Oh Kristen, can’t you please just focus on finishing the Veronica Mars film?

The Lifeguard is a boring look at an existentially angsting 30-something (good god I hope she’s not pretending to be in her 20s) who quits “the rat race” lifestyle of big city living and working as a reporter to return to her sleepy town in Nowheresville to take up her old home with the rents’ and job at the local pool as a lifeguard. Already I can tell you’re clicking to the next article. Yes, this movie is much more for those looking for drama, a pseudo love story and for us 20-30 year olds who likely have too much time on our hand to think about the minutia of daily comings and goings as they/we search for meaning outside of “making money and being powerful“.

Kristen Bell is by all means a fine actor in this production and there’s nothing hoakey or bad about it, but good lord does this thing move slowly. Focusing on her sad return to a simpler time, this movie follows the older lifeguard as she slowly but surely falls for a high school senior (I think his name is David Lambert… he is MUCH too young for me to call hot, but he’s cute enough for those into that type). The story is painful as you watch the blond regress but eventually discover herself through the eyes of a younger and non-spoiled younger man. To be honest, I did NOT watch this one all the way through but saw enough to warn you about it.

The Lifeguard Movie Trailer