We are back with another episode of SYTYCD and there are only four dancers left yet we are being forced to watch another two fucking hours of dancing. Pardon my French but are you kidding me?! There are only four people left to dance; how many routines can you possibly be forcing them to dance to fill TWO HOURS. Enough, Skeletor, enough. THIS ISN’T EVEN THE FINALE – THAT’S NEXT WEEK!
We’re left with Kent, Robert, AdeChike and Lauren. The only good news about tonight’s episode is that America is FINALLY going to be making the decisions instead of the nonsense (and lame) judges hand picking who they want to win. I would love to see the format of next season be America’s choice for the entire program, similar to American Idol.
Each dancer will be performing THREE times tonight. WHY?!
LAUREN, ROBERT, KENT & ADECHIKE
The show opened with a Tyce Diorio Broadway top four group routine, performed to The Crapshooter’s Dance from Guys & Dolls (50th Anniversary Cast Recording). Man was this a load of crap! I really can’t stand Broadway. I am just in a foul mood right off the bat due to the excessive length of tonight’s performance show. Ya’ll know we’re going to have to suffer through a mediocre Fox Trot or Cha Cha that will make you want to poke your eyes out. I was literally watching this piece and kept thinking to myself, ‘which one of these things is not like the other…which one of these things just doesn’t belong…”
On to the next routine! Lauren was up first with all-star Pasha to learn a Tango (UGH) from two choreographer’s whose names were so long there was no way in heck I was going to be able to type fast enough to include them. The piece was performed to Oblivion by Astor Piazzolla. While I was expecting this routine to be impressive simply due to Lauren and Pasha being the pair, I was constantly left waiting for the music to speed up and in turn the dance to truly begin. Slow Tango routines appear to be nearly impossible and completely horrendous to watch. Definitely not a great way to start the night…
Then in an AWFUL twist of production, we were forced to watch a series of nonsense filler to learn more about each of the contestants. SERIOUSLY America, simply shave half an hour off the show!
We are literally at the 30 minute mark and the second routine of the night is finally taking to the stage; AdeChike was paired with all-star Lauren to learn a Sean Cheesman Afro-Jazz routine. The piece was performed to the incredible beats of The Path by Ralph MacDonald. I really liked AdeChike’s top in this number. Woof. Of course Lauren was stellar in this piece, but I am still sitting here wondering how it is possible that AdeChike made it to this point while Billy Bell is sitting somewhere in the bleachers watching. Sigh, America, when will you learn? Definitely one of the routines from the night that I will be forgetting. Best part of the routine; Cat’s commenting on AdeChike’s top – heck yeah – and citing that Britney Spears would be proud of it! HA!
Up next on the stage was Robert joining all-star Anya taking on a Jonathan Roberts Viennese Waltz. The piece was performed to Lost by Anouk. YES! Finally an amazing song at least so I can at least manage to watch the routine! Wow. I pretty much ignored that entire routine as I realized I will be flying home next week during the finale and will have to wait to watch it until midnight. EFF! This show is ticking me off tonight. Sorry Robert, nice job, Skeletor thought you did well so I’ll leave the critic at that.
My boy Kent was next to the stage, and he is only one week from winning the entire competition! His first performance of the night was with all-star Courtney to take on the kiss-of-death disco routine. WHY IS THE NIGHT STARTING THIS WAY?! Has there been a disco routine in the past three seasons that anyone remembers? NO! Kent didn’t even know what decade this style came from, that’s how terrible this style is! Thankfully the piece was performed to the BRILLBALLS song, When Love Takes Over by David Guetta ft. Kelly Rowland. Yikes was this routine terrible. For once I think Kent was truly trumped by a style. He just didn’t get it and you could see it in almost every single step of the routine. Take this nonsense style out of the hat. The only good part of the routine was the spin with Courtney laid out across Kent’s shoulders. ONLY PART.
Side note: Did anyone else see Kent in his soccer shorts?! His jiggly bits!!
Lauren was back on the stage working with all-star Ade to perform a Sean Cheesman Jazz number for her final performance of the night. Lauren was playing the roll of a black widow spider in this piece. That’s right folks, a spider. The piece was danced to Hide U (John Creamer & Stephane K Remix) by Kosheen. Wow, this routine was FANTASTIC. Ade was epic. Lauren was flawless. The TUTTING insert was INSANE! And don’t even get me started with the reverse lift to back bend!!!!! WHAT?!? I loved this routine! Definitely worth watching more than once!!!
Up next was AdeChike to perform his final piece of the night. He was dancing with all-star Kathryn to perform a Desmond Richardson & Dwight Rohden piece. This to-be-epic number was performed to Fearless Love by Melissa Etheridge. Sadly, I didn’t feel the connection to the piece. I think this was a case of music gone wrong. If this would have been danced to a slow, heart-wrenching or haunting tune I feel it would have be mystifying. Instead, I was waiting for it to end so Kathryn could step away from her lame partner. Sorry AdeChike, you just weren’t up to par tonight.
Robert was third up paired with all-star Dominic to tackle a Tabitha & Napoleon Hip Hop routine. Playing miserable clowns, the piece was performed to Scars by Basement Jaxx ft. Kelis, Meleka & Chipmunk. EFF, before this piece even started it was automatically the creepiest concept to date. WHO LIKES CLOWNS?! The choreography was just okay (I think it had to do with the clown theme) and with Dominic looking a helluva lot like the Dark Knight Joker was too much for young children. Nigel wanted to put this routine in the touring show, so for everyone who has already bought tickets try to get a refund now!
The last routine of the night was left for my boy Kent to leave a last impression. He was partnered with all-star Neil to perform a Travis Wall Contemporary piece. HOLY EFF this piece is about to rock my world, I can just feel it. The number was performed to How It Ends by DeVotchKa. Can we say gay love romance coming to an end? (Oh wait, sorry, you have to watch the intro clip to understand the reference). Eff it. HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Nigel Lythgoe EAT YOUR WORDS DOUCHE! That was THE routine of the year and it had TWO men in the choreography! The plot combined with the caliber of dancers to perform this piece was absolutely incredible. For once I listened to Skeletor’s critic and of course he made no reference to male-with-male dancing. Naturally, a beautiful homo-erotic piece shown to mass America and by the sounds of it, THEY LIKED IT! WHHHAAAA?!?
What a way to end the night. Mia was in tears. Adam was in tears. Kent and Neil looked absolutely incredible. What a way to end the season. I’m taking that as Travis Wall’s F U right back at Nigel for his slander earlier in the season. Thank you Travis, thank you.
After the performances tonight, if I get my wish it will be AdeChike leaving the competition tonight placing Lauren, Robert and my boy Kent in the finale next week.