You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.
Honestly? Wow… Let’s just start with that. I’m sure all you contestant-lovin’ fag hags are tellin’ your closest mo’s they looked “GORgeous” in this latest attempt at fame. But, both you and I- and that litre of Ben and Jerry’s you’re pounding- know you’re lying. This video was model suicide. Congratulations to Aaron (winner from Cycle One) for embracing all the big girl jokes she received after stuffing herself into that banana-hammock during last year’s pride and becoming Aunt Jemima of the “model” world and bakin’ cookies for the girls… they do NOT need them by the way 😉 But, the rest of us are still hoping this competition ends in a real model contestant for the first time, so keep those fat-cakes to yourself (Baby Duck “champagne” included 😉 cause, some of those boys are still trying!
I fully appreciate the: “Stand here, turn your head from side-to-side” exercise they put the boys through (one of the harder tasks we endured as faux-models last year… joking), but honestly, some of the boys couldn’t even accomplish that. To top it off, having the “never-gonna-make-its” (for the most part) walk along a beam for the camera? Terry, be kind, please rewind! Let’s start them off with patting their head and rubbing their bellies at the same time… maybe then we would have seen less dives than Chris Chelios during a play off 😉 Sports reference, yeah, I went there!
So, cut to french “Il y a qu’un homme” [There is only one man] by Suzana da Camara, and we find a black and white video montage of the boys walking a beam on the rooftop of (I’m assuming) some random homo’s apt. in the west end… Oh, no wait, first it’s Aaron explaining to us why how he’s become such a huge model in the last couple years since his cycle declared him the winner [insert awkward, disparaging laughter here]… and then we see the boys.
Once again, the pose and walk is precarious… I’m not sure if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, but you’re cute! Own it. I like the new hairy jaw thing by the way! Most of the boys are going either for androgynous or “maybe she’s a girl so I can’t vote her out cause that would be sexist” look, but own your manliness mr! Again though, listen to the men behind the scenes, because from what I remember, they know what they’re talking about, and they can “learn” you to walk as sexy as you need to!
Great walk, confident and calm… but for reals??? What is up with the lower-lip piercing? I’m not sure what you heard from our 4th through 10th place losers last year, but the “emo” vote doesn’t really count for all that much. Lose the stud and let the photographer focus on the cute smile and great body… Otherwise it just looks like your late night at Denny’s didn’t include a napkin.
Oh Garon. I’m so glad you decided to stay in the competition… While we both have clearly accepted the fact that you have no chance to win this, I’m excited you have the guts to stick it out! It’s honestly more fodder for me, and your attempt to keep up with the likes of Rob and Tyrone is a harrowing (yes, I spelled that exactly how I meant to 😉 attempt at fame… I wish I had your guts! Maybe do your hair differently? The locks are actually something you could work with- maybe turn it into a unique look to at least have you stand out from the rest of the skinny boys.
Ok, you won the first mini-contest, but the airbrushing is over: it’s video time and you need to man up… or at least twink up. Honestly, I get that your unruly hair is “your thing”, but maybe we could combine it with a smile that doesn’t forebode the theft of our iPhone after we’re done tricking with you come last call at the O? I appreciate the effort to show off some muscles during the beam-walk, but no one ever earned any votes in a V-neck. FACT.
Yes, we all did a double take on this one. Who the hell is Rick? So, apparently “Jeremy” dropped out (and I use quotes there because not only did she apparently lose her shit while discussing my past post, but her real name has never been fully proven) so, the 11th place victim took the spot. I know what you’re thinking: who would want to be the guy that came 11th to Zackeri? (God, I haven’t even gotten to her yet and I’m already bashing…. what a bitch eh? 😉 But, I guess this boy was up for it. It seems the beam wasn’t in line with his style, so all we get from this 11th hour/11th spot supplement is a head twist to reveal a pleasant smile… and not much else.
My fav. While the rooftop walk didn’t allow us to see your greatest attributes, the head spin proved to everyone that the trimmed beard was just a frame for a gorgeous smile. The stilted look is a bit aggressive, but I think about 80% of us kind of get into that: “What is that jacked jock going to do to me once we’re done f-ing” look, so good on ya! You maintain my top vote you dirty boy!
Not going to lie, you dropped a few points in my book this week. Though Patrick (site owner) was pulling for you after performing alongside you and yours in the Olympics, I have to admit, the BC Pavilion Party this weekend did NOT win you any points. For those who weren’t able to attend (which was apparently all of gay Vancouver after 10pm this Friday), Homorazzi helped put on an amaze-balls party at the Vancouver Art Gallery this Friday and Terry Costa made great use of the time to show off some of the model “talent”. In one of the distant open-bar rooms, the top models were paired off to “Vanna White” some of the video-technology being offered at the V.A.G. (mission: impossible). While I appreciate the sports theme of this contest, having the boys dressed in powder blue booty shorts and knee-high socks was not the way to go. Rob’s great body was at a loss during this event and we were left wondering just what exactly his bf is getting pro quo? Thankfully the video gives us a view of what the gym 7 days a week can produce so keep working that.
Also a powder blue boy at the gallery that night, this boy did not fail to live up to her less-than manly hairstyle. I’m glad the American Apparel long sleeve fit you well girlfriend, but the head swivel didn’t provide much more than a awe-filled sigh of regret as we wonder how much we all need to chip in before you can afford some product to deal with the rats’ nest.
One of the manlier contestants (and I say this from look alone as I’ve never met the boy): I think you also need to drop the V-neck. Once again, those droopy shirts aren’t doing anyone any favours and I think your body can stand for itself. The beam walk was a bit dubious, but the close-up revealed a serious look that might be able to propel you into a top 5 scenario. Play up your height and keep the look smolderin’. While your build isn’t what some of the bigger guys in the competition have pulled off, it’s been pointed out quite a bit in my last post that models these days are mostly on the toned side of things, so work that athletic/cardio-molded form as best you can!
Oh, dear Zackeri. I feel at this point I’m kicking the dead horse into zombie-state and then shooting it with a grenade launcher. In the line at the Pump Jack this Sunday, fellow writer Rich and I were discussing the use of “Participation” ribbons in Elementary School… and I think giving you one of them would even be a stretch. I get that you’re going for the … … … okay, to be honest, I’m not sure what look you’re going for, but I’m sure it’s something, so good for you! Your video’s cowlick is cute…? My best suggestion is making use of friends and family during the final show cause we all know last year’s winner and myself shouldn’t have done as well as we did, but pouring guilt to our buds to show aided us hugely in the final vote. Maybe you could buy out the balcony?
First video down, second to go.
“Hi I’m ___, and I’m Vancouver Next Gay Top Model.” While I don’t exactly think we should judge the boys based on their ability to “straight up” for the camera, half you girls couldn’t even put in an effort lower than alto in your attempt to declare yourself the next Gay Top Model? Bitch, please! We all know we drop an octave or so for our voicemail greetings, so why couldn’t you pull it out for this ad-vert? … Oh god, you were, weren’t you?
Can’t wait till the next installment Terry!! As much ribbin’ as I put y’all through, I do love the money this is going to bring in for a charity so close to me. I’ve been in that spot and know you go through a lot of craziness in this contest, but Mirateca is doing this for the best cause 🙂 [Click here for their upcoming schedule] The members and I love discussing the latest updates at Friends For Life- we’ve got a couple polls going on who we think’s gonna take the top spots 😉 I’ve heard word some nearly-nude Polaroids of the boys and a short self-narrative have been posted on the site. I’ll do my best to have up the next review before my friends and I head up to Whistler for Gay Ski Week: gotta make sure to bolster and batter a few egos before we hit the slopes! Good timing is only polite!
bitchinessviews and opinions expressed in this article are that of cast member Adam and do not represent the views and opinions of other cast members.