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Previously on Survivor, the Heroes kept their winning streak going as the Villains fought over who should sit out of challenges. Coach acted generally douchey throughout the whole thing and Sandra was able to turn Russell against the Dragon Slayer. Mercifully, we won’t have to hear from Coach again until the finale. He became the first member of the jury. Who will go tonight? When will the merge happen? Will the Heroes continue to fall for the fake all-girl Villain alliance?

We start this week at Camp Decepticon. The Villains return from Tribal Council and Sandra is thrilled. Jerri is floored and panicked she’s next. Danielle assures her that Jerri is ok and Danielle will never write her name down. Oooh… Danielle’s now making side deals. Russell is not as in control of this tribe as he thinks he is.

When Tree Mail arrives, we learn that the next challenge will be the one where people have to prop themselves up between two walls and suffer on tiny pegs. JT beat Coach when they did this one in Tocantins. The difference this time is that the tribes have to rank each other from weakest to strongest and compete against their counterpart. Russell says he’s the strongest, but also the heaviest. Jerri thinks they should compete with all five women because they’re lighter and have smaller feet. Interesting strategy. Wasn’t it Courtney who won an endurance/balancing immunity challenge in China? And besides, Jerri says the Hero men will all want to labelled as the strongest.

Sure enough at Camp Autobot, Rupert is all about saying he will be the best… ummm dude… don’t you have a broken toe? JT counters that Rupert should be the weakest because this challenge handicaps bigger people. JT is thinking like Jerri. The girls should be ranked higher.

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At the challenge, Jeff asks the Heroes what they think about Coach being gone. Rupert says it’s obvious that the women’s alliance is very strong. As for the challenge, the tribes have to score three points to win. To get a point, the castaways have to last longer than their counterpart from the other tribe. The winners get a feast from Outback Steakhouse. Russell is sitting out for the Villains. The matchups are Sandra vs Rupert (oooh good Pearl Islands rivalry), Jerri vs Colby (love it), Parvati vs JT (go Parvati!), Courtney vs Amanda (China connection), and Danielle vs Candice (why are these two on this season again?).

During the challenge, Jeff announces that this day marks the 100th day Amanda has been played Survivor. Holy Shit. Too bad she chokes at final tribals! After ten minutes, everyone is still in it. They move down to a smaller foothold. And then dumbass JT mouths to Russell, “hang in there”. Russell puts his hands together like he’s praying. Oh Jesus. JT is gonna fall for this all-girl alliance and right into a trap that he created himself. And then we’re gonna have to listen to Russell brag. Argh.

After twenty minutes they move down to the smallest foothold. Everyone is still in it. But not for long! Colby drops out first! Jerri gets her revenge! LOLs. Then Rupert starts to struggle. Jerri tells Sandra to hang on and says, “you’ve popped out some babies, this ain’t nothing.” Love it. And the, with sweat pouring down his scraggly beard… Rupert falls. Sandra makes it 2-0 for the Decepticons. Then it’s Amanda’s time to start struggling. She’s effed. Courtney doesn’t even look like she’s trying. Amanda falls! The Villains get back on the winning side!

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At the feast, the Villains celebrate with margaritas and delish food. When they sit down for salad, Parvati squeals about how exciting it is to use a napkin. As she opens it, she spots the CLUE to the hidden immunity idol. Like the smart, sneaky, and sexy girl she is… she hides it before anyone can see it. She stuffs it in her underwear. Well played. That’s how a true player plays this game. She shows it to Danielle, her closest ally other than Russell. She tells us she wants Danielle loyal to her over Russell. Danielle then stuffs the clue in her boobs and they decide they will fill Russell in on a need to know basis. But right now, “Russell doesn’t need to know”. You go girls.

At Camp Autobot, JT says he has a plan that will guarantee them final five… as long as they win the next immunity challenge and merge. JT wants to give Russell his HIDDEN IMMUNITY IDOL during the immunity challenge. OMFG. Are you insane?!?!?! He wants to sneak it to him with a message to vote out Parvati. Oh dear. This may be the downfall of the Heroes. Way to go JT. Amanda talks some sense to the camera and says they have no idea what is going on. Russell could be in with the girls for all they know. Let’s hope people listen to her. Candice on the other hand likes the plan because she just wants to get the idol out of JT’s hands.

Back at Camp Decepticon, Danielle and Parvati go idol hunting behind Russell’s back and they find it! It took them like four seconds. Parvati is super stoked because it gives her control of the game. I love her. She’s totally ok accepting Russell’s hidden immunity idol and now she’s not even going to tell him about this one. In her own words:

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“I’m not going to tell Russell about the idol right now. I want Russell to be out of the loop for a little bit. I don’t see anything wrong with making him wait. I really don’t. It doesn’t mean I don’t trust him. It’s just… I kinda want to see him squirm a little bit. It’s fun. It’s not all Russell running the show around here. He’s not the King of Survivor. I’m the Queen. Giggle. And usually, the King does what the Queen says… so I’m cool.”

From brilliant Parvati to dumbass JT.

At Camp Autobot, JT writes his little note to Russell. It says:

“Russell, this is a huge turning point in this game. This is not fake. I wouldn’t waste your time or mine. Just by competing against you and the few handshakes we’ve had I feel like I can trust you. That’s hard to find in this game. Hopefully we are on the same page. Play the idol tonight to save yourself. All the girls should be writing your name down, so act like you know you’re going home… stand up and play the idol when Jeff starts reading the votes. I think you should write Parvati’s name down and send her home. We will most likely merge at 10 people and then you’ll be completely safe with us. Our five plus you will remain strong until the girls are done with. We can then work on getting ourselves to the final 3. Hopefully I can trust you and you’re not truly a villain. Lets do this together. See you soon. Destroy this right when you finish reading!”

Too effing funny.

At the challenge, both tribes have to collect puzzle pieces through an obstacle course and then assemble a totem pole. Sandra sits out for the Villains. When Colby and Russell are the only two left to run the course, Colby quietly asks him if he’s the one going home. Russell says yes. Colby then tells him he has to go to JT after the challenge is over so he can get “something” to help him stay in the game. OMFG. They are actually doing it. Russell asks who he should get rid of. Colby tells him Parvati. Russell agrees and tells Colby that Parvati is the one running the show. Snake. This is too crazy. The Heroes win easily and Russell makes a beeline for JT. The handoff is done. Wow. This is Survivor HISTORY.

Despite the fact that the top of the note said, “Read in COMPLETE privacy”, Russell shows it to Parvati back at camp and they howl with laughter. Parvati reads it out loud in her best mocking tone. Parvati is beside herself with laughter. She wants to know why anyone would give a villain like Russell your heart so he can stab it a million times and then hand it to her so she can it! True story Parv. True story.

Meanwhile, Courtney and Sandra conclude that one of them is gone and there’s not much they can do about it. They’re pretty much resigned to their fate. It looks like it’s going to be Courtney… but she’s not giving up. She tries to convince Parvati that Courtney will be a good ally because she can help her flip Amanda. Parvati promises Courtney she will do what she can, but the price is sticking with her all the way. But, Russell wants Courtney gone because she’s too likely to flip.

When Russell, Parvati, Jerri, and Danielle get a chance to talk, he shows them the idol and tells them the whole story. Wow. I never would’ve have guessed this four would become a super alliance. They debate Sandra vs Courtney for a while. Parvati makes a good sell that Courtney would be easier to control and beat than Sandra.

At Tribal Council, Coach shows up in a Kimono. Such a douche. Sandra admits that she’s in trouble because a lot of her alliance mates are gone. Courtney agrees that it’s one of them. Danielle says Sandra is also a threat because she can manipulate people. They squabble for a while. Pointlessly. Jeff asks Parvati if she is the boss. She says, “of course”… especially if you ask the Heroes because apparently she’s running an all-girls alliance. Then Courtney and Jerri squabble for a bit… Courtney totally smacks her around too.

With that, it’s time to vote. We see none of them. The votes are read. Courtney winks at Coach. She knows her time is up. Courtney is gone. Jerri got one vote. I’m gonna miss Courtney’s lip. Jeff finishes by letting us know that tomorrow marks Parvati’s 100th day playing Survivor. Wow.

Next week … the merge!