The other day I wrote about how Labor Day felt more like New Years Day than New Years itself. To kick off my new year, I decided to wake up earlier and start working out. Over the past year, I’ve gotten really lazy and haven’t been to the gym. Anyway, I digress.
Since I was up at an extremely early hour, I was able to catch The Tyra Banks Show season five premiere on the east coast feeds. The much ballyhooed premiere would feature GASP Tyra showing us her real hair. Ya’ll ready for it. Trya began the show talking on a cell phone while sitting on a bench. This would be the lead up to what eventually would be a Broadway style dance number. Oh Tyra. After the number, we finally head to the studio where we finally see Tyra’s real hair.
(Tyra’s real hair- front and back)
She walks out looking skinnier than she has in years in a black number with her hair slicked back or what I thought was her hair slicked back. I was half expecting her to come out with short hair or maybe even no hair at all. Tyra starts talking all hood explaining that this is her real hair and that she just stepped out of the shower- having put on her make up on first of course. Whether or not she just stepped out of the shower is questionable but her hair is indeed wet. She turns around and we see water dripping down her back. She babbles on about how she felt there was this long lasting unsolved mystery revolving around her hair and that she finally felt it was time to solve said mystery. LMAO. In her exact words “The Real Me, The Raw Me”. She also felt it was important to convey the right message to young girls that it’s okay to have real hair and to love it. In fact, every member of the studio audience had their real hair- no tracks, extensions, hair weaves, clip ons etc. Hmmm. Point to ponder, I wonder if there was a special security check to make sure no one was trying to smuggle in their horse hair. Can’t you just picture it now. Instead of big burly muscle bouncer type guys at the entrance, you get a bunch of queens with their styling tools inspecting each head of hair. 20th “Oh Tyra” of the show and I’m only 6 minutes in. Dare to bare your real hair, ya’ll. To prove her hair was real, she invited anyone in the audience to come up and grab her hair to prove it’s authenticity. Literally 30 women and 1 MAN (lucky homo lol) came up to cop a feel of Tyra’s hair.
(Left: Tyra in mid-style mode Right: Audience members rush to the stage)
After fast-forwarding through a ridiculous segment of Tyra showing her most memorable weaves by placing her silly head through the face cutout of life-sized placards of herself during certain events, her hair stylist Oscar James comes out. Throughout the show James will be blow-drying and styling Tyra’s hair. Ooooooh and the anticipation builds. During the styling process, a series of girls comes out who “dare to bare their real hair”. Though the first girl who came out was redonkulous, the last girl’s story was touching. She was this bi-racial girl who from an early age was taught to be ashamed of her real hair. Her mom didn’t want other people to know she was half black so she kept shaving her hair because she didn’t want a nappy haired baby. Talk about therapy. Now in her teens, the girl spends 2 hours a day straightening her hair so that she doesn’t have to tell anyone about her heritage. Soooooo sad. When she comes out she sports a wicked curly mane people would die for. Her boyfriend then comes on stage to hug her and Tyra instructs him to feel her hair- up to this point, he had never seen her natural hair.
(Tyra after a half hour of styling resembling Vanessa Williams in the late 80s)
Halfway during the show, Tyra’s stylist finishes styling her hair. It actually looks pretty good. When Oscar pulls the smock off of her, she proudly comments how she feels and looks like Vanessa Williams circa 1989 (see picture for comparison). Another “Ooooh Tyra” escapes my lips.
The last half hour focused her “celebrity” guest, Perez Hilton. He was there to promote his new fashion website and his upcoming tour. Snore. The only thing interesting during this segment was an agreement the two decided upon on national TV (yeah right, like this wasn’t planned hours if not days before this). Tyra talked about how she felt it wasn’t right to comment and make fun of celebrity kids until they were 18 so she made Perez promise not to write about them for 3 whole months. I should note that Perez could write facts about the offspring but just couldn’t give his usual bitchy opinions and rude commentary. In turn, Tyra promised Perez he could be on an upcoming episode of ANTM- most probably cycle 14. Do you think Perez could hold up his end of the deal? Only time will tell.
I have to admit as much fun as I poke fun at Miss Tyra, I love her ridiculous-over-the-top self. The woman has no shame and it makes for great TV. I’ve only watched a couple of handfuls of The Tyra Banks show and begrudgingly I have to admit, I’ve laughed out loud literally on each and every one of them. Her talk show is one of the best places to catch a laugh-intentional or not.
Video clip from the season premiere