The Coming Out Story – We All Have One.

coming-out-milk

I was greatly inspired by Kevin’s story of his coming out to both himself and his family, and the years that transpired as he went through the process of discovering who he was as he eventually found himself in a place that he can truly be happy in. His story inspired me to write my version of the experience. Although vastly different from his- and completely void of religion- it is still the most triumphant moment of my life to date.

Similar to Kevin, I come from an area of the country (Canada in my case) that is more right-winged: Regina, Saskatchewan. I grew up in the north end, where all the boys played hockey: I chose to be a gymnast (my parents actuallygave me the choice between the two). I truly believe that my path to being the gay man I am today started when I was five years old and I felt an affinity for the more graceful side of things versus the macho-istic. But, that’s just forecasting twenty years later.

I too grew up in a house surrounded by a family that loved me and allowed me to grow into the person I wanted to be. They supported me and guided me when I had difficulty with bullies and fitting in with the boys in my classes.

I ran through every emotion in the book throughout my high school years (especially after moving to an even smaller town outside of Kelowna, British Columbia), and I knew things were only going to get tougher before they got easier. I dated girls, all the while being sexually active with boys. I struggled to understand what this meant, but suppressed my feelings by continuing to date girls in an attempt to “become normal” by doing “straight things”. Thankfully, all of the girls I dated through my experimental period respected me enough to understand what I was going through, and still love me to this day.

As for my family, I struggled the most with telling them. My father was loving, but I always had the perception of him being a man among men. Being the high school football captain, and in the army when he was in his prime, his level of manliness was unreachable for me. I felt that my lifestyle would shatter him and ultimately ruin our family dynamic. So, I told my sister first knowing she would understand, and to use as a crutch for support and to determine how my parents would react.

Naturally, my instincts were WAY off, and my parents handled it better than I ever could have imagined. They simply hugged me; told me they still loved me; and, nothing that I could ever do would change that. It’s taken the last few years for me to fully appreciate my parents and everything that they have done for me. Anyone that has ever met them can attest to the nature of their character and what truly amazing people they are; I thought they deserved a little shout out: I love you mom and dad!

All-in-all, coming out was one of the most difficult times of my life, as I slowly realized who I was and spoke about it openly to everyone in my life. I was fortunately blessed with an amazing support system of friends and family who all understood, and accepted me for who I was. I really only had one bad reaction, and I hope she’s reading this to see how I’ve bitch-slapped her on the net! Forgive me!

The final hurdle in my life still awaits: to tell my extended family, which, for some reason, is stressing me out more than any other group of people I’ve had to tell. This is largely due to the closeness of everyone in my family unit, and my feeling of regret for not telling them sooner. If they happen to come across this website, then I apologize in now for the lack of advanced warning! I just hope they understand that I am worried of losing their love and respect, which I know is exactly what every young gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered youth struggles with before they finally admit to themselves and to others, that they are who they are.

I’m proud of myself, Kevin, and everyone else who has a different, yet oddly similar version of this story. And, I’m proud that I’ve made something of myself.

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  • I love that you and Kevin have put your stories up here for everyone to read. I am not sure I could have done the same thing. I have a similar story to Kevin, I went through some therapy as well as juvie time for being gay. America is not “the land of the free” for everyone…

  • N-Dawgg

    I’m 16 going on 17, and it is extremely hard to tell your family, especially when you live in a small town (population 50-100 people), and everyone is religous and country and traditional. I’m so scared to tell them, cause they accused me before off breaking things, like our car, our house, and chinaware, because they had the clue I was gay (They took my cellphone and read my messages from my ex-boyfriend). I watched this movie of a teen who was gay, and eventually committed suicide. His life, and his family was exactly the same as mine. Very religious, very country, very judgemental. I ended noticing my parents were watching it, and after they saw that they acted differently towards me. They stopped giving me the cold shoulder. I’m still worried to tell them yet. I’m hoping to wait for this summer, when I move out to Ottawa. I’m just worried that they will abandon me or something, cause family means so much to me and I don’t want to lose them.

  • awww, well we all go and/or are going through this. the best bit of advice i have gotten regarding this is prove to your family that gay is a small thing in your life and you excel at everything/something(s) much more life effecting/attention grabbing (and i have yet to even get a job so i got a long way to go). for instance, dont know why you moving to ottawa but if its to start work, you know work hard, move up the ladder, etc prove to your family that your being gay does not hinder you in life. or if you are going to school in ottawa, work your ass off and find something your passionate about and excel it.
    Cheers and Good luck to you and all Homos looking to get comfortable within themselves and within society!
    PS. I am almost turning 30, so your just a baby and have a long time to slowly adjust/find a place/way to get through to gayism in a hopfully smooth and effortless manner. Again, good luck!

  • Dan

    Nice touch gay person. I think it’s critical for you to know N-Dawgg that you’re not alone in your situation. It can be ridiculously tough but you’ll make it.

    Family is incredibly important to me as well and I struggled for years with the idea of losing them because I was gay. I’ve learned over the years that coming out is the best thing I could have ever done. Over time it brought my family closer.

    Similar to you, I left home at 17 to move to Vancouver and ‘start my life, being the person I truly was’. Once you’re comfortable in your new setting, it will only take a small amount of time before you’ll know you’re ready.

    Best of luck! Glad my story compelled you to tell yours.

  • N-Dawgg

    I’m sort of scared to move out, because I’m going to be on my own for the first time (with the help of my boyfriend). I have to find a job, pay for rent, etc. I see so many pros to moving but an equal amount of cons. I’m hoping to tell my parents/family when I’m moved out, that way I have somewhere to fall back on, if the worse things happens. For right now, I need to get out. This town, this community, these people are so discrimative. Everyone is judgemental. I wear a piece of clothing thats pink, and I get labelled gay automatically. It’s even hard to go school. I have kids willing to give up time so that I could miss my exams, by kicking my locker in, super glueing my lock, ganging up on me. It’s horrible to come up when your young, from my eyes.

  • aww bebe it gets better — highschool is always suppose to be your toughest time in life, it really gets better when your done, since you can choose who to hang out with and who to x out of your life, so just keep doing your thing…school years almost done, no? anyways, good luck and you’ll be fine…if anything, the people who run this site (had to count, like 16) help me and you by sort of reminding us that they got to a place where they are comfortable and not scared about being who they are so eventually you and I will too. Remember, life is a balance of good and tough times, so if your going through a tough period now, stay tuned, it will get better. again, good luck!

  • N-Dawgg

    Yah I know. I always tell myself that. High school is drama. Worst times of my life, except for the moments you had with the very few people you can trust. I have grade 12 to finish, and off to university. Woot woot. I’m debating to come back after summer to finish my last year here, or to find a new school and finish it and Ottawa. Like you said, the best is yet to come.

  • bruin

    N Dawgg – the best is yet to come indeed. keep on keep on going and know that the light is there at the end of the tunnel, even if you dont see it at all in your place of darkness