The Hills Final Season Episode 11 Recap: “You Can’t Make Brody Jenner Make You Feel Like An Idiot”

As the Hills crew is getting back from their Costa Rican vacay, Patrick is off boating for a week. As a result, yours truly will be doing the recap (minus the parody because I look hein-balls in blonde wigs) for the penultimate episode of “The Hills“. I can’t believe there’s only one new episode left before the reality show goes off the air.

The blond “Witches of Eastwick WeHo” gossip at a trendy LA cafe. All three share respective news with each other. Stephanie catches Lo, and Holly up on the dramz that didnt’ stay in Costa Rica (Brody calling Kristin his sista) Lo informs the girls that Scott and her 1 year anniversary is coming up. Lastly, Holly shares with the ladies that her mama is coming from Crested Butte to hopefully see Heidi. Lo succinctly said it best “a mom never gives up on her kids”.

Meanwhile Brody and Frankie head over to 110 Speed Shop to hang with Taylor. The boys do their own version of the Costa Rica recap. The gist of their convo can be summarized in four words: “girls are more emotional”. Dunzo. With their touchy-feely moment out of the way, they each take a motor bike and head off. Well, everyone but Frankie. Not only did it take him forever to start the bike, but he immediately crashed and fell to the ground. Who said Asians were the only bad drivers?

The less-crazy Montag sister headed to LAX in her Jeep Wrangler to pick up Darlene. Expectedly, Heidi’s mom wants to see Heidi but Holly says she doesn’t have Mrs Pratt’s digits, so no can do. She also informs Momz that she, along with “The Hills” cast, has written them off. Darlene sadly comments, to keep trying and eventually Plastic Barbie will come around.

It wouldn’t be a Hills episode if there wasn’t a scene filmed at a night club. Though everyone was there, nothing really spectacular happened. Kristin whined about Brody, while Brody seemed more interested in texting his new lady love. The only thing remotely exciting was Stephanie getting hit on by one of Brody’s friends. Brody tried to warn him by saying Steph has A LOT of issues. Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.

She-Pratt’s new love interest, Josh, takes our favorite rehab girl to Angels & Kings. Steph orders a Pepsi, while Josh orders a Sprite. The two bond about ordering soft drinks and hit it off. No taboo topics were off limits during their first date. The new couple discussed everything from their families, alcohol issues and Brody trash-talking Steph. All the essentials for a perfect reality TV first date.

After receiving some encouragement from Stacie the Bartender (why do we still call her that), Kristin invites Brody over to her house to discuss their “situation”. Kristin lays it all out on the line and asks Brody to give them one more chance. Brody did his best JoJo impersonation and replied with “Too Little, Too Late”. Super OUCH.

Instead of her usual role as “sounding board” to the flawed ladies of The Hills, we actually see Lo go out on a date with her boyfriend at Yamashiro for their one year anniversary. After the two gush about how much they love each other and debate who facebook’ed whom first, Scott asks Lo to move in with her. She does the “awe schucks” thing, but says she won’t until their engaged. Awwwww, what a good old school girl.

With one failed text attempt to contact Heidi, Holly tries calling her one more time to hang with Mama Montag. Instead of reaching Heidi, she gets nothing and doesn’t leave a message since Heidi never set-up her voicemail. As any mother would, she cries and mourns the loss of a child. Even though Heidi is alive and kicking, let’s face it, she’s practically a walking zombie, thanks to Mr. Pratt.

Both Lo and Stephanie do a little downward dog, while catching up on each other’s dates the night before. After the quick rundown, Lo tells Steph that she’s meeting Kristin afterward because she sounds upset. See…. SOUNDING BOARD.

I have no idea why Lo had to meet up with Kristin in Santa Monica to hear Kristin’s latest drama. Have the girls been to every possible restaurant in WeHo? In a nutshell, Kristin cries about putting herself out there and getting no love back from the guy she likes. Meanwhile, Lo tries to build her confidence up by reminding Kristin how much of a maneater she once was in high school. Pick yourself up girl!!! You deserve more than Mr. Brody Jenner.

Overall lesson. Friends with benefits never work out. I can’t believe this was the second last episode. For a regular episode, it was sorta boring. From the looks of the teaser for next week’s series finale, it seems all the girls get a pseudo happy ending, except Kristin. She looks like she’s contemplating moving away. I can’t wait to find out how the producers decided to conclude The Hills successful six-year run. Killing off Speidi and Lauren making a cameo would be my wish list.

Songs Featured During This Episode:

  • DJ Khaled feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross – All I Do Is Win
  • Petree – Come Get It Now
  • Kaden – Black Light
  • Eminem – Not Afraid
  • Alicia Keys – Un-Thinkable (I’m Ready)
  • Adam Lambert – If I Had You
  • Jason Derulo – In My Head
  • Liz Golden – Butterflies
  • Paper Tongues – Get Higher
  • Colbie Caillat – I Never Told You
  • B.o.B – Don’t Let Me Fall