Hmmmm what to fix…
Well, I’m sure if you polled my friends you’d get one or two immediate responses to that one but, I suppose resolutions are suppose to be more about my own goals and less about the ideals of others. I think the expected answers from anyone who knows me (or hell has read more than a couple of my articles), would likely include a least a few of the following: too loud (annoying), too honest (crass), too skinny (not muscled enough), too… open-minded? Okay, there’s really no reasonable euphemism for slut ;) Still, this day is about what we don’t like with ourselves or want to change so let’s start to look inwards shall we. Well, there’s always things I want to change about my life: the singledom, the lack of owning a four-bedroom penthouse suite downtown ha, being just shy of 5″11… but again, not really “resolutions” per se are they. Though I do suppose that not wanting to wander aimlessly from awful first date to awful grindr meet up is something that can be vaguely controlled by who I am and how I act.
Recently, I’d been told by a good friend that I need to: “Be the man I want to be with”, but, as I informed him, gaining 60 pounds of muscle, 4 inches of height and a PhD in Neurosurgery isn’t really a reasonable set of goals for me to be able to find that my own Dr. McSteamy so that motto kind of fell to the wayside. Then, last night, I was reminded by my sweet friend Jonny that I’m pretty awesome how I am and that my great group of friends knew who I was when they met me and that if that’s who they “fell for” then, then I shouldn’t need to change now.
So, in that respect, I’ve decided to say F U to New Year’s resolutions and say that I’m damn happy with who I am. Having been on this site since the inception nearly two years ago, I’ve certainly undergone more than my share of slings and arrows about my opinions in articles and about my personal life as well; I say bring it on. As much as I’ve caused my closest friends’ eyes to roll right out of their heads on numerous occasions (Patrick might have to get surgery for that soon enough ha), I’m pretty proud to say that by and large, every decision I’ve made and act I’ve performed is something I stand behind and would do again in a heartbeat. Making that bawdy joke, passing along that tid bit of interesting gossip, kissing that hunky guy… all of it are decisions I made knowing who I am and who I want to be and I personally think that’s a-okay.
Of course I make mistakes with the best of em- hell, I could set a couple records. But, as long as I don’t act against what I believe in, I think that’s a pretty good way of leading a genuine life. Though most already know, I’m finishing my masters in a counselling psych program and one of those most important things we learn to be as therapists is to be genuine with both ourselves and with those we interact with because without it there can’t be trust or continuity. My friend Colby always razes me on this point saying that I need to censure more or hold back because “being genuine” isn’t an excuse for being a jerk, but I say if I’m willing to let someone call me out on my transgressions then it’s fair game to expect the same for them.
No one is perfect- the whole concept is an abstract of Utopia which as we all know just becomes less real the closer you look at it- so therefore why try to be? “Bettering” yourself is a great idea that I think most people strive for everyday and of course I hope to be a bit “better” of a person with each passing sun down, but still I don’t feel the need to declare something wrong with myself I need to change for 2011. If I really didn’t like something about who I was, I would hope that I would have learned to “fix” that years ago… turning 28 in a week I do hope I’ve at least entered into a phase where I’m now just fine-tuning the man I am. Returning to my constant stressor, the singledom… I’ve been told countless times that: “If I just changed this” or “Acted a little more like this” that a guy would “give me a chance”… to that I say once again F U :) The guy I end up falling for and who I hope will fall for me will accept my “torrid” past, my lack of boring tact, my love of TV, my passion for vodka soda… whatever I’ve been told is holding me back is who I am and the right guy will see that and I shouldn’t have to change to “trick” anyone into anything. So, bring it on 2011! I can’t wait.