Previously on America’s Next Top Model, there was a lot of blubbering as the wannabes had to pose on the edge of a building and a couple of them almost crapped their pants. There was also some heavy panting as Laura lusted after a Hong Kong action star amidst accusations from the others of sluttery. And if that wasn’t enough drama, Alisha tried to fall on her top model sword for Eboni of all people and offered to go home instead of the pigtailed wonder. Tyrant was not amused. She sent them both packing. Crazy! Almost as crazy as Kelly Cutrone’s ongoing hate-on for Annaliese. How many times will Laura say sex? Will Annaliese be able to convince Kelly that she’s a model? Can Sophie rebound from her fear-filled photoshoot? Only three wannabes remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Here we go folks… the penultimate episode that will decide the final two of one of the most lackluster Cycles on record. Ratings are down, our patience with Tyrant is running razor thin, the photoshoots were average with only a couple standouts, the drama was artificial, and there were a lack of girls to really root for. But hey… that could all change if Sophie wins! Team Sophie. And in the immortal words of Robyn from Cycle 1…. “Oooooooh Jesus”!

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In honor of Mother’s Day, some of the Homorazzi cast has decided to proclaim their love to their respective mothers on the website. We hope you enjoy the read.

I love my Mom, and just recently we’ve developed a relationship of being less Mother/Son and more friends who can share a good laugh and story over a drink or two. While growing up, I never thought that I would come to a place where I actually WANTED to hang out with my parents, but that day came knocking on my door a few years back after I invited them to my 23rd birthday party and they actually showed!

It dawned on my that my Mom is a pretty rad woman who cares a lot about her family and who’s sole goal in life is to make sure her children and grandchildren have everything in the world they could possibly want, even before her own needs. For this, I take my hat off to her, and say I love you with all my heart.

She hasn’t had the easiest life, but I would like to think that the few beers we shared in sun are well remembered and will keep her smiling!

Thanks for everything Momma, I love you!

- Daniel

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Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the wannabes landed in Macau for this year’s international trip. They’re staying in a pretty swank place but had to endure one the Cycle’s lamest challenges… astrology reading… before throwing on some silk worms for a photo shoot. Tyrant managed to pick a terrible shot of Catherine to justify sending her home over darling Eboni who took one of the worst photos of the entire season. That girl’s neck was nowhere to be seen… one of Top Model’s most deadly sins. Oh Tyrant. You’re so special. And by special I mean transparent and hypocritical. Will Eboni’s pigtails keep her in the game? Can the Brits stay in the lead? Who will get manipulated off the show? Only five girls are left. Who will be eliminated tonight?

So here we are. Down to five. When you look at the girls left… does anyone other than Sophie or Laura even have a shot? Granted, it should’ve been AzMarie, but she got kicked off because she pissed off Tyrant and didn’t booty tooch. The thing is, AzMarie’s “brand” was androgynous and probably shouldn’t have been booty tooching according to Tyrant’s book of nonsense. If one of the blondes goes home tonight, I’ll lose it. You have been warned.

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Previously on America’s Next Top Model, we actually got a pretty reasonable episode considering all the nonsense Tyrant has been throwing our way lately. Seymone FINALLY got the boot after weeks of vapid mediocrity and we got to see all the girls model… like actually model. Not sure who brought the Dorchester Collection Fashion Prize into the mix (probably Kelly Cutrone), but it was awesome to see the wannabes compete with each other to open a collection. And then, we even got an original photo shoot courtesy of Hello Kitty. And, Sophie is on a roll! Maybe this Cycle could turn around! Yeah right. This week, they’re off to Asia. How many of the wannabes will actually know where Macau is? Will Tyrant make them speak Cantonese… or even Portuguese? Only 6 girls are left. Who will be eliminated tonight?

So this week, the wannabes are off to Macau and it made me think back to all the other international trips… the hits and the misses. Obviously, nothing will EVER top Milan when Shandi cheated on her boyfriend. That phone call is still one of the best moments in reality TV. She was the hottest of ANTM messes. Then there was the oh-so-foreign Maui for the midget cycle. That was definitely the worst. I hope we see some wannabes lost in translation!

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Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the Brits continued on a comeback role as another American got the boot. This time it was the ever-boring and bug-eyed Kyle that failed to impress. The best part of the whole episode had to be listening to Tyrant pile compliments onto Seymone, because we all know how much Tyrant loves to pimp her pet projects, only to see that the fiercely real wannabe was a total disaster in every single background shot she was in. Amazing. Tyrant is clueless. Speaking of clueless… do you think Nigel, Mr. and Miss J saw the epic firing coming? More on that later. How will Tyrant manipulate the results this week? What annoyingly self-serving nonsense will Madame Ego bless us with? How many Cycles must we wait until Tyrant fires herself? Only 7 or something like that remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

First off… supes totes sorry for being so late with this recap. Last week was crazy for me in the real world with work and stuff. You guys are all so awesome for coming back to this recap every week and I’m sorry I didn’t get it done sooner.

Now… Miss Tyrant. Can I get an UGH? What’s the female version of a douche bag? Seriously. You, your manipulations, and choice to steer ANTM away from modelling towards gimmicks and branding has cost you audience loyalty, credibility, and relevance. This latest stunt has everyone I know rolling their eyes and talking about moving on. Is it time? Are we there? I don’t know about all of you, but I’m pretty damn close to letting ANTM go. Sigh.

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Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant continued along her quest to strip any of the show’s remaining credibility by forcing the wannabes to sing and dance to Lisa D’Amato songs about pot ledoms and booty tooching. Then, she had the audacity to boot AzMarie, one of the most unique and talented models the show has had in years. Why? Because she was good and she knew it. She was too good for Tyrant’s gimmicky nonsense. Tyrant loathes independence in her wannabes. So… poof. Gone. There weren’t even any photos last week. There was no modelling… just shtick and a new low for Tyrant. Can she bounce back? Will she wake up to the fact that she is killing this show and driving its committed fans to the drink? Only 8 girls remain. Who will be the lucky girl eliminated tonight so they can go and start their ACTUAL modelling career?

Hey folks. Sorry about last week’s recap. What a week to miss. You’ll be happy to know that I was in Puerto Vallarta sunning myself on the beach, drinking too much tequila and hanging out with scores of super woofy men. The bad news is I missed an epic episode. I’m almost glad I didn’t recap it… as you can tell by my intro I am still pretty damned pissed about what happened. I knew it was gonna be bad because Dan, Nic, and other friends were hitting my Facebook wall ranting about it. What a sad, depressing, and disappointing spectacle that was. And to lose AzMarie like that. Such a waste of an actual talent. Tyrant… this one goes down with Lauren Brie’s boot and Whitney’s win. Just awful and wrong. Here are some more adjectives… just for fun… lame, transparent, manipulative, and egotistical. Don’t even get me started on the booty tooching crap. Just because your booty is getting bigger, does not mean booty tooching is an actual thing.

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Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant finally delivered a proper photoshoot that let us see which models were really starting to pull away and which were soon to be cannon fodder. AzMarie and Laura seem to the frontrunners for Team Yank while Catherine and Sophie are leading the charge for Team Brit. Unfortunately, we did have to endure another challenge about branding because as we all know being America’s Next Top Model isn’t about modeling, it’s about being a ridiculous brand. Ahem Angelea. Ahem Lisa. Thankfully, Candace and her forced lip pout were sent packing. And this week, the wannabes are off to CANADA for Toronto Fashion Week. Welcome to the land of beavers ladies! How many god-awful Canadian stereotypes will be thrown in our faces? Will Tyrant end every sentence in “eh”? Only 10 girls are left. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Okay second paragraph is all ‘bout Canada tonight. For you American readers, here are some things you need to know about this Canadian. 1 – I do not say “aboot”. I’m from Vancouver; we talk like Californians, not Scottish/North Dakota hybrids. 2 – I do say “eh” and “sorry” WAY TO MUCH. Sometimes thank you and sorry come out in the same sentence. “Oh, excuse me, thanks, sorry”. 3 – I have never seen an igloo in person, but I did play hockey. 4 – I absolutely think curling is an awesome sport and more people should watch it on TV. 5 – I absolutely think Cary Rae Jepsen needs to be the next big Canadian artist to make it in the USA. “Call Me Maybe” is so the song of 2012. And yes, you should call me, maybe.

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Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the sh*t hit the fan. Seriously, what else can I say? I could go on about Tyrant’s ongoing attempts to brand the wannabes (this year as superheroes), or I could jump right into the crazy that was Louise losing it at panel, calling Kelly Cutrone rude and vice versa, freaking out in tears, storming out, and quitting. Her picture was gorgeous, but it wasn’t enough to shut the judges up so she tried to shut THEM up. It didn’t work. Louise’s sudden departure spared the rest of the girls from elimination and there was some serious crap to choose from. I’m looking at you Alisha and Eboni. So what drama awaits us tonight? Will we finally get a normal photo shoot with some actual quality? Will Tyrant give someone a lame speech about branding? Only 11 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

So, the other day I was reading some interview Tyrant gave about how the character she portrays on ANTM is just a character and that she’s actually more like the person from her talk show. She wants to go back to the “magic” of Cycle 1 and pull back from her “character” that has developed over the last 18 Cycles. Interesting… right? I’ve been yelling at her for years… all the way back to Cycle 3 or 4 to do this! Is she finally listening? Did the Angelea debacle finally let her see the light? Did she read my article on how to make the show great again? I sure hope so! Read it here. Here’s another little thought for Tyrant to chew on… she, nor her character, are what makes this show great. The amazingness comes from modeling in interesting photo shoots and the models themselves.

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