While doing a little site maintenance the other day, I realized that I hadn’t done a “Marry, F*ck, Bitch Slap” post in a while. For those who need a refresher, I present three options and you have to pick which one you’d marry, have hot sex with, and slap silly. Typically, the last choice is kill but I didn’t want my fluff post to become violent.
Since it’s been a couple months since we played this fun game, I thought I’d up the ante. Straight guys have fantasies about twins, so why can’t the gays dream about brothers. That’s right, I went there… THREESOME. On their own, all these individuals are hot but when coupled with their blood relative, the hot quotient skyrockets. Brothers are better than twins because you have variety. LOL. So without further ado, let’s check out the candidates.
As you can see in the main picture above, I’ve chosen the Hemsworth brothers, Evans duo and Franco bros. Narrowing the field to just three sets of brothers proved more difficult than I initially thought. To further narrow them to Marry, F*ck, Bitch Slap is going to require some further dissection.
First up are the Franco brood. Older bro James is known for his wide array of roles. The Oscar-nominated actor has appeared in teen movies, to super hero flicks and indie dramas. There’s nothing this guy can’t do. Correction, there is one thing he can’t. Dude can’t host an Oscar telecast to save his life. His signature aloofness and stoner vibe didn’t translate for the big event. James has two big upcoming roles on the horizon. In 2012, he’ll appear in “Cherry” as a cocaine-addicted lawyer and as Oz in “Oz: The Great and Powerful” the following year in 2013.
Younger bro Dave is best known for his role in “Scrubs” and “Greek“. MTV named him one of the “Breakout Stars to Watch for in 2011″. Earlier this year, Dave filmed a hilarious skit for FunnyOrDie.com where he had sex with himself. Lil bro can next be seen in 2012′s reboot of “21 Jump Street”.
Let me preface this by saying I’ve had a huge crush on Chris for many years. If I had a laminated list, he would occupy slots 2, 3, and 4. Paul Walker would take my top slot and my bottom one *wink*. The 30-year-old actor burst onto the scene when he wore a whipped cream bikini in the spoof “Not Another Teen Movie“. Since then, he’s graduated to playing superheroes. First as the Human Torch in “Fantastic Four” and then most recently as Captain America. He’ll reprise that latter role in next year’s highly anticipated “The Avengers”. Side note. Without a doubt, the right pic is one of my all-time favorite shirtless pics of him. It’s so redneck mechanic hot.
28-year-old Scott is the sole openly gay hottie in this post. He’s best known for his role on the now-defunct “One Life To Live“. Scott came out when he was 19-years-old and discussed being out in Hollywood to AfterElton.com. “I didn’t want to be one of those people who goes back into the closet and tries to hide because I knew it would come out. With the success of my brother, I didn’t feel it was necessary to hide it once I’d come out. I’m an out person, as opposed to an out actor, I suppose.”
A few years ago, I was all about blonds and Aussies. Now it’s all about that dark Mediterranean look. Still, I hold a special place in my heart for the elder Hemsworth. Chris made a splashy debut to North American audiences as Chris Pine’s dad in “Star Trek“. 2011 was his breakout year by wowing audiences in “Thor“. The muscles definitely helped make a great impression. 2012 will be an even bigger year for the stud. He’s set to appear in three high-profile flicks: “Red Dawn“; “Snow White & the Huntsmen“; and “The Avengers” with Chris Evans. Two Chris studs in the same film. I don’t know if I can handle all that hotness. I’m not ready for all that hard jelly.
When he was known simply as Miley Cyrus’ arm candy, Liam did nothing for me. Then I saw him in that schmaltzy Nicholas Sparks’ film “The Last Song” and I became smitten. He certainly is charming. Even though he’s still with Cyrus, he’ll step out of her shadow come 2012. Liam will appear in “The Hunger Games” and “The Expendables 2“. He’s even rumored to play Bruce Willis’ son in the fifth Die Hard flick. Watch out, cuz Liam is about to dominate the box office along with his bro.
Marry: The Evans Brothers. After much debate, I decided on the combo of Chris and Scott. Firstly, I’ve lusted over Chris for several years and I think he’d be a good hang and I could have sex with him 365 days a year. Equally as cute (and probably a bottom), Scott would be an asset as well. Being gay, we could go shopping, decorate, cook and be as gay as we wanted to be. The best of both worlds for sure.
F-ck: The Hemsworth Brothers. DUH. I’d give anything to ride Chris’ buff body in “Thor”. Plus, he looks like he’d be an animal in bed. And that voice. WOOF. I could tag team Liam and Chris for one adventurous and unforgettable night for sure.
Bitch Slap: The Franco Brothers. By sheer process of elimination that leaves James and Dave. I can definitely see myself bitch slapping these two, especially after taking a toke with them. “Pineapple Express” marathon anyone?
I’ve made my picks, now it’s your turn to chose. Tell me who you’d Marry, F-ck, and Bitch Slap below.