So Dan is BIZZAY. You’re stuck with me recapping SYTYCD this week. It’s my first time taking a crack at the world of dance for Homorazzi. Usually I stick to things I know best like Top Model. I don’t know the difference between cha cha and samba steps. I don’t know much about technique. I was never a dancer… but I can bitch and cheer with the best of them. Nigel… watch out because I might have a bigger hate-on for you than my nemesis Tyrant. If Ryan ends up in the bottom three again this week and you keep her… I will throw rotten bananas at my tv. Stop forcing your faves on us! Let’s get this shiz rolling!

Oh hi Cat Deeley! What a lovely frock you have on. And shoes to die for as always. She’s so cute. I would love to take her out drinking. This week we’ve got a couple new faces joining Nigel and Mary on the panel. First up is Carmen Electra. Interesting choice. But even BETTER is Travis Wall making his panel DEBUT. He’s so cute. I’ll always be bitter that Spazzy… I mean Benji beat him in Season 2.

Top 7 Guys (Contemporary)

Song: “Prague” – Damien Rice
Choreographer: Justin Giles
After 8 minutes of chat and commercials we finally get to some dancing. First up are the 7 guys for a “strong and masculine” contemporary number choreographed by SYTYCD newcomer Justin Giles. The piece about a cheating skank (my words, not his) has the gays dancing through the 7 stages of grief. Set to Prague by Damien Rice, the piece was interesting but not spectacular. Marko seemed to stand out… mostly because he was in the centre and shirtless. Deep. I know.

Melanie Moore & Marko Germar (Jazz)

Song: “Americana” – Lady Gaga
Choreographer: Ray Leeper

Marko and Melanie were first up this week. They’ve been judge and fan favourites all along. Can they keep it up? They’ve got an unknown choreographer. Who knows!!! It’s basically a Romeo and Juliet theme. Performed to Lady GaGa’s Americano, this routine turned out to be fantastic. A great way to open the show and equally great debut for a new choreographer. It had some kicking flamenco elements that I loved. Melanie, as always, stole the show, but Marko continues to keep up with her. Is there any way these two CANNOT make the final 10 at this point? I watched it three times. So good. I kinda wish Marko was hotter. He’s shirtless a lot, but doesn’t really do anything for me. Travis loved it. Carmen praised their strength. Mary said wow and passion a lot. Skeletor blah blah blahed.

Sasha Mallory & Alexander Fost (Hip-hop)

Song: “To The Moon” – Miguel
Choreographer: Shaun Evaristo

After such a strong start by Melanie and Marko, can these two keep the momentum going with another new choreographer? It’s hip hop first date with Shaun Evaristo to To the Moon by Miguel. I am definitely a fan of Sasha, but Alexander could go and I wouldn’t shed a tear. He really let them down. The swag was pretty terrible. It was too gentle. Too ballet. Sasha did what she could, but this was not a good routine for this stage in the competition. To be fair, it was cute… but the choreographer let them down a bit. It was too simple, especially when you compare it to NappyTabs great routines last night. Buh Bye mister Evaristo. Your SYTYCD career is over. Carmen loved Sasha’s hard poppin’. It was strained praise though. Mary got booed. So did Skeletor. He said it was Hip Hop 101. Travis was polite, but still critical.

Jordan Casanova & Tadd Gadduang (Waltz)

Song: “Nocturne” – Secret Garden
Choreographer: Toni Redpath

First off… I have to bitch. This is the second ballroom number these two have had. It’s pretty obvious Nigel is trying to sabotage them. I hope the kill Toni Redpath’s smooth waltz just to spite him. Jordan is the evil siren and Tadd is the wayward and doomed sailor. The stage is set. The smoke machines have done their job. Secret Garden’s Nocturne starts and I kinda love it. I’m a sucker for a well-done waltz. Love the twirling of the girl’s dress. Jordan looked stunning too. She nailed the character. Tadd was very dapper and actually delivered a good rise and dall… oh yeah… because it’s the second time they’ve done this. If you want to knock them off Nigel, give them a Tyce Diorio broadway number. Bravo Jordan and Tadd. Bravo. Mary liked it, but talked too much. Skeletor tried to show off by rattling off terms. Travis thought it was beautiful, but wanted more. Carmen felt it. Good contribution.

Clarice Ordaz & Jess LeProtto (Contemporary)

Song: “Light Through the Branches” – Celeste Lear
Choreographer: Justin Giles

Disclaimer: I really dislike Jess. I don’t know why. He needs to go. I will try not to let that cloud my critique, They are taking on a hard-hitting contemporary piece by Justin Giles. It’s another couple fighting it out. Is that all contemporary is? Love and tragedy? Anyways, they’re dancing to Celeste Lear’s Light Through the Branches and it’s actually pretty good. Damn it. The beginning was a little blah, but it picked up into an interesting fusion of hip hop and contemporary. I liked the style. There were a lot of sharp movements and freeze frames. They definitely had some good timing. Clarice really got to show off how good she is at lifting her leg above her head. Dan’s pretty good at that too. Travis said it was their best work to date. Skeletor talked with his hands. Carmen felt it. Another good contribution. Mary praised their growth.

Ashley Rich & Chris Koehl (Salsa)

Song: “Mambo Beat” – Tito Puente
Choreographer: Liz Lira

Uh oh. They didn’t do very well last week and could be in trouble again this week with a salsa. I actually thought Ashley’s solo was the weakest and she should’ve been sent packing. Chris’ was amazing. Can they redeem their spotty record with this salsa to Tito Puente’s Mambo Beat? Um…. No. Oh dear. Some of their tricks were good, Ashley really gave it a good go, but Chris couldn’t get his hips moving. There really wasn’t much to write home about. There were even some awkward transitions… and if my untrained eye can spot them, you know it’s not good. Travis loved the lifts, but left it there. Carmen didn’t feel it. She’s on a role. Mary didn’t think it was hot. Nigel shimmied. I cringed.

Ryan Ramizez & Ricky Jaime (Jazz)

Song: “Fashion” – David Bowie
Choreographer: Chucky Klampow

It’s another jazz number by another newbie choreographer to SYTYCD. Zombies and fashion. Love the concept, but was meh about the song choice… never really been a fan of David Bowie and Fashion didn’t have enough punch for my liking. They did some great spinny things and really got to show off their training, but I didn’t feel the need to rewind. My favourite part of the whole routine was Ricky’s jacket. The way that pink horse hair trip spun, flipped, and splayed was superb. I guess He gets some credit for making it move. Hold on. I just watched it again and liked it more. The movements were cool… I just needed to pay more attention. Will America? Carmen LOVED it. Mary was praising their quirkiness and character commitment. Skeletor said some shit. I ignored it. Travis said they killed it. Nigel then tried to compare it to RammaLamma… no. Sorry. Not even close.

Caitlynn Lawson & Mitchell Kelly (Contemporary)

Song: “To Love You More” – Celine Dion
Choreographer: Mandy Moore

Wrapping up the night are two dancers quickly climbing my list of faves. And to top it off… Celine Dion! All I need are a couple violin notes from To Love You More and I’m sold. What I loved about the routine was how athletic it was without looking overly athletic. The leaps were huge, the catches and lifts were amazing. Rewind! I watched it three times. So effortless. I think this is one of Mandy’s best contemporary pieces. It reminded me of some of the awesome stuff Stacey Tookey does. Lots of jumps, throws, and catches. When the cameras panned to the panel, they were all on their feet. Standing ovation! Mary’s in tears. It was her favourite routine of the night. Mitchell and Caitlynn are crying too. My roommate Geoff wants me to make fun of all the crying, but I like it! Gorgeous routine. Skeletor waxed on and on and on. Travis dropped a “gurl you’re crazy!” to Caitlynn. Carmen wrapped it up with making it unanimous. Best. Performance. Of. The. Night.

Top 7 Girls (Jazz)

Song: “My Discarded Men” – Eartha Kitt feat. Bronski Beat
Choreographer: Ray Leeper

To finish off the show, the top 7 girls took to the stage in a Ray Leeper jazz number. They’re out to rid the world of evil men. They start out in a sexy as hell chorus line and basically kicked the shit out of it. Loved My Discarded Men by Eartha Kitt and Bronski Beat too. I’ve seen many better group routines over the years, but this was a fun way to close out the show. I gotta get me some of those garter belts. Hot. When it was over, choreographer Ray Leeper was TOTALLY doing a pearl clutch. Love it.

Bottom three couples:

  • Sasha and Alexander
  • Ashley and Chris
  • Jordan and Tadd (I don’t think they deserve it, but two ballrooms…)

My nomination for routine of the night actually goes to Melanie and Marko. That final Mandy Moore contemporary piece was great, but we’ve seen it all before. This jazz number was more fresh and brought something new.

The male and female dancers leaving the competition this week:

If it were up to me Ashley would go home for the girls for last week’s solo alone and Alexander should go home for the boys.