Ranking The “Magic Mike” Strippers, Who’s The Hottest?

Magic Mike” finally opens up tomorrow, but I was lucky enough to check out a screening a couple of days early along with Matt. Be sure to check out his movie review tomorrow. Surprisingly, the movie wasn’t nearly the trainwreck I thought it was going to be. Thankfully, they didn’t delve too much into Channing Tatum’s heinous custom furniture creations. Sadly though, the love story was still annoying and could’ve been cut. Actress Cody Horn’s laugh is probably the most annoying and fakest I’ve seen in a long time.

With that said, “Magic Mike” is actually getting pretty decent reviews from major publications. Entertainment Weekly gave it an A-. WOW. While, I wouldn’t rate it that high, I would definitely give the men of “Magic Mike” a Prime Grade “A” Beef rating. As expected, Tatum and company didn’t disappoint when it came to showing off their abs, pecs and asses. Yup, there’s enough ass jiggling to make you all happy. Obviously, I was definitely horned up after the screening, which brings me to this post.

I thought I’d rank the men of “Magic Mike” based on their performance in the film. That’s right, the following rankings have nothing to do with who I think is the hottest in “normal” life. If that were the case, that gorgeous stud Matt Bomer would easily take the cake. Instead, it’s based on how they worked their assets on stage. Check out how these boys stack up against each other below.

6. Matthew McConaughey

There’s no denying Matthew has a banging body. And if this was during his “A Time To Kill” days, he’d definitely rank higher. His character came off a little too 80s Chippendales for me. The sexiest part of his routine is when he speaks in his signature Texan drawl. If you’ve seen the trailers, you know what I mean. The way he says “lawbreakers” gets me all hot and bothered.

5. Adam Rodriguez

I love me some Adam Rodriguez. He’s one spicy Latin beef. Not surprisingly, he wasn’t in the film too much, but when he was… YUM. He has abs for days. That said, there’s a part where he shakes his moneymaker and while hot (stationary), it was a little jelly-ish when it shook. Still, I would tap that if given an opportunity.

4. Matt Bomer

As mentioned earlier, if this was based on looks alone and not in the context of the movie, Bomer would be my ideal. He sorta was just there. His stage performances seemed a little stiff (and not in a good way). LOL. His hottest part occurred during a bedroom scene with Alex Pettyfer and two other ladies. I swear it was heading to a hot foursome, before it faded to black instead. Give me the director’s cut STAT.

3. Channing Tatum

The sight of his ass is worth admission alone. While I think Channing is hot, he’s not really my type… that is,until he does his whole white boy hip hop thing. Then all of a sudden, it’s “take me daddy“. The way he bumps and grinds the ground is frickin’ hot.

2. Alex Pettyfer

When Alex first popped up in “Beastly” and “I Am Number 4”, I didn’t understand the hoopla surrounding this British actor. After playing the innocent new stripper, consider me on the Pettyfer bandwagon. The boy is hot as shizz. My favorite scene of his involved Matthew McConaughey. During rehearsals, Matthew was teaching Alex how to seduce the ladies. There was ten seconds of the two writhing with each other that was super hot. Pettyfer practically bottomed for McConaughey on screen (and he enjoyed it).

1. Joe Manganiello

Joe didn’t have the best dance moves, nor many scenes that involved dialogue. So, why is he on top? Simple, he’s Big Dick Ritchie. Sure it was probably a prosthetic, but that silhouette of his huge schlong was hot. There’s also a scene where he’s pumping his penis that made Pettyfer take notice. The look on Alex’s face was priceless. I’d gladly stuff dollar bills down Joe’s thong any day.

Which Magic Mike Stripper Do You Want A Lap Dance From?

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As hot as this roster of men is, can you imagine if William Levy was in it. Reportedly, the Cuban actor was offered a role but turned it down. C’mon William, we’ve already seen your peen and ass all over the internet. Plus, we’ve seen you shake those sexy hips of yours on “Dancing With The Stars”. BOO for not taking the role. “Magic Mike” opens on June 29, 2012. It’s definitely worth it to see these boys on the big screen.

  • Slade

    I still am confused on people’s fasination with Joe!! I think he is super ugly. SUPER SUPER SUPER!!! and not a fan of his work! Same goes for ALEX!!!! EWWW!

  • Eng

    Here is a real nude picture of Joe Manganiello hardinmyspeedos.tumblr.com/post/23236120267

  • rogelio

    this movie seems like it totally will suck. Other than the nearly naked hot guys don’t have any whatsoever story. The “story” is a piece of crap. Like you need to pay $8 bucks at the cinema to watch hot guys get naked, I’d rather go to a strip club, the point of this movie is just plan stupid.

  • slade

    6. Matthew
    5. Joe
    4. Alex
    3. Adam
    2. Matt
    1. Channing

  • Gogo

    I was obsessed with Joe until I heard him do a few interviews and he seems like a homophobic Neanderthal.

  • Eng

    Did you see the nude picture i posted? Is it really him?

  • David

    @Eng, I don’t believe that to be Joe but thanks for the pic though.

    As for the movie, I agree with Donovan. There just wasn’t any real story aside from the days and lives of struggling male dancers. The female lead has a heinous laugh that almost made me walk out the theatre. She should be locked in a zoo somewhere with the hyenas. All in all, the beefcake made the movie. It could’ve been better though.

  • JO

    Matthew McConaughey has the best bod, but sadly, meth face.

  • Jed

    @Gogo. You can’t be serious with that comment. Joe recently did an interview for a gay magazine, said how much he loved his gay fans, acknowledged he has a lot of gay fans, and how this film was made with them in mind. He also spoke at Human Rights Campaign for gay marriage.

  • Donny

    Alex Pettyfer is by far the hottest. No question. Bomer is beautiful but he is not sexy.

  • jis89

    Channing for sure! He is so hoooot and for the second I’ll gonna take Adam :3

  • Nam

    i can’t choose between Matt and Channing..sigh… LOL like i have a chance