Hey peeps. It’s Rich. Dan is away this week. Where? I don’t know. He’s always been a bit of an enigma… or is that enema? Don’t tell him I wrote that… he’ll totally cut me out of the Mario Kart parties.

Recap WARNING. I’m grumpy… I may lash out at Nigel because I loathe his lecherous ways and I’m still reeling from the loss of Ashley and Alex due to injury. That AND I just found out too amazing friends who I love to bits are getting a divorce. Ugh. 2010 has not been a good year for relationships in my life and those around me. Oh… and the West End of Vancouver is CRAWLING with bridge and tunnel hooligans. I hate fireworks nights. Come on SYTYCD… cheer this grumpy ginger up!!!

Oh shit. There’s only five dancers in the opening and WHAT IS CAT WEARING?! Billy is missing and Cat is wearing chiffon curtains. WTF is going on. They’re dropping like flies! Billy Bell has injured his knee. It doesn’t sound as serious as the last two, but he is not going to perform tonight. He’s in the bottom three automatically. At least it wasn’t Lauren! Guest judge Kenny Ortega is here by the way.

LAUREN FRODERMAN

First up is Lauren. She got a Tabitha and Napoleon hip hop routine with Twitch. Come on Girl! Bring it! It’s some sort of western theme. She’s the last girl standing and has to fight! They dance to My Chick Bad by Nicki Minaj. Still grumpy. I didn’t love the choreography, Twitch looked ridiculous in the tacky (literally and figuratively) chaps, and the song was gimmicky. BUT, Lauren was pretty good for what she was given to work with. I think she actually worked the routine better than Twitch. She definitely has a hip hop heiny. Adam thought she was hot, Mia thought she went hard and sexy, Kenny thought she was powerful, and Nigel said she was “nasty buck”. Meh.

JOSE RUIZ

Now it’s Jose’s turn. He’s dancing with Allison in a Sonya Tayeh contemporary piece. It’s a love story… with a breakup. UGH. I hope Sonya and Allison’s amazingness is not wasted on Jose. They dance to the theme from Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind by Jon Brion. They danced most of the routine right on the edge of the stage. Interesting. Risky. Meh. Not my favourite Sonya piece. Allison was gorgeous as always and Jose, thankfully, didn’t have to dance that much. I say average. But will the judges gush over their golden boy? They actually thought it was tough to critique because there wasn’t enough dancing. Mia thought Jose was too “pedestrian contemporary”.

ROBERT ROLDAN

Robert is up third with all-star Lauren. They’ve got a Tyce Diorio jazz number. It’s all about seduction. Looks dirty. I think I’m gonna like this one. They’re looking sexy in black dancing to Wasted Time by My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult. It was hot, but it could’ve been hotter. I’ve seen much sexier pieces on the Canadian edition. It felt a little like “jazz by numbers” to me. Gawd… I am hard to please tonight! The judges were pleasant, but not jumping up and down. Nigel perved on Lauren. Surprise surprise.

KENT BOYD

Kent picked Kathryn. Yay! I love both of them. Maybe this will snap me out of my gloom. They’re doing jazz with Sonya Tayeh. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. It’s all about being fun and accepting who you are as a person. Sonya wants Kent to embrace how wonderful of a dancer he is. They’re dancing to Tightrope by Janelle Monae and I love it! It’s fun, frisky, and full of awesome tricks. Those two are flipping around everywhere! Yay for Kent and Kathryn! It was infectious fun. I watched it twice… first one tonight! The judges liked it too.

ADECHIKE TORBERT

Adechike is doing a lyrical hip hop number with Comfort, choreographed by Tabitha and Napoleon. This could be trouble. Oh god… it’s another dramatic relationship number where one person needs to walk aways. What is up people! Where are my fucking happy endings?!?! At least the song, Fallin’ by Alicia Keys is good. It was actually a pretty good routine. I like the lyrical stuff. I have to admit though, it was pretty hard to take my eyes of Comfort… but Adechike worked it out. When the song hit the big chorus and the two hit the ground for some floor work, it really picked up. Definitely the performance of the night so far. I watched it twice. The judges loved it. Adechike was crying afterwards.

LAUREN FRODERMAN & ROBERT ROLDAN

Next up was Robert and Lauren with a Dmitry Chaplin Samba. He is so hot. It’s a beach party samba and Dmitry just did the girl part with Robert to show Lauren… I died. Yummers. They dance to Drummer Boy (SYTYCD Remix) by Debi Nova. It was a good effort with some good tricks. Lauren definitely knows how to work her hips, but Robert looked a bit awkward at times. If Mary was around she would’ve put them on the hot tamale caboose… not the full train. Mia disagreed with me. She thought Robert looked like a Samba dancer. Meh.

JOSE RUIZ & ADECHIKE TORBERT

Jose and Adechike got together for a Paso Doble with Dmitry Chaplin and Legacy. Say what? Boy on boy ballroom. Nigel is going to have a fit. I’m intrigued!!! This could be cool. It’s a matador duel! They dance to The Arrival/Rampage/Continued Existence by James Dooley. Love the capes, but they’re about half a beat out of synch with each other. Come on boys… make it work! Hmmm… I don’t know. It got better without the capes, but they still had some timing issues. It was good, but not great. I wanted more. The judges thought it was just ok too.

KENT BOYD

Obviously Billy’s out. So Kent is going to have to take on SYTYCD’s first ever Step routine with a sub. The number was choreographed by Chuck Maldonado. Steppin’ in for Billy is all-star Twitch. They hit it to Pro Nails (Rusko Remix) by Kid Sister. Ew. I hate it. It’s like awkward band geeks Krumping. Not good. Kent looks like a tiny little boy next to Twitch. It’s all wrong, but the judges seemed to like it. Meh. Fast forward.

So that’s it. Not the best night in SYTYCD history. Only a couple stand out routines and a lot of mediocre. I think Jose and Robert should end up in the bottom two with Billy with Jose going home. His time has come… he’s bringing down the routines.

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