Vancouver 2010 Olympic Torchlighting FAIL!


“Speedskater Catriona Le May Doan was left standing holding her torch aloft.”

Have more hilarious words ever been spoken? We all know I’m one of the bigger anti-Olympians out there, but nothing in the world could have prepared me for the utterly awesome failure that was last night’s torchlighting. Showing up in the 5th hour to Donovan’s busy Olympic viewing party, I made sure to sport my received-that-day “Nobody Cares” Vancouver 2010 t-shirt from bustedtees. Surviving the gauntlet of jeers from my brainwashed “pro 2010” friends, I poured myself a huge glass of wine and settled down to watch the last 30 minutes of the show as K.D. Lang belted out “Hallelujah”.


As the ceremonies came to a close and two well-known Canadian men took the stage with their torches (and two barely-to-not-at-all known women as well), we all anxiously awaited the grand finale. Realizing that millions upon millions of dollars had been poured without any care in the world into this show, we all expected a pretty huge shabang. And, it did NOT disappoint. So, spread out in very original “boy/girl/boy/girl” style, the famed Canadians awaited the rise of their giant icicle torches: WAH WAHHHHH. As Wayne Gretzky, Steve Nash, Nancy Greene and Catriona Le May Doan all stood there expectantly, we at home (and in the stadium) realized something wasn’t right: the Olympic torchlighting began to abort…


After hitting repeat on the trumpet iPod song playing the torchbearers through the final moments more than a few times, the giant icicle torches finally began to rise… but not all of them!! Never has my smile been so huge. Walking into the main room at Donovan’s party I was instantly met with anger and resentment as my predictions of disaster came to volition. The 4 giant torches were meant to collide mid-air in some sort of Native teepee-esque way but only 3 made it to the party. Catriona Le May Doan’s torch never rose. Maybe it didn’t know who she was either 😉

David Atkins- the man hired years ago to “parlay millions of dollars” into this show to make sure it was spectacular- blamed “hydraulic issues” as the culprit. Simply awesome. My immediate facebook change read as such: “Olympic Ceremony Torch Lighting: FAIL!!!!! should have had it made in china!!” This truly was a once in a lifetime experience… my friends had been right this entire time!

To give a bit of background on my abhorrence of this event, it needs to be said that for the past couple days I’ve been having an all-out war with some “I want to ignore the past and live blindly in princess fairytale land” friends concerning the origins of the Olympic Torchlight Relay. You do know it began as Nazi war propaganda in 1936 right? Hoping to compare the pure aryan race and their ambitions to the ancient greeks, Hitler restarted the Torchlighting tradition and turned into in a relay to show off the athletic prowess of his blond haired, blue eyed followers. So, how is it that 2% of people today actually know or even care about this fact? I’m still unsure about that one. According to my friends it’s easier to ignore the sad stuff and focus on the FUN! Yeah, that’s cute… but not very responsible.

Oh well, karma kicked us nucks in the ass last night as the Olympics kicked off with a giant miscarriage.

I love the Olympics 🙂

  • Jared

    Adam, you’re amazing. In fact, so much so that this post disgusts me. So the 4th pillar didn’t rise, so what? Why is that something to cheer about? You say you’re so anti-Olympics. Why? Do you even know what you’re talking about when you’re protesting the idea of the Olympics? Like true Canadians, we got over it and got on with our day. The fact that you’re dwelling on something this trivial doesn’t say much about you.

    As for the malfunction itself, it was hydrolics. If you think it was anything else, well… I think you need to go back to highschool and learn how basic mechanical things work.

    As for your joke about not knowing Catriona, several Canadians do know who she is and the significance she has as part of Canadian Olympic history. She’s accomplished more than you probably ever will.

    As for David Atkins, the man did an amazing job. The ceremony cost approximately $30M compared to Beijing’s $300M, yet many people are agreeing ours was at close, at par, or even better than Beijing. Perhaps you should put your jaded ignorance aside and actually watch the Ceremony for the artistic value and technology behind it.

    As for the torch relay, who cares how the tradition was restarted. The fact is that in THESE times, the torch is symbolic of unity and perseverance. Get a grip, and stop finding trivial excuses to put the entire Olympic games down.

    It’s incredibly disturbing that you find happiness in a mishap that occurs during the games. You might as well laugh at the fact that the Georgian luger died during his training run. Realize what the Olympic games stand for; what they represent for the world. Something must be really wrong with you to be rooting against your own country when the entire world is setting its eyes on us.

    Find a real and compelling reasons to argue against the Olympics instead of rambling substanceless, anti-Olympic remarks, because the bull that you’re is incredibly sad. Your laughter in this situation shows how small you really are, and that you apparently don’t have much going on for you to focus so much attention on the negatives which don’t even matter in the long run. Here’s to hoping you get some sort of grip on reality and eventually write an article worth reading.

  • Justin

    Hell has freezed over and has been turned into a ski hill. I actually agree with Adam.

  • Haha, thanks justin. I’ll tell satan to turn down the air con 😉
    And Jared, wow… you did NOT like this article ha.
    To be fair, everyone’s allowed their opinion: this is just mine. I love how ANGRY people/friends get at my being anti-olypmics, apparently it’s the final taboo ?
    I’m very canadian first and foremost: i’m born and raised all 27 years of my life in vancouver- very few people I find can say that these days and i’m proud of that fact. There’s great things about this city and i revel in them all. I’ve lived abroad and traveled all over and from that i can see what i really like about this place and areas i think we can improve. SO, when i do take issue with a decision our city makes i think it’s fair i be allowed to voice em’.
    And, i think it DOES matter how things began: knowing history is the only way not to repeat the same mistakes.
    That’s awesome you enjoyed the show and love these games, but i have a different opinion and think i have the right to feel that way. Finally, while I didn’t spend much time in physics learning about hydraulics**, i did however pay attention in english and learn how to spell 😉

  • Jared

    Ooo, I spelt one word wrong. You still haven’t brought up a valid reason for opposing the game. Yeah, you have your right to your opinion. But at least have a valid reason as to why. Otherwise you’re just barking out your ass.

  • Dubious origins.
    Waste of money that has bankrupted many previous cities and threatens to do the same again.
    98% geared towards the elite and wealthy.
    Cambie street small business destroying.
    Pushing around and loss of rights for homeless.
    Celebration of prosperity during international time of crisis and destruction in other parts of the world.
    …but just to name a few 😉

  • Jared

    Finally. Now how about putting that into a meaningful post with some facts and citation so that your arguments against the Olympics have substance and a real point of view. Believe me, I actually appreciate you making these points rather than just ranting.

  • Ryon

    is this a debate or a pissing contest???

    Its not about who is right, or who is wrong. Like Adam and Jared both said, you each have your reasons for what you believe. Whether those beliefs are off base or not, enlightened or not, believe and express what you want. But do so like adults.

    Lets not get petty… pointing out Jared’s spelling mistake, while ignoring your own within the main article or Justin’s grammar arguably because he was supporting you, detracts from how valid your points were. You disagree with all the hype surrounding the Olympics… okay. You have your reasons… okay.

    While I would consider myself pro-Olympics, I appreciated this article… mainly because as someone who plays devils advocate, I don’t mind hearing the opposition.

    I do disagree with alot of what you said, but Im not going to cut you down because you said it…. if anything one thing stuck with me.

    Despite how the torch relay began, despite the unfortunate malfunctions during the opening ceremonies, as well as the other negative aspects of the games…. one thing is certain – Like it or not they are here. There is nothing we can do about it now, and in that moment we are given a choice on how to act and these actions reflect on us publicly.

    Like I said, I am pro-games, so I am cheering the athletes on proudly, and as a self proclaimed proud vancouverite, you could be supporting your city. Like it or not, the world is watching.

    You can never please everyone, but when you live in the past, you live alone. There are countless things that began in infamy, do they still represent that today – No.

    Dwelling on the mistakes of our past, will never allow us to move forward.

  • Jared

    Well said, Ryon.

  • Hey Adam

    “And, i think it DOES matter how things began: knowing history is the only way not to repeat the same mistakes.”

    You should apply that to your experiences with men…HAHA ZING!

  • Justin

    One can support the athletes while still opposing the 2010 Games. I agree that the Games are here and we can’t do anything about it. I do hope they are successful considering we sacrificed everything else in our city for it: quality schools, fine arts funding, housing for the homeless, etc.

  • Two little known Canadian women? Oh Adam. Senator Nancy Greene is one of BC’s most decorated. Get out of that room above your parents’ garage and take a tour of our province. Check out the Kootenays and the beautiful Nancy Greene lake and provincial park.

    As for Catriona… her back to back gold medals in the 500m is legendary!

    You also forgot to mention Rick Hansen bringing the torch into the stadium. The Man in Motion is one of our icons… not to mention your own hometown of Richmond. His global trip and subsequent leadership in spinal cord research is an amazing achievement.

  • As edumacated as Adam is…he’s kinda clueless.

  • Well, I mean they’re no Gerhard Herzberg- Nobel Prize winner in chemistry for molecular spectroscopy… or Harold Innis – political economist; author of seminal works on Canadian economic history, media and communications… oh wait, you guys have no idea who those people are? God, get out of your westend studio and pick up a book or article sometime 😛
    (Yes, it sounds just as prissy when i say it back to you girls.)
    I also forget to mention about 4000 things that happened during that torchlighting rich- wasn’t really the focus of the article though… i like to write with a BIT of specificity cheers.

  • And, ryon, thanks for the level-headed reply. That’s basically what I think: everyone’s allowed their opinion: i’m not saying pro olympic people are wrong but i’m saying i have a different take on it. Though, i’m not sure how much fun you’d be come remembrance day if “don’t think about the bad stuff” is the motto you’re pro. that’s kind of why he make kids take history in high school, so they understand the past and “dwell” on it a bit to make sure we make better decision in the present and future.
    finally, i’ve re-read the article about 3 times and still can’t find my spelling errors “throughout” my piece… any help would be appreciated, i do hate to have spelling errors.

  • ger

    Since you asked, I’ll help: “my predictions of disaster came to volition”. It’s not a spelling mistake, but rather an incorrect word choice. I think you meant fruition, not volition.

    I hope that by pointing this out I don’t come across like a massive prick the way you did when you dropped the names of the Nobel prize winner and political economist. Maybe they can do a duet at the closing ceremonies. It would be fun to see two dead guys up there,

  • Adam

    Haha don’t worry: you TOTALLY didn’t 😉


  • Nate

    I’m gonna spare myself from even reading this article to begin with… It sounds like more of an abortion than the opening ceremonies.

  • Yikes! I could NEVER write an article that bad 😛 hehehe.

  • Linds

    What I’m really blown away with is that some of your best friends in the world were actually IN the opening ceremony and you didn’t even try to be a teeny bit positive for their benefit?
    How bout a little “yeah, the torch didn’t work quite right, but my friends looked awesome in their white outfits and their part was amazing!”
    I’m just saying, when you’re involved in something (eg. Gay Top Model) I come out with big signs and crazy cheers, not this mean-spirited slap in the face 🙁

  • Linds is my new hero.

  • THIS is the first comment you make on my articles? hehehe.
    Well, I asked for it didn’t I? 🙂
    To be fair, I would like to think that I had a PRETTY good sense of humour about the competition that I was in and could make/take a joke about the ridiculous aspects of it alongside everyone who made one instead of refusing to hear ANY disparity about the event I attached my name to. You know, completely unlike anyone i’ve met who’s been involved in the olympics who’s neck whiplashes if you SNEEZE the wrong way about the games.
    And, I showed up- in spite of my arguments- to Donovan’s party that night to cheer on our friends and when Patrick and Daniel got to the party themselves I said congratulations along with everyone else!
    “I’m just saying” 😉
    … Rich, I am your new hero now?? 🙂

  • No. Linds wins.

  • HUGE shocker.

  •‘s done it once more. Superb read.