Last night on SYTYCD the top 12 performers took to the stage, vying for a coveted spot in the top ten! This is the final week of the couples dancing together (before everyone gets split up and paired with a new partner), and thankfully the final week of the judges making the decisions of who stays and who packs their bags. Once again, Kevin has ditched me this week, which could turn out to be a blessing as you’ll all be getting the truth about the show instead of just fluff and happiness!
Instead of trimming the show down to one hour, and packing it full of great dances from each couple, the producers decided to keep the two hour time slot and force each couple to showcase two unique routines. Although this would typically excite me, I hope the producers look back at the routines and realize it was a mistake. Clearly the level of dancing and paired styling fell extremely short. But I don’t want to give two much away before I rant!
The first couple to the stage was Melissa and Ade.
Melissa & Ade – Disco
Dance 1: Disco (to Move On Up by Destination). Overall, what a nightmare. Definitely a bad way to open the show. Ade’s costume was absolutely ridiculous and it distracted me the entire time, and the mess at the end of the routine when Melissa fell/Ade dropped her, wasn’t handled smoothly. The only saving grace of this routine was the many lifts, and even then the transitions into them were so bleh that I’m over this genre. Somehow, for an unknown reason to me, the verdict: one Mary scream!!
Melissa & Ade – Waltz
Dance 2: Waltz (to A Natural Woman by Mary J Blige). First, what a terrible card to pull from the hat! Disco and Waltz? Really!? I would have slapped Cat Deeley into confusion, and grabbed another card. Surprisingly, the dance itself was quite pretty to watch, and Ade held his frame very well; however, I just didn’t feel the energy from either dancer this week. I’m routing for both of these dancers to stay in the competition, but after these performances, I have a feeling they will be in trouble.
The second couple to the stage was Kayla and Kupono.
Kayla & Kupono – Contemporary
Dance 1: Contemporary with Mia Michaels (to Gravity by Sara Bareilles). Goosebumps already. Nothing compares to a beautiful girl (Kayla) dancing stellar choreography (Mia) with a homosexual for a partner (Kupono). Amazing before it even started, and the song choice was incredible. I watched this routine four times back-to-back and each time it got better and better. Sadly, for Kupono, I didn’t really notice him as Kayla truly owned this number, being the drug addict trying to kick her drug (played by Kupono). Brilliant story and brilliant dancing. What ruined it for me? Nigel, opening his mouth and saying he wished he had seen more of Kayla’s face. Honestly, shut up. Or talk to the choreographer about the hair and make-up styling they chose. I get really upset when judges hate on contestants (this goes for all reality TV shows) for things that are clearly out of their control. The verdict: one DAN scream!!! Take that Mary – I’ve got my own ranking system now!
Kayla & Kupono – Broadway
Dance 2: Broadway (to A Dance at the Gym – West Side Story). This dance was so mediocre to me that I actually want to forget about it all together. Remember the first dance they did? Contemporary with Mia Michaels. It was amazing. I know right?! Seriously, amaze-balls even. Ab-so-lute-ly brilliant. Forget about Broadway, just remember the Contemporary routine.
The third couple to take to the stage was Caitlin and Jason (my heart beats faster just typing these names).
Caitlin & Jason – Fox Trot
Dance 1: Fox Trot (to Minnie the Moocher by Big Bad Voodo Daddy). This dance depressed me. The costumes upset me, the dancing was weak and I felt terrible that my favourite couple pulled this dance. Once again, in some miraculous far away land, the judges loved this routine to the point of all three giving a standing ovation! WTF?! I was in such shock I didn’t even register whether or not Mary screamed but I think it’s safe to assume the verdict was: one Mary scream!
Editor’s Note: It was at this point of the night where Mary and Tyce got into a snapping competition, and naturally, the gay man beat out the old-dance-maid-tranny-mess. Sorry Mary, I love ya!
Caitlin & Jason – Lyrical Jazz
Dance 2: Jazz (to Show Me Heaven by Maria McKee). Thank GOODNESS they finally chose a style that was truly set to showcase their natural lines and abilities. Jason was shirtless, so the night was already a success, and I felt this was their best dance so far this season. I actually said outloud to the TV, “This is how a woman and a man should dance together.” Sadly, I wasn’t sitting alone when I started speaking aloud to myself. Dang. I’m genuinely sad to see this particular partnership split next week; however, I am interested to see how these two peeps dance with other people.
The fourth couple to take to the stage was Jeanine and Philip (still in shock from their bottom three results last week).
Jeanine & Phillip – Russian Folk
Dance 1: Authentic Russian Folk Dance (to Kalinka by Barynka). What. A. Mistake. Thankfully, for the first time in history, Nigel said something intelligent in admitting this dance should have never been showcased, as there just wasn’t enough substance in comparison to other styles. What a mess the whole thing was, and when the routine finally ended it was evident on both Philip and Jeanine’s faces that they were both thinking, “Thank god this is f*cking over…” I couldn’t have agreed more, unbelievably, with Nigel, and was so happy for this dance to be over and forgotten.
Jeanine & Phillip – Jive
Dance 2: Jive (to Stuff Like That There by Bette Midler). Seriously?! Russian Folk and Jive?! What another shite card in the good ol’ hat of doom! Philip must have taken a step back and thought, dang, they really want me to fail! The routine itself was light-years better than the Russian Folk number; however, it still wasn’t up to the level of dancing we should be expecting at this point in the competition. The best part of this routine was Philip’s blue pants. Dang, that boy looked good. For some unknown reason that I wasn’t paying attention to, Mary somehow felt the verdict should be: one Mary scream!!
The fifth couple to take to the stage was Randi and Evan.
Randi & Evan – Hip Hop
Dance 1: A Nappy-Tabs Hip Hop routine (to Halo by Beyonce). One word: awkward. It was like watching two mid-west American kids dancing their first Hip Hop routine in their stuffy preppy outfits. Wait, was that the theme of the dance? No. Apparently the theme was a man proposing to a girl after he knocked her up. WHHHAAA?? What a weird message to be sending out, especially when considering the core audience of 14-year-old girls watching the show. Sadly girls, this isn’t reality. The dude’s gonna bolt. Also, too bad Randi’s already hitched or I may have actually bought this theme.
Randi & Evan – Samba
Dance 2: Samba (to Ritmo De Bom Bom by Jababa). The dance started off strong, with one of the best ‘openers’ to a dance I saw of the night. Too bad Evan’s leopard print/mesh ensemble wrecked the whole routine by distracting everyone’s attention away from the dancing. Or maybe this was a blessing? I’m not sure. Overall, the routine was pretty entertaining, and I’m happy that the judges agreed. The verdict: one Mary scream!!
The final couple to take to the stage was Janette and Brandon.
Janette & Brandon – Argentine Tango
Dance 1: Argentine Tango (to Libertango by Forever Tango). I REALLY wasn’t impressed by this dance, especially when compared to previous seasons (aka. when Pasha knocked it out of the park), but for some out-of-this-world reason the judges loved it. Again, I’m left shaking my head wondering what the dinosaur judging gallery is watching?! The notes I wrote down for this number: Is it possible to snap your cooch by over stretching your legs? If so, Janette is broken! Yowsers, but honestly, she’s broken. The random verdict: THREE effing Mary screams and a ride on the Hot Tomale Train!!
Janette & Brandon – Jazz
Dance 2: Jazz with Wade Robson (to Ruby Blue by Roisin Murphy). Lucky bitches. I would give Kevin away to dance a Wade Robson routine. This was THE best dance of the night (closely rivaled by Mia Michael’s routine). It was a new-age mod style, mixed with an interesting story line and brilliant character dancing. Amazing, and what all young dancers should strive for. Mary used the term, “spontaneous combustion” with absolutely no reference to anything, but I liked it, so I wrote it down. Dunno. Side note: the red gloves in the routine were stupid hot. Love love love them. The awesome verdict: one Mary scream!!
The recap of the night, starting with the bottom three couples:
Randi and Evan: The two dances just weren’t strong enough, even with a Nappy-Tabs Hip Hop, which should have been their golden ticket to the top ten
Melissa and Ade: Unfortunately due to their insane bad luck in drawing Disco and Waltz
Jeanine and Philip: The Russian Folk Dance was enough to kill anyone voting for them
The girl leaving the competition: Randi
The guy leaving the competition: Evan
The number of effing Mary screams in yet another OVERDOSED episode: EIGHT! And a ride on the Hot Tomale Train?! Wow, really loses its luster when she screams for everyone…
The number of rockstar, most-important Dan screams: ONE! That’s right. ONE. Covet that.