19 survivors remain (insert Probst spiel no. 1). Who will be voted out next? (insert Probst spiel no. 2) Cue Survivor music with dramatic tribal drums and begin episode. After Marisa got the heave ho, we continue the action the next day back at the Foa Foa camp. There to greet us is a scantily clad boxer-wearing Mick wading in the water. Memo to Mark Burnett, begin every episode with pimpin’ out the slabs of beef- your ratings will only increase.
After slow-mo’ing through Mick and all his PG nakedness glory, villain-in-the-making Russell H boasts his Machiavellian ways during his confessional. Betsy better start packing her bags or do some major ass kissing because Russell’s got an arrow with her name on it. During last week’s premiere, Russell made several one-on-one alliances with practically half of his tribe. This week he started with the other half. First on his list was Jaison. Out of all his alliances, this is actually one I think he’ll stick to. Why? Once Russell found the hidden immunity idol, he decided to share his discovery with his new alliance member.
Wait, hidden immunity idol? That’s right! Russell found the immunity idol sans any clue. Hate on him all you like BUT you have to give the dude credit for taking the initiative to search for it. When asked why he was looking up the bark of a tree at camp, he openly stated to his tribemates what he was looking for. His dumb ass team mates quickly dismisses his words and don”t take him seriously. STUPID MOVE PEOPLE. STUPID MOVE. Meanwhile back at Galu, we get our first treat at meeting Yasmin. Hailing from Detroit, the city girl doesn’t waste anytime hating on the outdoors. In her words, “the hood is not the wood”. You know setting the tone for Yasmin’s in-your-face attitude is going to pay dividends later on- you gotta love foreshadowing.
After the break, the survivors face a physical challenge. Probsty informs the castaways that they’re playing for both reward and immunity. The winning team scores a wicked basket full of fishing gear and a secret that will be revealed later- and the anticipation builds. Monica is forced to sit out of the challenge for Galo to even out the numbers. First team to score three baskets takes the glory and a free pass from tribal council. A lot of body bumping ensues between the tribes and Foa Foa is the first to score with Liz’s basket. My curly haired boyfriend John from Galo immediately ties up the game with an even more impressive shot (haha are you sick of my John loving yet). With the game all tied up, things quickly get heated and the physical action gets so rough that Jeff has to step in. He warns them that there will be zero-tolerance for any further cheap shots which head butting, choking, tripping etc…
After getting a scolding from Papa Probst, we see Mick take out John with some titillating roughhousing. Am I wrong for getting turned on by this? Something about seeing two grown men’s muddied bodies and sexual facial expressions brings joy to a homo man’s heart. Taking a break from my sex dream, Ben takes a cheap shot and trips Russell Swan from Galo. And faster than you can say “Samoa”, Ben gets disqualified for the first time ever on a Survivor challenge. Eventually the game resumes and Erik and Laura score, earning both reward and immunity for Galo.
Post challenge, Jeff asks Ben how he feels about earning the distinction of being the first ever to be eliminated for illegal play. The cocky asswipe spews something about crying over spilled milk and calls himself an outlaw. At this point, Ben is coming off more of a villain then Russell H is. Meanwhile, the other Russell picks Yasmin from his tribe to join Foa Foa during the day and at tribal as part of the reward win.
Before the tribes head off to their separate camps, Jeff instructs Mike (Foa Foa) to see medic before continuing. During the hard hitting challenge, Mike got bumped around more than a pinball during an earthquake. Upon medic checking him out, Mike is forced out of the game due to his poor health. The dude could barely stand and breathe. With 5 days under their belt, Foa Foa is already down two members and they still have to vote someone out later at tribal.
Drunk with power or maybe Kool-Aid, Yasmin doesn’t waste anytime “winning” people over at Foa Foa camp with her charming personality. She instructs them all to gather around her while she proceeds to tell them that defeating them is a cake walk and like taking candy from a baby. She’s obviously in HR, right? She offers to give them “assistance” and share her all-knowing wisdom. It felt like I was watching a tacky DVD infomercial at 4:30am on a public access station. And If you act now you get a complementary tongue lashing.
Whether Ben wanted a verbal beatdown himself, he got one when Sassy Yazzy took him aside to reprimand him for his actions during the challenge. Being an outlaw, Ben obviously fought back and traded schoolyard barbs. He called her “ghetto trash, plain and simple” and told her to go “eat ketchup sandwiches and drink Kool-Aid”. I believe he even called her a hooker. LMAO. Ya’ll know how much I love the word HOOKER. Trying to capitalize on Ben’s disqualification and his outburst with Yasmin, Betsy starts campaigning hardcore to flip the switch and vote out Ben. Having already dug her grave by pissing off Russell H, Betsy is voted out unanimously. Now down 3 less members from Galo, I just don’t see Foa Foa turning this around. Do you think Galo will Pagong Foa Foa come merge time? Or will Galo start to implode since they have toxic Yasmin living within their midst?