The Biggest Loser LogoOk, so I’ve recently discovered the absolute genius that is THE BIGGEST LOSER…I know I’m about 6 seasons too late but whatever. I jumped into this season a few episodes in and was fucking hooked! I’ve made it a new tradition to kind of eat junk food while I watch it too, because I think I’m funny like that.

I also realized that eating that crap food TOTALLY defeats the purpose of why I keep watching that show. Let me set you up a bit. I, like pretty much every other gay on this site and on this planet have body issues…DUH! The thing with me is, not so long ago I was ACTUALLY in shape and doing something good, but then, like an idiot, I started smoking again with the logic in my head that YES! SMOKING WILL KEEP ME THIN! Eventually everything totally went south. I stopped working out completely, and became a disgusting lazy pig and gained like 15 pounds **shudder**. DIS-GUS-TING! And on top of that, I can’t even do a 5 minute dance routine without having my lungs almost pop!

So, I quit smoking again (it’s been 11 days, I deserve applause for that, it doesn’t get easier the more times you quit…does that even make sense?), and have been TRYING to get back to what I was doing before, and The Biggest Loser is what’s keeping me somewhat motivated…if THOSE FATTIES (and I use that term with the most love and affection in the world) can do it, then so can THIS FATTY (Again, I know in the real world I’m probably not considered a fatty, but I’m gay, I don’t live in the real world. I qualify as GAY FAT, and I don’t want to anymore!) I see that 400 pound behemoth running up a hill, and all I want to do is sit-ups. So I do. Funnily enough, that’s what got me in shape the last time. I watched the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, and those hotties just made me want to get to that point! TV IS A GOOD MOTIVATOR FOR ME! IMAGINE!

OK, back to this weeks show. It’s a couples season, and this past week after losing one person from two couples (leaving two singles and the rest couples), everyone got a shock when Sammy (From Days of our lives, she’s the host) tells them all that its time to get into the BLUE and BLACK teams, and you might not have the same trainer you started out with! People freaked, and my fave girl TARA won the up-and-down challenge and kept her trainer Jill. Everyone else was decided by a coin toss, and pretty much everyone (except for two people) lost their original trainers…still with me?

So Jill is OK with it, but Bob (who is SO FUCKING HOT!) starts crying like the homo he is. He lost his original peeps, and is sad. All I wanted to do was cradle him. Fast forward to the weigh-in…Dane and Tara lose crazy weight (again) the disgusting father Ron barely loses any; I can’t believe he’s still on the show. EW and when he takes his shirt off, its like a deformed body. I know, we have to feel bad for him cause he was 400 pounds his whole life, but honestly his body is like deformed it’s strange. That should be reason enough for him to be kicked off (don’t forget…gay blog…we judge!) Blue team, (with Dane, Tara (my fave) and Ron) loses and has to vote someone off.

If you haven’t seen it before, every week the team with the lowest % of weight loss has to vote someone off, and the winner gets a whole shitload of money at the end. Logically, you want to keep the people who will lose the most weight so you don’t have to vote off people from your team right?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU! THAT WAS NOT THE CASE THIS PAST WEEK!

The voted of DANE, who has lost 100 pounds in 8 weeks! THE FASTEST IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SHOW!! AND THEY KEPT ON THE DISGUSTING FATHER WHO HAS BAD KNEES AND CANT DO ANYTHING!

WHAT

THE

EFF

His excuse was the same as always (he’s been in the bottom 4 times now) that he NEEDS this place to lose weight. OK, I get it, you’re fat and need to lose weight. BUT it is a competition now more than ever and you voted off your strongest guy…IDIOT!

I ACTUALLY screamed at the TV when that happened, it was kind of embarrassing!

So DANE is gone, which sucks cause he is TOTALLY going to be hot when he’s super thin and in shape, and I still need to lose 10-15 pounds. Le sigh.