Homorazzi’s Fashion Police Trinity is back. This time Redd, Tommy & Donovan take on the outfits seen on the MTV Video Music Awards red carpet- by far the most irreverent carpet of them all. Hope you enjoy our playful and biting critiques.
MVA’s Big Winners: Beyonce & Taylor Swift
Redd: I do like this outfit on Beyonce, it does show a lot of skin in the front without appearing to be too indecent. It’s also less theatrical than her usual getups… maybe this one isn’t from the House of Dereon. A classic one shoulder sheath dress would have been the appropriate choice for Taylor, but it ages and makes her look like she’s well into her 30′s. Although a little color and youth would have been a better choice.
Donovan: You called that one correctly Redd, this isn’t another fashion monstrosity from the House of
Crap Dereon. Beyonce looks smoking hot in this red hot Cavalli minidress- it accentuates all her best assets. “Ring The Alarm” for sure. Not only did she look Sasha Fierce in this plunging outfit, but the girl was even hotter during her “Single Ladies” performance! Out of context, Taylor Swift’s dress does look a tad Hollywood wife-ish but when you consider the fact she arrived to the awards on a horse drawn carriage a la Cinderella, it all fits. Loved her modern take on a classic fairy tale. Beyonce even played her fairy godmother when she brought Swift on stage to redo her speech. Taylor was definitely the evening’s princess.
Tommy: Beyonce Beyonce Beyonce…I think Beyonce’s favourite thing in the world is double sided tape for real. Every deep V she wear, her tits are ALWAYS safely secured, and always perfectly displayed. I will say that I am SO happy she stopped letting mama dress her. And Taylor, wel funny thing is I have actually grown to like this girl. I still HATE Love Song, but I think this girl is so cute. I love her first dress more than the red one she ended in.
Yummy Man Candy: Chace Crawford & Taylor Lautner
Redd: There is no doubt that Chace Crawford is hot, hot, hot! But man! Do something with that hair… the “Abercrombie I just woke up after naked wrestling with my soccer buds” hair needs to go. Polish it up a little bit… specially with a suit. Now Taylor should have given Chace a few lessons when it comes to his look. This Calvin Klein suit was a great choice in charcoal with a slight sheen to it. The black shirt with no tie offset the shininess of the suit and really put the whole look together. Perfectly coiffed hair tops it all off! It feels so wrong to find Taylor so attractive but I’ll go with it anyway.
Donovan: I never thought I’d find someone hotter than Chace, but Taylor you’ve done it. I feel a little pedo for saying that but you can’t deny Taylor looks extremely handsome in his black on black attire. Chace is relying too much on his pretty face to pull everything together. A nice slicked parted to the side do would’ve perfected Chace’s look. Call me Chace. I’ll be your stylist for free- as long as I get to pick and fit your underwear as well. ;)
Tommy: I really don’t get what is with the sloppy thing lately. I mean Chace has to do something with that hair, and would it kill you to wear a tie? Same thing with Taylor, although I will say that he I am way more on Team Taylor than Team Robert is Robert keeps dressing like a fool. Taylor looks sharp and he is growing up to be a very hunky young man. Woof!
Latinas From The Block: Jennifer Lopez & Nelly Furtado
Redd: Jennifer Lopez said that she loves sexy, feminine & unique looks for the red carpet, but this one failed to deliver that. It looks like she’s still trying to hide her baby weight with a non-form fitting dress that we’re so used to seeing her in (think back on that emerald green Versace dress with that plunging neckline that went past her navel). And what’s with that metallic shrug? Maybe covering up her dinner lady arms? Classic black for Nelly Furtado… I don’t mind this dress but besides the jeweled neckline, there’s nothing else interesting about this dress. The pockets also just add to her already wide set hips. Note to self Nelly: Avoid pockets on next dress choice.
Donovan: Both ladies disappoint here. J.Lo bring back the glamor you owned during your hey day. This mini cut-out Louis Vuitton does you no favors. Furtado, you look like a dead bedazzled crow in this getup: You like a bird. Just because a dress has pockets, it doesn’t mean you have to use them.
Tommy: Jenny Lo! I ACTUALLY don’t mind this, I REALLY don’t! Is it the best thing she ever wore, far from, is it the worst, not really. I think it’s interesting. I really like the cross cross shrug she has. I will say that her “throw back” to the bronx was lamesauce. Get over it.
Nelly’s face is flaweless, but the outfit is a bit Victorian goes football player gets attacked by glitter. boo.
One Name Singers: Pink & Shakira
Redd: I would have had a cow if I had showed up at the VMAs wearing the same dress as some other Celebrity but both songstresses had a sense of humor about it and posed for a picture together. This leather studded Balmain dress looks like something Angelina Jolie would wear back in ’07. Although neither celebs looked horrible, I think we should leave leather dresses to the only woman who can pull them off – Angelina.
Donovan: I would’ve had more than a cow if some hooch showed up in the same dress. I would’ve cut her and then cut my stylist. I love the fact the two ladies posed for a photo op later in the evening to embrace the gaffe rather than be embarrassed by it. Who wore it better? I say “She-Wolf” Shakira did. I personally love the hooker boots more than the classic black pumps Pink sports.
Tommy: THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME! I was at a bar one night, and turned around and someone was wearing the same shirt as I was. It was a pretty distinct shirt so that’s why it was a bit of a shocker. You can freak out about it, or you can laugh it off and take pictures together and pretend your’e in a girl group. Laugh it off, shit happens. I hope the designer or stylist gives them a whole bunch of free clothes. Faux-pas, but funny.
R&B Divas: Alicia Keys & Keri Hilson
Redd: I like the retro-inspired simple black dress Alicia picked out. Although her accessories are a little overdone. The earrings should have been pendant instead of hoops to offset all the circles on her dress and elongate her neck. The shoes are also way too busy for an already busy pattern on her dress… the better choice for footwear would have been a solid colored Laboutin pump which would have shown more of the front of her foot creating a cleaner and longer silhouette for her legs. Keri Hilson really has nothing memorable about her. She’s like a Ciara wannabe but just doesn’t have enough of an edge to really make her mark in the industry. Just like her career, this dress just doesn’t have much going for it besides the plunging neckline. It looks like something MJ would have worn back in the 80′s. The earrings also are just way too much for this whole look…. everything is just too top heavy.
Donovan: I think Alicia looks absolutely adorable in this sequined Dolce & Gabbana dress. I agree with Redd that she overdid it with the accessories. She’s holding more jewelry than a rack at Claires. Keri, you “Knock Me Down”. I actually don’t mind the Charlotte Ronson jumpsuit. It’s the VMAs so I applaud anyone who takes a fashion risk. It’s fresh, young and sexy- exactly what the network embodies.
Tommy: I love Alicia Keys, shes SO pretty. I also like her one big earring thing she’s got going on. The dress is alright. I don’t know who Keri Hilson is but that looks like a Geroge Michael jumpsuit. Double sided tape again…
Half Asian R&B Divas: Cassie & Amerie
Redd: I love Cassie and think she’s very beautiful but I don’t understand this dress. It looks like the left side of it ran out of fabric and the shoes are just all wrong. Her look is already edgy and less busier outfit would have made her stand out more. I don’t mind Amerie‘s choice but it just lacked bold accessories which would have made this outfit better. Large acrylic bangles in black would have been a good way to accessorize this plain dress or throw on a wide Dolce & Gabbana corset belt.
Donovan: I totally disagree with Redd here. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cassie’s dress and especially those huge diamond cuffs gracing her wrists. I do, however, agree that those shoes and purse don’t complement her dress and along with her newly shaved haircut, it’s all a bit too much. Oh Amerie, I want to like this but you look a little plain. Pretty, but plain. A belt would’ve been nice to break up the bold color or some big jewelry.
The Hills & Laguna Beach Frenemies: Lauren Conrad & Kristin Cavallari
Redd: The Hills’ Lauren & Kristin looked really good last night and made some wise choices for the red carpet. I love Lauren’s choice with this Diane von Furstenberg dress and Jimmy Choo heels. The dress is just short enough to show off her killer legs without looking trashy. Kristin looked great in this silver tube dress and slingback heels. The only thing I didn’t like about it was her hair… it should have been blown out and large curls on the ends to make it more playful and soft to offset the hardness of her dress and makeup.
Donovan: The two outfits couldn’t have matched each other’s personalities more. Lauren looks old-school glamour mixed in with the right amount of sex appeal. While Kristin is all rock-n-roll in this glittery tube dress. Redd called it correctly with his hair style suggestion. Big hair would’ve put Cavallari’s look over the edge to sizzling hot.
The City Frenemies: Whitney Port & Olivia Palermo
Redd: I like how Whitney takes fashion risks but didn’t really like this Christopher Kane dress she picked out. I do love the top part of it and the black sheer mesh but that flesh colored lining completely destroyed this look. I think a black lining that went down the length of the dress would have made this dress look more complete. In this instance, the black booties work because it offsets the sweet soft look of the dress giving it a more rockstar youthful edge to it. I’m not a big fan of cutouts and this particular dress with it’s saggy sleeves just makes Olivia look old. The belt just makes it worse making her look like a cougar. Animal prints are so D&G 2008, let’s give it a rest for a bit.
Donovan: Bite your tongue, Redd. I find Whitney to be absolute perfection in this look. Love the fact she took this much of a fashion risk- it’s so New York and California at the same time. I love how on a different person this outfit could look uber trashy and a trainwreck but on Miss Port, it’s edgy, classy, sexy and cute all at the same time. Olivia, too Upper East Side and not enough Greenwich Village or Soho. You have your thirties and forties to look fifty. Have some fashion fun while you can.
The Other Sister: Solange Knowles & Nicky Hilton
Redd: Solange really should stop wearing her mom’s designs which are clearly made for Beyonce’s stage performances. This piece is just too theatrical for the red carpet. What the eff is that across her shoulder? Wrong! wrong! wrong! Just like Beyonce’s less popular sister, Nicki really should take pointers from Paris. Yes, Paris has made some terrible fashion decisions but she’s also made some really good ones. The dress is cool but it is just too edgy for her and she’s not wearing enough accessories but make this look pop. A little too safe of a choice.
Donovan: What would being famous be without having a sibling who lives in your shadow. Incomplete if you ask me. Solange, what the eff is that thing on your shoulder. Is this from the House of
Crap Dereon? That shoulder strap looks like an military-styled ammunition belt. Are you going to “Tonya Harding” Beyonce later? Oh Nicky. Enough said.
Tommy: Solange looks a right fool! I completely agree with Redd here, her pale lipstick bugs me too. Love the new hair. Nicky looks alright, can’t go wrong with the LBD…
Hills Supporting Cast: Lo Bosworth & Holly Montag & Stephanie Pratt
Redd: I’m really not a big fan of these 3 Hills supporting cast. Lo looks like she should be spread across a table and used as a tablecloth. Just too matronly! I can’t stand Holly Montag cause she looks exactly like her very irritating and dumb-as-a-rock mother. Perhaps she should get some work done like Heidi to resemble less of their hillbilly mother. The fleshtone frocks they chose just wash them out specially with the bottle-blond hairdo’s. Stephanie Pratt looks like she should be in the cast of the Real Housewives of New York. She looks old and matronly with that puffy hair.
Donovan: Lo, sometimes I wished you would dress sexier and not cover up too much. You’re too pretty for that. All three of these look like they’re wearing Project Runway challenge outfits where the designers had only materials they found in a quaint French boutique hotel room. PS. When did Stephanie Pratt turn 40 and start having weekly collagen injections?
Tommy: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO STEPHANIE’S FACE? I CANT EVEN FOCUS ON ANYTHING ELSE! SHE LOOKS LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON…CRAZY!
Teen Show Actresses: Leighton Meester & Amanda Bynes
Redd: Leighton looks like a hooker. Is she trying to audition for the part of Julia Roberts for the remake of Pretty Woman? The boots are just bad! Too busy! Busy drag queen! I love Amanda Bynes and do love the simplicity of her black dress. Although again, it lacked accessories a belt or a bangle would have been a nice addition. She does look amazing though.
Donovan: I’m completely on the other fence with this one. I love Leighton’s look while hating Amanda’s. Meester looks like a modern day Jane Fonda in Barbarella complete with her sci-fi shoes. Amanda look is too much “TOO”. TOO blonde, TOO low, TOO short, TOO California. Amanda this outfit is the complete opposite of “What I Like About You”.
Tommy: I am living for Leighton’s shoes! They are FEROCIOUS! I always think a girl shoudl look like a hooker…so I love it! Amanda I love as well but again we see the LBD (Little Black Dress). She’s growing up well though!
Musical Felines: Cheetah Girls Adrianne Bailon & PCD Melody Thornton
Redd: Cheetah girls? The dress looks like a cheetah that contracted jaundice and pink eye! Everything about this outfit is just wrong down to the dark heavy ugg looking boots. Melody looks very old Hollywood glam and very classic from her gorgeous hair and makeup & her black form fitting dress. Very un-PCD of her! Both ladies far from “purrfect”.
Donovan: Adrianne you look like a neon cheetah. If that’s the look you were going for than congratulations. What makes the outfit even worse are those dark boots. When you’re this short you need to elongate and not truncate. Melody, this dress is on too tight on you for my liking. You look a saran wrapped cajun sausage- NO CALIENTE. Did Nicole dress you? I smell sabotage.
Models: Victoria Secrets’ Alessandra Ambrosio & ANTM’s Jade Cole
Redd: Alessandra can wear a potato sack and make it look good. I love the casualness of the outfit and it’s rock star elements. Perfectly accessorized without going overboard. Loving the peep toe booties. Jade is very pretty but this outfit looks like Bai Ling’s rejects, if she won’t even wear this monstrosity why would anyone?
Donovan: Alessandra, I love you and I love your shoes. Effing fierce. Not feeling the outfit but definitely feeling you. Jade you look like a tranny hooker. No offense to all the tranny hookers out there. I love to hate you on ANTM and I just plain hate this outfit. Way too trashy.
Tommy: THAT IS NOT THE BIRACIAL BUTTERFLY IS IT? OMG GET BACK INTO YOUR COCCOON YOU ARE NOT READY YET!!!
It Girls: Lady Gaga & Katy Perry
Redd: I don’t think Lady Gaga can do no wrong (at least in my eyes). Like Shakira said, she is the Grace Jones of our time. She’s super talented and overly eccentric. I love The Blonds and the amazing corsets and dresses they create. I love Katy Perry and I love that she takes risks with fashion and has fun with it. No matter what she wears, she owns it. That’s why it works!
Donovan: This Jean Paul Gaultier feathered black lace number is pretty tame for Lady Gaga’s standards. Having said that, only Gaga can pull of this look. She’s like a modern day Cher & Grace Jones who’s always trying to push the fashion envelope. Kudos to you. Katy Perry looks like she could’ve joined Beyonce onstage during her “Single Ladies” number in this sparkling The Blonds dress. She’s definitely HOT and not COLD with this sexy outfit.
Tommy: OK, I might get in trouble for this one but so be it. I love Lady Gaga, I love her talent, I think she’s the best performer out there, I love that she’s cooky, she was SO sweet when we hung out with her, BUT…I mean I don’t get it right now with her. It’s like shes trying SO HARD to be cooky and out there. It’s a fierce look, but now I feel like she feels she NEEDS to do it you know? Love her SO MUCH though, shes the best new talent to emerge in the past ten years…but maybe just I don’t know. Who cares really, shes so fierce! I have a new found love for Katy Perry, love her hair longer, lover her face, lover her body, lover that dress…she killed it!
Douchebags: Kanye West & Perez Hilton
Redd: I love how this douchebag accessorizes with a bottle of booze and a lady dressed up as a python. WTF?! I’ve completely lost respect for Kanye after that stunt he pulled last night. Classy Kanye just classy! Perez needs to throw up a bit more and get a total overhaul on his face! I guess the inside matches the outside both just as heinous!
Donovan: Don’t you love how both Kanye & Gaga have bleached-blonde huge boobies as their accessories. Can’t believe a drunken Kanye with his Hennessy is the least silliest looking here. Note to Perez: Don’t try to compete with Lady Gaga’s outlandish fashion persona, you’re completely out of your league. What’s up with the painted yellow hands and face? I know Asians are cool but what’s up that’s just going overboard with the faux yellow skin?
Tommy: I hate both of these retards. Love Amber’s necklace SO MUCH, but that’s about it. Like again, trying SO HARD to be cookie and weird and zany! Ain’t working.
Canadian Cuties: Fefe Dobson & Anjulie
Redd: Who the hell is Fefe? Anyway, I don’t mind this outfit… it’s neither revolting or show stopping. Anjulie, I love you and think you are very talented but please hire a stylist! It’s like a telly tubby explosion up in there!
Donovan: FeFe you look FabFab in this tartan inspired look. Hope this means you’re releasing a new album soon- I miss you. Love the straightened longer locks as well. Did you know Anjulie was auditioning to be Aja in the real-life remake of Jem and the Holograms? Well, that’s completely untrue but how else could you explain this explosion of neon complete with Synergy type earrings. What makes it even worse is that she’s holding a black clutch? If you’re going to go all out, GO ALL OUT.
Randoms: Maria Menounos & Rose Byrne
Redd: Who are these people? I guess they did get the mark right according to this website, “Short Prom Dresses are Hot in 2009″.
Donovan: Four words. Prom Dresses Age Inappropriate.