Survivor Samoa Episode 1: “The Dumb Ass Girl Alliance”

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Another tropical location and another blue shirt on Jeff Probst. Last night, the 19th installment of Survivor got underway and it didn’t take long for the drama, assumptions and backstabbing to start. The two tribes, Galo (purple) and Foa Foa (yellow) make their way to the beach. Immediately Probst instructs them to write down the person on their tribe that would make the best leader. Armed with a big black felt marker and piece of parchment, the castaways do their best to not only pick the right person but also look for the best way to describe them. Some used this exercise to start kissing ass with terms like “good looking”, “handsome version of…” and other empty complimentary verbiage.

Once the leaders are picked, they have to pick four players from their team to play for the reward challenge who best fit the following descriptions: best swimmer; strongest; most agile; and smartest. Russell (Galo) picks John, Erik, Yasmin and Shambo for his team while Mick (Fao Fao) picks Jaison, Russell, Marisa and Liz for his. For a second I thought we were back at the race season (Survivor: Cook Islands) with all the stereotyping going on. Immediately assumptions are made that tall black men can’t swim and asian ladies are smart. Luckily for Foa Foa, the black man can’t swim theory doesn’t hold as Jaison was a champion water polo player during his college years. After a grueling challenge, Foa Foa wins the challenge and score flint for their tribe. Yippee, FIRE.

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Back at camp the wheeling and dealing already begins. Stocky Russell (Foa Foa), who’s being touted by CBS as the biggest villain ever, firmly establishes his evil intent within the first few minutes of his confessional. He immediately makes single alliances with the three young women on his tribe. He refers to Ashely as the short-haired dumb blonde, to Natalie as the even dumber long-haired blonde girl and the dark-haired girl, Marisa. He lovingly refers to this as the “dumb ass girl alliance”. BEST.ALLIANCE.NAME.EVER. Russell also tries to align himself with the older lady, Betsy who as a police officer becomes apprehensive and already senses Russell is up to no good. Guuuurl, whether it’s woman’s intuition or your cop training making the calls, your senses would be correct. During their first night at camp, Russell makes up a sob story about losing his dog during Hurricane Katrina, empties all the water canteens and burns some of his tribes clothing in the fire. WOAH. What a douce. Though I will say, after watching 18 seasons of Survivor, it’s refreshing to see someone come in with a strategy we’ve never seen before. Personally I think it’s all an act and he’s just trying to become the reality version of J.R. Ewing from Dallas. Both are oil tycoons, back stab and have evil machinations. Is it wrong that I kinda like Russell?

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Click on the picture above to view the Survivor:Samoa Season 19 Gallery.

Meanwhile at the other camp, the Galo boys play the my “cock is bigger than your cock” game and jostle for alpha male status. My pre-season fave (ie. crush) John so far hasn’t being edited kindly and already has his tribemates like Shambo dissing him. Sadly, like most of my Survivor crushes, I fear he might leave early and might even be booted first with the way things are going. Side note, when you don’t perform well during the challenges, when you get back to camp keep your mouth shut and just prove you’re a hard worker. NO ONE likes a know-it-all. And PS. why in the world did you keep your wear your jeans during the swimming challenge? (This isn’t me trying to see his package, though I wouldn’t mind). When denim gets wet it gets super heavy and restricts your mobility. For a rocket scientist, you would’ve thought he’d have better smarts then. Oh well, at least he’s pretty – is that a rocket in your pocket?

After the commercial break, we get to our first immunity challenge. Like most immunity challenges on the first episode this one is an extremely physical one. Tribes have to scale three huge ramps then drag a big box full of puzzle pieces to the platform where four tribemates try to solve the puzzle. Galo immediately jumps off to an early lead and never lets go it and wins the first immunity challenge sending the already cocky Foa Foa to tribal council.

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Back at the Foa Foa camp, they come to an early consensus to boot short-haired dumb girl (Ashley) first. That is until Marisa opens her big mouth and expresses her concerns and slight distrust of Russell to…get this, RUSSELL. How stupid can you be? Of course Russell realizing he already has dissension within one of his alliances, decides to throw her under the bus and goes on a campaign to cut his losses. Fast forward to tribal council where Jeff does his ritual spiel about fire representing life. blah blah blah. Seriously, at this point they can have a robot conducting this portion of the show and give overworked Probsty a breather. After a few heated exchanges on whether Marisa or Ashley is the weaker link, Marisa is the first to be banished from the island with a 7-3 vote. No real loss on my part. Vote could have gone either way and wouldn’t have mattered to me- the silly young girls are totally interchangeable at this point of the game. ‘Til next time.

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  • Adam

    For all your touting of your survivor crush on John, you failed to mention him during the immunity challenge in his underwear!!!

  • umm. that’s a private moment between me and my reality-tv-online-psuedo-boyfriend. haha. Yes you’re right. totally forgot about that. thx for the reminder to screen cap that.

  • Candzz

    ohh 😛 my current crush is John too! wowww…..oh which immunity challenge?