Marry, F*ck, Bitch Slap: St. Patrick’s Edition

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I thought I’d rotate up this Marry, F*ck, Bitch Slap post featuring a trio of hot Irish studs originally posted back in 2012. It was long before people were lusting over Jamie Dornan in Fifty Shades of Grey. #justsaying

With a long list of sexy men hailing from Ireland including Cillian Murphy, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Daniel Day-Lewis, Pierce Brosnan and Stuart Townsend to name a few, narrowing it down to just three proved very difficult. There’s something very attractive about that charming Irish rogue these men possess.

In the end, I chose Colin Farrell, Michael Fassbender and Jamie Dornan to represent the rolling hills of Ireland. I’m sure you won’t complain about my choices. They’re all sex symbols and worth lusting after. Get to know the men in more detail below.

You know how the game works. Pick one to marry and live in wedded bliss with, and another to have a hot passionate one night stand with, while the other is the subject of your bitch slapping. Happy choosing everyone.

Visual Aids

Colin Farrell (40)

I’m sure when you think of hot Irish actors, Colin Farrell is the first to come to mind. With his dark brooding looks, it was only natural he became one of Hollywood’s most desirable men. In 2003, he was named one of People’s “50 Most Beautiful People“. He first burst onto the scene with his career-making role in Tigerland in 2000. That role earned him critical praise and made him a hot commodity. His notable movie roles include, Minority Report, Phone Booth, Daredevil, A Home at the End of the World, Miami Vice, In Bruges and Horrible Bosses.

Michael Fassbender (39)

Sure, he’s only half Irish but that’s enough for me. Just in case you were wondering, the other half is German. Talk about one hot combination of heritages. Fassbender has been working for years, but it was his role as a sex-crazed New York businessman that had Hollywood talking. Even George Clooney commented about Fassbender’s “equipment” at a past Golden Globes. Before Shame, Michael appeared in Inglourious Basterds, Jonah Hex, X-Men: First Class and Prometheus. Recently, he earned an Oscar nod for his stunning work in Steve Jobs.

Jamie Dornan (34)

I’ve lusted after this former male model ever since I saw him dating Keira Knightly back in 2003. His ad campaigns for Calvin Klein, Dior, Aquascutum and Armani only furthered his hotness factor for me. Klein only uses the hottest men to show off his underwear line. Check out the one where Kate Moss is kissing his butt. YUMMERS. When I heard he landed a role on ABC’s Once Upon A Time, I was beyond excited that I would get to see him on a weekly basis. So you can only imagine my ire when producers killed off his character. I was half-tempted to start a campaign to get him back on the show… and shirtless. Wisely producers picked him for Fifty Shades of Grey. Sure, his acting wasn’t anything to write home about, but he looked fantastic. Fingers crossed for full-frontal in future installments. Check out more pictures of Dornan in one of my past Model Behavior features.


Marry: Jamie Dornan. He’s the epitome of my type. Dark brooding model looks. Plus he can work out both long and short hair.

F-ck: Michael Fassbender. Did you see “Shame”? If you said yes, then you know what Fassbender is packing and me likey. Those explicit sex scenes got me all worked up.

Bitch Slap: Colin Farrell. I’d bitch slap Farrell for one sole reason. So he can bitch slap me right back and then he can curse me out with his sexy thick Irish accent. I have no doubt that would lead to a hot steamy session of makeup sex. Plus, I saw his sex tape and Farrell loves eating out vajayjay. He’s very talented with that tongue of his. RAWR.

I’ve made my picks, now it’s your turn to chose. Tell me who you’d Marry, F-ck, and Bitch Slap below.

  • Slade

    Marry- Jamie
    Fuck- Colin
    Bitch Slap- Michael

  • Slade

    But nobody compares to Jonathan Rhys Myers! Just saying!!!!!!

  • Marry – Jamie (loved him as a model, loved him more on OUAT)
    Fuck – Colin (During the Filming of a Movie)
    Slap – Colin (In between films, when he’s drunk and looks homeless)
    Ignore – Michael Fassbender (I have no idea who this is)

  • Josh

    None of the above

  • None of the above. Stephen Farrelly is omnipotent.

  • clipherd

    Marry – Michael (Arguments would be easy once I looked into those deep blue eyes)
    Fuck – Jamie (Don’t know of him really, so why not hookup?)
    Bitch Slap – Colin (Just not my type really.)

  • Steve-O

    Marry – Jamie (so we can live happily ever after)
    Fuck – Michael (but the German half ja!)
    Bitch Clap – Colin (such a douhce)

  • KaironStar

    Marry Colin Farrell, fuck ALL

  • Michael

    Colin has also have some big assets down there if you remember that amazing xxx tape

  • Jordan

    – I would marry Michael Fassbender
    – I would fuck Jamie Dornan
    – I would bitch slap Colin Farrell

  • Russell

    I’d marry Colin – that work he’s doing with his brother against homophobia in Ireland puts him over the top
    You have to fuck Michael, just because it’s an option!

  • gogo

    I’ll fuck all three and then decide who to marry and who to slap.

  • Curtis

    Marry – Jamie Dornan
    Fuck – Colin Farell
    Bitch Slap – Michael Fassbender

  • Jessie

    M – Michael Fassbender.
    F – Colin Farell.
    BS – Jamie Dornan.

  • Mixen

    Marry – Colin
    Fuck – Jamie
    Bitch Slap – Michael

  • Mardie

    Marry – Michael Fassbender: I agree with you on “Shame,” also he played a really sexy Magneto. A man with a super power excites me! lol.

    Fuck – Colin Feral: Did you see his “sex tape”? I use “sex tape” loosely because of true/false rumors but imagination with a visual aid is a powerful thing!

    Bitch Slap – Jamie Dornan: Just a cute boy in the crowd of men. Seniority in the actor’s department is a little more sexy thanks to films the other two have done to keep some of my dirty-somewhat-romantic fantasy alive.

  • Doug

    Marry: Jamie Dornan
    Fuck: Michael Fassbender
    Slap: Colin Farrell

    Sorry, I don’t really see Colin’s appeal.

  • sean

    Marry: Dornan
    Fuck: Fassbender
    Slap: Colin

  • vorvon

    bitch slap dornan
    marry fassbender
    cum in farrell’s mouth after fucking it

  • Slade

    Marry-Jamie, Fuck-Michael, BSlap-Colin! You should have chose JR Meyers yummmmmm!

  • Martin

    Marry and F### Michael Fassbender, also F### Colin in a 3-some, but Kill Jaime, because he ruined 50 Shades of Grey… it sucked !!!

  • Conway

    Kill Jamie
    Fuck Colin
    Marry Fassbender

  • Brendan Moore

    Donovan nailed it. Marry Jamie, Fuck Michael, Bitch Slap (and be taken by) Colin. #perfection #threewishes #wheresthegenie

  • Justin

    Can someone please explain to me why the King in the North aka Prince Charming aka Richard Madden not on this list?!

  • JimmyJim

    Marry the handsome, sexy Jamie. Fuck the handsome, studly Fassbender. Bitch-slap Colin (sorry, dude, if it were JR Meyers, this would have been an easy kill).

  • Perie Wolford

    Marry Michael Fassbender, F*ck Jamie Dornan (Oh God), b*tch slap Collin Farrel 🙂

  • mtmslg

    Duh? Because yummy Mr. Madden is Scottish.

  • bannock-hou

    I’d M, F, BS all of them!

  • Robert

    Great answer! So would I… 😉

  • JimmyJim

    Marry Jamie
    Fuck Jamie
    Be Jamie’s bitch

  • macguffin54

    Agree, Colin is hot and kind of dirty-seeming, so fuck him, Michael seems like a smart, beautiful person inside (and out!), so marry him, and Jamie seems kind of douche-y (in a scummy, unappealing way, unlike Colin)–plus he lost all good will by starring in those ’50’ movies. AND he had the nerve not to go full-frontal.