortunately for this plan, Sandra is on the outs and is trying to eavesdrop to get some information she can use to help her at the merge. Watch out for that one. She’s crafty.
Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Alasia continued to ignore my sage advice that the bitchy villainess NEVER wins Top Model. She kept right on gettin’ all up in gurrrrls’ faces. Dramz. Brenda, the hot ginger who was totally torpedoed by a HEINOUS “TYover, got the boot after the Cycle’s first CoverGirl shoot. Who will be eliminated tonight? And how much Alasia booshizzle am I going to have to put up with tonight?
We start off this week with Angelea bragging about getting best picture from last week. She confesses that seeing her picture displayed as digital art is better than sex. Ummm… really? Krista thinks she needs to step it up and get on top of the leader board. Even if she needs to beat some girls and they’re mommas up too. She is gonna do whatever it takes to get best photo. Alexandra, meanwhile, worries that she’s not good enough and can’t win. You know what sweetie… you’re not.
Previously on Survivor, the Heroes kept their winning streak going as the Villains fought over who should sit out of challenges. Coach acted generally douchey throughout the whole thing and Sandra was able to turn Russell against the Dragon Slayer. Mercifully, we won’t have to hear from Coach again until the finale. He became the first member of the jury. Who will go tonight? When will the merge happen? Will the Heroes continue to fall for the fake all-girl Villain alliance?
We start this week at Camp Decepticon. The Villains return from Tribal Council and Sandra is thrilled. Jerri is floored and panicked she’s next. Danielle assures her that Jerri is ok and Danielle will never write her name down. Oooh… Danielle’s now making side deals. Russell is not as in control of this tribe as he thinks he is.
When Tree Mail arrives, we learn that the next challenge will be the one where people have to prop themselves up between two walls and suffer on tiny pegs. JT beat Coach when they did this one in Tocantins. The difference this time is that the tribes have to rank each other from weakest to strongest and compete against their counterpart. Russell says he’s the strongest, but also the heaviest. Jerri thinks they should compete with all five women because they’re lighter and have smaller feet. Interesting strategy. Wasn’t it Courtney who won an endurance/balancing immunity challenge in China? And besides, Jerri says the Hero men will all want to labelled as the strongest.
Sure enough at Camp Autobot, Rupert is all about saying he will be the best… ummm dude… don’t you have a broken toe? JT counters that Rupert should be the weakest because this challenge handicaps bigger people. JT is thinking like Jerri. The girls should be ranked higher.
Previously on Survivor, The Heroes managed to win one and sent the Villains to Tribal Council. Coach acted like a douche, Jerri waffled, and Boston Rob had to face down the evil Russell. Sadly for all of Survivordom, Russell came out on top. Ew. Could you imagine? Heinous. So what now? How many times will we have to listen to the troll go on and on about how amazing he is? The previews promised some drama this week. Bring it. Can the Villains win without Rob? We’ll see.
We start off this week at Camp Volturi. It’s night 18. Russell and Parvati are celebrating their move to get rid of Rob. Russell believes he is controlling the game. Blah blah blah. What’s new. Parvati and Danielle discuss how much they love blindsiding people. Coach is pissed. He says his tribe is full of cowards and calls Russell a bully. Ummm… dude? Didn’t you help Russell by not voting with Rob? Dumbass. I hate Coach. Jerri is just hoping she did the right thing and she’s missing Rob. Coach meanwhile is praying for the merge because he thinks the Villains are doomed.
At Camp Cullen, JT goes looking for the hidden immunity idol despite his earlier promise last week to do it as a group. He’s being a real snake this year. Amanda then goes on a hunt for JT and finds him idol in hand!!! Busted. Then Candice shows up. So much for being sneaky! JT decides to tell the whole tribe that he found it and tells them that the first one that needs it after the merge gets it. Candice is super suspicious though. She doesn’t trust him and tells Amanda they’re lucky she tailed him. Candice wants to work with Amanda to get rid of JT and the idol at some point.
Back with villainous Volturi, the players get a clue to their next challenge and they all guess it’s merge time. They pack up some of their best gear just in case they don’t come back. Smart.
Previously on America’s Next Top Model, my effin’ PVR forgot to record the damn show so I missed it and then you all missed the glory of my recap. Oh well. Clearly you got over it. To catch up… the wannabes learned some acting and improv, Brenda’s hair got cut shorter, and the girls all bathed in some vampire blood. Nasty. Anslee and Alasia fought about some peas, but drama queen Alasia ended up getting the best photo of the week. Anslee, meanwhile, ended up with Simone in the bottom two. Simone got the bite… I mean boot. Who doesn’t love vampire porn! Oops. I mean pun. Now on to this week. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We start off this week with sappy letters from home. Lame. Tears tears tears. Blah blah blah. Blubber blubber blubber. Anslee sobs. Tatianna tells us how much she loves “bodily functions” and wants to be a coroner… and a model. Riiiight.
Tyra Mail arrives and tells the girls that they don’t have to be a scientist to be good at chemistry. I hope this means there will be some hot buff boy cameos! Nope. It’s Miss J. Not hot. Thankfully, he calls in Nigel Barker for some backup. The girls have to create chemistry with ANTM’s own noted fashion photographer. Unfortunately for Nigel, a whole bunch of really REALLY awkward conversations ensued. Angelea started it all off by doing the hammer dance. Ouch. Jessica actually tried to molest him. Not pretty.
After all the awkwardness was over, Nigel took the ladies to meet Ann Shoket, Editor-in-Chief of Seventeen, for an intimate photo shoot challenge. Ann lets them know they’ll have to pour on the seduction and Nigel will be the photographer. And then Ross Mathews (AKA “Ross the Intern”) shows up with his big floppy gay arms waving about like a tranny octopus on speed. This should be interesting. Bring on the LOLs. The winner gets a whole bunch of diamonds.
Previously on Survivor, both tribes went to Tribal Council to kick out some dead weight. The Heroes mercifully sent James and his broken down knee to loser lodge while the Villains went through one of the games most brilliant scrambles. Rob had the perfect plan to boot Russell or Parvati. Russell had the perfect plan to counter the perfect plan. Tyson was the dumb ass that fell for it. And, he paid the ultimate price tonight. How will Rob react when they get back to camp? Will his troops fall in behind Russell? Can the Heroes win a challenge?
We start this week at Camp Luthor. Rob tells us that he was shocked for the first time in three whole seasons playing Survivor. Wow. He was completely caught off guard. He can’t figure out what Tyson did and why. Rob tries to reinforce with Jerri, Sandra, and Courtney that the other three have to go. They seem on board. Courtney tells the camera that Russell, who is a “bandy-legged little troll”, has a little boy crush on Parvati. I love her. So lippy. More Courtney, less Russell please! She then says Parvati clearly has “no problem flirting with ANYTHING that walks” while questioning Russell’s washing habits. Russell must hate watching this at home. He didn’t get a lot of blowback in Samoa during confessionals. He is now.
Speaking of Russell, Parvati giggles her sweet giggle and hugs him to death. She IS shameless. Danielle says the Tribal Council was “awesome”. The three of them gloat for a while and then Russell tells the girls they have to work on Jerri. They laugh. They HATE Jerri. At this point, Rob lays it all out for the camera. He knows there’s trouble. He thinks he has the numbers, but the other three wouldn’t be acting so cocky if that was the case. Something is up.
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So You Think You Can Dance is getting a major makeover! Nigel Lythgoe has been all over Twitter (search DizzyFeet) in the last few days talking about big changes coming to one of Homorazzi’s favorite shows. SYTYCD is about to get a major facelift… part All-Stars and part Dancing With The Stars. This is good news… I hope. Last year, the show seemed to fizzle. Part of the problem was too many seasons (American and Canadian) packed into a short time period. But, it also got predictable. Well folks, change is here.
Nigel first let the world know of his plans when he tweeted “shocking changes” were on the horizon. Later, he let it out that “only one dancer will leave the competition each week, and not two”. That one got me worried because we know how annoyingly predictable tween girls can be with their damn twinky crushes. Ugh. However, recent tweets seem to make up for it all. Some of our faves are gonna be back as “experts”. Each contestant will get a different All-Star every week who matches up with the genre they have to dance. Holy shit. This is big right! Go to the bottom of this post to see the list of All-Stars as they are announced!
Here’s how Nigel explained it all on Twitter…