Yes I knew this was coming up as soon as RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race started. Yes I was looking forward to it the absolute most, and yes I was so incredibly disappointed with the outcome of the episode. I’m going to tell you why in a BIG paragraph rant at the end but first let’s review what happened shall we?
Back in the workroom it was Rujubee and Shad left. Probably the most unsurprising final teams anyone could’ve imagined but my girls were still there so I was happy. Ru came onto the TV screen and it was all superhero talk. Yes girl I started salivating. She LOVES her superheroes and her comic books (SIDENOTE – I’ll be started a new column on Homorazzi about all that real soon), and I couldn’t wait to see what they were going to turn out. First though it was mini challenge time, BASKETBALL. While I totally don’t know what this has to do with drag I’m not going to lie, I loved it. It was hysterical. Rujubee dominated the court and won the mini challenge. Their prize? Phone calls home.
Back in the workroom it was time for the main challenge, SHEROES AND VILLAINS! Each team had to be a hero and a villain and the winning team would be immortalized in a real life comic book. I squealed! The teams had to come up with backstory, powers, outfits everything for their super powered challenge. HONESTLY, I could’ve taken this with my eyes closed and mouth sewn shut. LIVING for this challenge, until I started to hear the stories they started coming up with. They were ridiculous.
Chad Michaels was FIRECROTCH, a super hero who was going to rejuvinate vaginas, and Shannel was LACTATIA the evil villain who could thwart the plans with her lactating tits? Stupid. It wasn’t even funny, it was desperate. Juju and Raven were a little better but even still. They had a much better backstory but the powers were a bit ridiculous. Something about coming to earth and only surviving because Jujubee got the power of a tan and Raven was albino? Whomp. Whomp.
Ok rant part one – I get it. You guys want to be funny but this is a challenge that you could’ve done so much with. You could’ve done anything and came up with a really creative backstory, but instead we got pussy tightening and fake tans. On the runway they had to show their civilian wear and then their superhero wear. Shannel’s was ridiculous, she looked like a blow up bondage doll, and Chad just seemed a little too tacky for me. Raven was very sleek as a villain but for me Jujubee was the best personification of a superhero and I’m going to tell you why. They wanted COMIC BOOK, not cartoon. In today’s books the looks is tight, sleek and sexy. Was she missing accessories? Absolutely, a power belt would’ve been perfect but the hair was on point, the outfit was on point. She was a modern day superhero.
The team that lost this week would be lip syncing for their life against each other and that team was no surprise to me; Rujubee. Chad and Shannel won again because RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars was essentially created to have Chad Michaels win. Oh yes HUN-TY I said it. Want to know my theory? Here goes. We all know that Chad Michaels was slated to win RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4, that’s who everyone in charge wanted to win. I give props to Chad for being in the business for 20 years, yes he’s done amazing things in his career but I’m sorry, he has not been the star everyone wants him to be. He’s kind of dull on camera, he’s too full of himself, when he plays bitchy it comes off as phony and honestly if he quotes the Hunger Games one more time…I’m going to throw my television out the window. However, the fans wanted Sharon Needles to win (DESERVEDLY) and if Ru chose Chad there would’ve been the BIGGEST backlash. So now we have All Stars. It’s not hard to see, it’s actually quite obvious if you really pay attention. Chad and Shannel have not been the best in the challenges this season and yet they always win. Chad’s lipsync against Mimi wasn’t better, and even everyone saying “I’m so terrified of Chad he’s SO good”…um why? I’m sorry, fiercer queens have gone home MUCH sooner (Nina Flowers) and they are all light years cooler. Even the guest judges saying Chad deserves this…did you even know who he was before the show started Jillian Hervey? Probably not.
Back to the review, Jujubee and Raven had to lip sync against each other in one of the most emotional battles of the series. When it was time to reveal who would leave, RuPaul saved them both. Predictable. I totally saw it coming when she was taking forever with her decision.
So now we have a final four. Raven, Jujubee, Chad Michaels and Shannel. Two deserve to be there, two don’t really. Two are personable and humble, young and fun. Two aren’t. RuPaul has asked America once again to help her choose the winner and for the love of god this crown needs to go to RAVEN or JUJUBEE. They are truly the two best stars to come out of this franchise. SO VOTE! VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE for them. Tweet Rupaul or put it on her Facebook.
But mark my words, you will probably be seeing Chad Michaels as the first Hall of Famer, and only because he’s known RuPaul the longest.
PS – In the Untucked, how shady was it of Chad to say that he could’ve represented RuPaul better than Sharon Needles? Sharon is everywhere. Out 100, PETA ads, civic ceremonies and it’s because she was different and she appealed to the younger audience. Sharon was the deserved winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4, the fans already spoke on that.
Don’t forget to follow me on twitter @TommyD. One more week of RuPaul’s All-Star Drag Race… tell me what you think.
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