We All Know It Hurts Yet We Still Do It
Filed under: Behind The Cast, Redd
Author: Redd
Date: Jul 2, 2009
What do you say I’m talking about? I’m talking about impossible situations in love. It is human nature to want things we can’t have and unfortunately that carries over to our love lives. I have been single for the past 2 years because I decided I no longer want to settle. I want to find “the one” I want to be with and not settle for someone that will do “for now”. If I hadn’t learned anything from my past relationships I would think they were a waste of time but each relationship helped me learn a little bit more about myself and what kind of a boyfriend I was and can be.
My last relationship ended amicably but my love life in turn became tumultuous. It all started with a friend that was in a rocky relationship whose boyfriend was having an affair. Long story short….we ended up having an affair at the same time his bf was having an affair. Yes it didn’t justify either affairs but we’re only human. So you can imagine how things ended since I am still single.
The next ordeal comes in the form of a Spanish man living in Barcelona who I met online and eventually in person on one of my trips to LA. I find myself in Barcelona visiting him for 2 weeks. Although I knew this wasn’t going to be a good idea since I knew I would fall for him even more….I went anyway. My rational at that time was that life is too short. Either way it was going to hurt so I might as well have give it a go. The trip was amazing and we got along famously but alas…reality bites and it bites hard.
The third was the classic case of falling for your best friend. We all know how that ends specially when the feelings are not reciprocated so let’s just leave it at that. This is my downfall…I give too much and dive in too soon. I am a romantic. I fall in love too fast.
The last and most recent one, yet again, I find myself in a similar situation with Barcelona, except this time it’s with Germany. Last month I met Germany on a trip to Orlando and we hit it off and have been talking since. “Germany” used to live in New York up until the last year where he has been living in Los Angeles. So no matter where he ends up if I dive into this…it will be an long distance relationship which I don’t think I really want because I know how challenging those can be but, finding someone you connect with on so many levels is rare. What do I do now? I know how things can potentially end yet I find myself in the same situation again.
What would you do? Have you been in a similar situation? Is there something wrong with me? Do I subconsciouly put myself in these situations because in reality I have commitment issues? Maybe Vancouver is an undateable city? I remember telling my last boyfriend that if I wasn’t dating him, I wouldn’t be dating anyone in this city. We all know fire burns but many us never learn and still touch it.
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- Tags: finding love, monogamous, relationships
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Harlequin
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 am
I know exactly what you mean! I rarely find a spark in someone, and when I do, I’m hit with this oncoming wave that knocks me off my feet. The only problem is it usually ends up being someone in a relationship, or someone who lives outside the country. The last one I like to call ‘The Doctor’, who turned out to be from California (Only a 24 hour drive away, but I’m a busy man!).
I would rather be solitary than just ‘pass’ time with someone. I think too many people are afraid to be alone, so they scoop up the first person they meet.
Or it could just be Vancouver. :P (I live elsewhere, but whenever I come to Van, I’m surprised at how small the world really is, how easy people get sucked into the vancouver ‘lifestyle’, and how many people have been/slept with eachother. It’s like a merry-go-round!)
Brett
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
The use of the word ‘we’ in the title and article makes me a little uneasy. I do know several people who make bad decisions in regards to who they decide to devote their time and energy to, but I do not think flying across oceans to visit men you’ll likely never see again is typical behavior. And you seem to be pretty away that the choices you have made are not working out for you, so I doubt it’s a subconscious thing either.
Of course we are not really in control of the people we meet in our lives, so it’s not your fault if you haven’t met “The One” yet, and I obviously that is something that we all want. That being said, if you know that you often find yourself in less than ideal situations and continually ‘fall in love too fast’ with these men who are clearly not right, I don’t know what to tell you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not sure what to make of this article. Are you looking for sympathy? Trying to find people who relate? I’m hoping you wrote it down in hopes that coming to these realizations will help you make better choices in the future. My advice is to leave ‘Germany’ alone, unless he is planning on visiting you here.
The Vancouver community is far from undateable. It’s perhaps a bit cliquey, but there’s no way you’ve met every eligible gay bachelor in the city. Get out there and go new places – you’ll find him eventually. And when you do, try not to mention your awful taste in men, he might be insulted!
Brett
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:30 pm
The use of the word ‘we’ in the title and article makes me a little uneasy. I do know several people who make bad decisions in regards to who they decide to devote their time and energy to, but I do not think flying across oceans to visit men you’ll likely never see again is typical behavior. Perhaps 3ways and affairs are more likely in the gay world, or perhaps gays just use that as an excuse to not keep their dick in their pants.
And you seem to be pretty aware that the choices you have made are not working out for you, so I doubt it’s a subconscious thing either.
Of course we are not really in control of the people we meet in our lives, so it’s not your fault if you haven’t met “The One” yet, and I obviously that is something that we all want. That being said, if you know that you often find yourself in less than ideal situations and continually ‘fall in love too fast’ with these men who are clearly not right, I don’t know what to tell you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not sure what to make of this article. Are you looking for sympathy? Trying to find people who relate? I’m hoping you wrote it down in hopes that coming to these realizations will help you make better choices in the future. My advice is to leave ‘Germany’ alone, unless he is planning on visiting you here.
The Vancouver community is far from undateable. It’s perhaps a bit cliquey, but there’s no way you’ve met every eligible gay bachelor in the city. Get out there and go new places – you’ll find him eventually. And when you do, try not to mention your awful taste in men, he might be insulted!
Redd
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Thanks for your comments Harlequin & Brett. My intention when I wrote this article wasn’t for sympathy. Sometimes we need to hear things we already know to fully realize the gravity of the situation. And with your comments I actually realized that you are right….it is not subconscious cause I am aware of what I am doing. I try to take as much from the comments our readers like you leave and take them in a constructive way. So thank you :)
Charlie
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 am
I don’t think you’re asking for sympathy at all. I understand when you say you don’t want to settle or just hang out with someone to pass the time with. Vancouver isn’t an undateable city, it’s just that as you get older, you discover yourself, you know what you want and are content with being single and unfortunately, you keep your guard up b/c you don’t want to get hurt. If someone can’t provide the effort that you deserve, then why should you have to change? And thus, making it more difficult to fine the ‘one’.
Redd
July 6th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Thank you Charlie :)