I’ve died, cried, grown, loved, lost, became, invented, and reinvented a lot in the 5 years I’ve been in my relationship and been married. And maybe we’ve been a lucky two, and grown together into people that can still look each other in the eye and say “I love you” and mean it, but throughout all the perennial changes, I’ve learned something that I don’t hear a lot of echoed in relationships around me, wondering if I’m so different.
Now firstly, I’m not the relationship guru, and I don’t attempt to blanket effect the whole of humanity through my experiences (although I’m still damn well trying to invent that invention). I’m just the guru of MY relationship. Besides, how else are we to relate to the world except through individual seasoning (even if mine’s pretty salty).
So here’s my salt:
I have no fear in my relationship. In my life involving my husband. I have no fear he will leave me or find another, and I have no fear I could find mine. I’m not fearful of being with him for the next 45 years and dieing together soaking each other’s dentures. I’m not fearful he will stay faithful to me for the rest of my life, or find that another’s passion will fulfill him. All the things that include love, that include sex, passion, desire, emotion, in all of these things, fear is not a factor. (Quick, say crack again….crack).
I see so much jealousy and covetousness in the dating world. As far as I’m concerned, this should dissipate over the amount of time that trust is proved and instilled in each other, but I often wonder if the battery in some’s trust clock died. I’ve gotten in trouble so many times for saying a word too many, for looking a little too long, for touching on the wrong part of the shoulder in the midst of another’s significant other, that I continue to be baffled by what these people are so fearful about? Are they to look me in the eyes and fall instantaneously in love? (I’m only medium cute). Are they to feel the touch of another and instantly want the touch all over? (I’ve never been good at massages).
The point is not me though, it could be anyone. I understand. And I know some could be doing such actions with BAD intentions at heart, but isn’t it innocent until proven guilty? Or is it sometimes just, touch, look, speak, GUILTY, CLUTCH-HOLD-FEAR?
I know this: I know that my husband is my best friend above all else, and would never do anything to INTENTIONALLY hurt me, but do other’s think the same? Anything he does to my feelings is done without malice, so I trust that any decision he makes will not be a purposeful stab in the back, but only a kink in human nature at the very worst, which all of us ARE and WILL BE guilty for. I don’t ask for perfection.
I also know that if we stay together, it’s meant to be. If we don’t stay together, it’s also meant to be. My relationship does not solely define me as a person, and so without it, in the long run, I will still be whole. We have always been honest about the fact that we cannot predict the future, and are not self centered enough to presume that our futures automatically involve each other, but if they do, universal bonus. No pressure. No. Fear.
I know that I love my husband times a million, and that my explanation for my relationship gets lost in an aloof translation quite often, when really the fact is that I have no fear of what the future holds, period, except that I currently share my life with somebody exceptional that I trust and treasure and know that apart we are whole and together we are wholly successful. I’ve experienced heartbreak and infidelity, and although this may just be the definition of MY relationship, I know that I can’t relate to the jealous insecurities I see so often. I hope that next time I hug your boyfriend goodbye, you could understand that in my experience, with a little more trust, and a little less ego, selfish fear could dissipate and quite possibly give your relationship a different kind of blossom, and maybe one that won’t hurt your face from giving me such an oppressive stink eye.
Submitted by: Nic O.
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