Maybe I have a one-track mind, but most things people say to me sound dirty. Here are my top ten from the past week:

10. “Oh my god – it’s tiny” – me talking about a bottle of diet pills.

9. “Get your boyfriend off my back” – my friend was harrassing me about something and that’s what I said to his boyfriend.

8. “I may need some help getting it up” – someone asked me to spot them at the gym.

7. “How do you like my pickle” -referring to a pickle band-aid.

6. “We need smaller balls” – talking about dog toys.

5. “It’s a little difficult to get it out at the end” – I don’t remember the context of this one  but it’s still good!

4. “I didn’t clean the backend because I was too lazy” – my friend dave was talking about his barbecue and balcony.

3. “You’d better not sink into a hole while I’m gone” – Patrick giving me a lecture about my moods…

2. “It’s hard and not getting any smaller” – Patrick referring a bump on his nose.

1. “Don’t you hate it when you find one that tastes good, and then you’re like – damn, which one did I put in my mouth?!” – my friend Dave was eating Jelly Bellys.