Hot guy, hot girl, crazy chick, incest murderous dad and Australian: how could this movie go wrong? The Loved Ones is a killer (forgive the pun) thriller about a prom night gone terribly, terribly wrong. It’s the story of two sweet and sexy teen lovers who seem perfect for one another in a Florence Nightingale and tragic broken man kind of way who are waywarded by a lunatic classmate who won’t take no for an answer. Staring the sexy (and my age might I add) Xavier Samuel and his six pack and tortured haunting looks, The Loved Ones goes deeper than the average horror/gore and offers a twisted past for its protagonist to overcome as he attempts to survive the love of his crazy-eyed crush Robin McLeavy. I have to say that there’s something so bleak about Australian cinematography that gets me every time as the they drop the need for flashy cars, blasting guns and impossible make up and outfits and instead focus on the story. Any movie that shows the main characters as having a blemish or undone hair is aces in my book. This is definitely one of those films.

Not just your typical prom slasher, The Loved Ones follows the oddly faintly intertwined story of a half-orphaned teen boy and a bad girl suffering from the loss and disappearance of her brother. The concurrent stories of their respective nights of extreme torture and extreme sex, drugs and rock and roll has you wondering just why the director bothers with the tale of the slutty goth girl who seems to add nothing but humour to a story otherwise littered with nailed feet and drilled skull. But, I won’t ruin a thing for you except to say that they do unite in a meaningful way that saddens more than it does satisfies but damn there’s something so filling about a perfectly tragic revelation isn’t there? Maybe it’s just me.


Setting aside the Dragon Tattoo girl’s night of debauchery, this film is primarily about the kidnapping and torture of a class hunk by one of the most tragic and deranged characters I’ve seen in a while. Robin McLeavy plays desperate and manic to a tee and her bug-eyed incestual father mirrors her crazy to the very end. Only the pure beauty and sincerity of Xavier’s girlfriend Victoria Thaine gives you ANY hope that this movie will end in anything but a total blood bath. The acting is difficult to gauge as the situation is so nearly impossible but the performances are never unbelievable nor false so far that I truly applaud this brave cast. If you’re one for torture films, this is for you. If you like vengeance flick, this is for you. If you like a perfect happy ending, this is not for you.

I absolutely loved the pace of this movie as well as the contrast between stark Autralian outback simple scenery and exploded glitter of the torture chamber/crazy girl’s house. The only thing I hated was that a dog got hurt in the making of this film… well, not really, but in the movie he did and even more my animal-lovin’ heart that’s too much to bear. Do watch the trailer and judge if it’s too much for you to take on: I’m telling you it’s worth it. Included below is the main song the crazy girl sings OVER AND OVER AGAIN to the point that you can’t believe it’s real it’s so sad and poignant for her character… but it actually is (imagine it sung on repeat by the creepiest person you know). Enjoy!

Kasey Chambers – “Am I Not Pretty Enough”