In my opinion, ‘wrath‘ is one of the most fun sins (outside of lust, obvi). One of my favorite facets of gay life is our people’s ability to read each other to filth, cleverly highlight each other’s deepest insecurities, and then start a Twitter feud to boot.
Hell hath no fury like a gay man who was ignored in an Instagram DM.
It’s fun! Y’know what’s interesting though, is that we’re so quick to judge each other for going off, even though we’re usually quick to do the same. Sometimes, it can feel like the currency of our culture is our ability to deliver a stinging retort, yet somehow come off blameless.
We lash out at people because they’ve hurt us, so we need to hurt them worse.
Y’know, the same tactic that we also took when we were in elementary school, and that bitch Valerie started a rumor that you peed your pants. So maybe you told people that Valerie pooped her pants during gym and you saw it all happen. And then no one went to her birthday party because she was gross, but everyone went to yours. Except for Valerie.
A lot of us can replace some of the verbs in that last paragraph with real-world examples, and it would still work for us as twenty or thirty-year-olds.
That bitch Jason started a rumor that you were cheating on your boyfriend with Nathaniel. So maybe you told people that actually Jason wanted to bone Nathaniel, but Nathaniel told you that Jason had a pencil dick. And now no one wants to sleep with Jason because he’s gross, but everyone wants in your pants. Except for Jason.
Which, I mean, honestly sounds like great tea.
The problem is though, that as adults, it’s not a good sign that we deal with disagreements or issues the same way we did in middle school- it kind of shows a lack of personal growth, and definitely shows a lack of self-awareness.
I hate to blame every single stereotypical homosexual behavior on the way the majority of us grew up, but in this case, it makes sense to do so.
We had to hide who we were in our adolescence, constantly afraid someone would find out we were gay, constantly afraid that we would be ridiculed, and constantly processing rejection- both from others and at times, our own self- rejection of our sexuality.
That’s a lot of raw nerves we had to deal with.
So we learned to insulate ourselves. We put down others before they can put us down. We write the sarcastic comment on the post so no one will know how scared or insecure we are. If we’re the loudest, most sarcastic, most cutting guy in the room, we’ll be untouchable.
Our wrath comes from fear. At the slightest provocation, we unleash all of the pent-up insecurities and hurts and disappointments on some random Instagram troll who said our left pec looks a bit droopy.
(but honestly, fuck you guy. My left pec is as firm as my stance on pixie cuts- i.e. they make you look like a prepubescent boy.)
It kind of goes back to what I was saying in my post about Lust– being sassy and sarcastic is fun, until you use it as a way to cloak your genuine self. Then it’s just an emotional cop-out; a way for us to be able to go through life without being touched, without being hurt.
But also without allowing ourselves to develop and grow emotionally.
In addition, sometimes we tend to take it too far with our little sarcastic comments, and we come off just looking like a dick.
So the next time you’re about to comment on that picture of your friend taking his enth shirtless selfie in two days, ask yourself- Is the comment I’m about to write coming out of my own insecurity? Am I writing it just to bother my friend? Or do I really think it’s funny, and while there may be a hint of sarcasm there, will it make people laugh?
I challenge you to not just say sarcastic or sassy things because it’s what people expect from you. I think that there are a lot of people who keep being sarcastic (and at times mean) because that’s the role they’ve played so long, they don’t know how to stop.
I challenge you to go out of your way, once every day, to say something that lifts someone else up, instead of just tearing them down.
I challenge you to, though it sounds cliche, take the higher road if someone calls you out- don’t start social media (or real life) beef with someone. Honestly, sometimes the response that will get underneath someone’s skin the most is no response at all.
Most importantly, I challenge you to balance your sarcastic comments and sass with love, with vulnerability, and with emotional maturity.
That way, when you do read your friend to filth, they’ll think it’s hilarious, instead of thinking you’re a total asshole.