Its your Gaga expert back for yet another review of the goddess we know as Lady Gaga. Up next, the much anticipated and long awaited music video for single number 2, Telephone ft. Beyonce. Here’s what I think about.
I LOVE IT…& I hate it.
I hear gasps all over the place I know. Why don’t I just flat out love it? Well the reason I love it, is also the reason I hate it. I’m starting to sound like a bonkers ancient chinese riddle I know but hear me out. This video’s epic-ness is the reason for both. I don’t know which I should explain first but here it goes. Telephone is arguably the best song on The Fame Monster right, and featuring Beyonce (who I consider is the black Gaga, and Gaga is the white Beyonce), this song is true pop perfection. Being constructed a bit differently than most pop songs, the listener doesn’t know why the song is so effin good, but they know it amazing, and that is why I hated the video. For the simple reason that the actual track was just cut up so much in the duration of the almost 10 minute long video. It’s not even a really bad reason but there it is. As opposed to this being the Telephone music video, this was more of a short film featuring the Telephone song. If that makes any sense. It doesn’t necessarily mean the video is bad, because my GOD it is not at all, I just wish there was two versions. The epic 10 minute version, than another version that is just the length of the track…does that make sense or am I just blowing smoke out of my ass?
OK, so now why I love the video. Um because its fucking AMAZINGLY EPIC! EPIC EPIC EPIC! It’s my word of the year and there is no on better to use it for than Lady Gaga. This video is a continuation of Paparazzi…remember the video before Bad Romance? Well at the end of that video she kills her boyfriend and gets taken to jail. Well we are in said jail, and two bodybuilding women cops throw Gaga into her cell and rip off her clothes. Leaving her naked as they walk away and say “I told you she didn’t have a dick”. If you don’t get that reference, it was because everyone thought she was a hermaphrodite. Half man/Half woman. Yeah it was a good rumour and she played into it for a while. Google it, it’s funny.
We get a some sexy jailhouse action, with some girl on girl kissing, fabulous jailhouse outfits (though I dont’ know what jail would allow studs and spikes on clothing in) and even a brunette Gaga look alike. The song doesn’t even start until almost 3 minutes in when Gaga gets a call from Beyonce…who’s going to bail her out. The one visual that everyone seems to notice is Gag giving her best Madonna open your heart to me look alike impersonation walking down the cell corridor. The resemblance is INSANELY similar there’s no way you can miss it.
After Honey B bails out Gaga in the Pussy Wagon (The one from Kill Bill), they talk about something they are going to do as B breaks into her section of the track. Well, what they are going to do is kill Honey B’s boyfriend. So much boyfriend killing…fabulous! Honey B’s boyfriend is none other than Tyrese who is so sexy that it only makes sense. Well, Gaga is in the kitchen makin up a fabulous poison breakfast for the jackass, and for everyone else in the diner. They all eat it, and they all die…with Beyonce saying “I knew you’d take all my honey…you mothaF*&^#$. (Funny how Beyonce will never swear, but Gaga did earlier).
Then my favourite part…DANCE BREAK! DANCE BITCH DANCE! It’s so fierce…and you’ll notice Gaga uses all of her dancers from the shows and previous videos. Loyalty, I like that.
Then our two heroines drive off into the sunset hold each others hands in a very Thelma and Louise way. I was almost expecting them to drive off a cliff, but all we get is a To Be continued…OH REALLY? Continued to waht? Another duet? Another two duets? I just say bite the fucking bullet make a three disc album. One Gaga, one Beyonce, and one duets…then embark on a co-headlining arena tour that will no doubt put every other tour in the history of the world to shame, make a gillion dollars each, and make more of the music videos/short films. That’s what I think they should do…
On second thought…I only LOVE this video.
ENJOY IT BELOW