“Magic Mike” finally opens up tomorrow, but I was lucky enough to check out a screening a couple of days early along with Matt. Be sure to check out his movie review tomorrow. Surprisingly, the movie wasn’t nearly the trainwreck I thought it was going to be. Thankfully, they didn’t delve too much into Channing Tatum’s heinous custom furniture creations. Sadly though, the love story was still annoying and could’ve been cut. Actress Cody Horn’s laugh is probably the most annoying and fakest I’ve seen in a long time.
With that said, “Magic Mike” is actually getting pretty decent reviews from major publications. Entertainment Weekly gave it an A-. WOW. While, I wouldn’t rate it that high, I would definitely give the men of “Magic Mike” a Prime Grade “A” Beef rating. As expected, Tatum and company didn’t disappoint when it came to showing off their abs, pecs and asses. Yup, there’s enough ass jiggling to make you all happy. Obviously, I was definitely horned up after the screening, which brings me to this post.
I thought I’d rank the men of “Magic Mike” based on their performance in the film. That’s right, the following rankings have nothing to do with who I think is the hottest in “normal” life. If that were the case, that gorgeous stud Matt Bomer would easily take the cake. Instead, it’s based on how they worked their assets on stage. Check out how these boys stack up against each other below.
6. Matthew McConaughey
There’s no denying Matthew has a banging body. And if this was during his “A Time To Kill” days, he’d definitely rank higher. His character came off a little too 80s Chippendales for me. The sexiest part of his routine is when he speaks in his signature Texan drawl. If you’ve seen the trailers, you know what I mean. The way he says “lawbreakers” gets me all hot and bothered.
5. Adam Rodriguez
I love me some Adam Rodriguez. He’s one spicy Latin beef. Not surprisingly, he wasn’t in the film too much, but when he was… YUM. He has abs for days. That said, there’s a part where he shakes his moneymaker and while hot (stationary), it was a little jelly-ish when it shook. Still, I would tap that if given an opportunity.
4. Matt Bomer
As mentioned earlier, if this was based on looks alone and not in the context of the movie, Bomer would be my ideal. He sorta was just there. His stage performances seemed a little stiff (and not in a good way). LOL. His hottest part occurred during a bedroom scene with Alex Pettyfer and two other ladies. I swear it was heading to a hot foursome, before it faded to black instead. Give me the director’s cut STAT.
3. Channing Tatum
The sight of his ass is worth admission alone. While I think Channing is hot, he’s not really my type… that is,until he does his whole white boy hip hop thing. Then all of a sudden, it’s “take me daddy“. The way he bumps and grinds the ground is frickin’ hot.
2. Alex Pettyfer
When Alex first popped up in “Beastly” and “I Am Number 4”, I didn’t understand the hoopla surrounding this British actor. After playing the innocent new stripper, consider me on the Pettyfer bandwagon. The boy is hot as shizz. My favorite scene of his involved Matthew McConaughey. During rehearsals, Matthew was teaching Alex how to seduce the ladies. There was ten seconds of the two writhing with each other that was super hot. Pettyfer practically bottomed for McConaughey on screen (and he enjoyed it).
1. Joe Manganiello
Joe didn’t have the best dance moves, nor many scenes that involved dialogue. So, why is he on top? Simple, he’s Big Dick Ritchie. Sure it was probably a prosthetic, but that silhouette of his huge schlong was hot. There’s also a scene where he’s pumping his penis that made Pettyfer take notice. The look on Alex’s face was priceless. I’d gladly stuff dollar bills down Joe’s thong any day.
As hot as this roster of men is, can you imagine if William Levy was in it. Reportedly, the Cuban actor was offered a role but turned it down. C’mon William, we’ve already seen your peen and ass all over the internet. Plus, we’ve seen you shake those sexy hips of yours on “Dancing With The Stars”. BOO for not taking the role. “Magic Mike” opens on June 29, 2012. It’s definitely worth it to see these boys on the big screen.