grindr-app-screenshot

As you may or may not know, with a little help from a local bartender about a year ago, I was early to jump aboard the Grindr craze as it swept our sexually rambunctious country. Not wanting to go through that ridiculously laboured effort to create ANOTHER online profile, upload 9 pics, describe myself in 400 words, consider my perfect first date and wait a couple days to be confirmed as a “real person”, the Grind option to set up my sex-searchin’ “nic and pic” in less than a minute was monstrously appealing. Feeling much the same, homos in Vancouver and from there virally (pun intended ;) across the globe began downloading this app like crazy and the creators now boast over an astounding 500,000 users on there today! BUT, with that expansion and wide-spread acceptance, so comes greater scrutiny and responsibility.

Likely realizing that merely clicking “Yes, I am over 18″ as you download and install this app doesn’t exactly fulfill all legal requirements of pseudo-porn distribution to the masses, the boys at Grindr have instituted a strict new set of rules concerning the viewable content we can post. The changes affect both the main pic we use to bait the boys with and the sometimes sexy self-description we type up to accompany it. Where originally waving your engorged peter around was about the only thing you could do to raise a red flag with the boys in tech support, there’s now a list of no-no’s that’ll get your words or pictures yanked. Don’t worry, you’re not getting “banned for life,” but the delay in gettin’ your new and “approved” picture up might unfortunately be the difference between you catching that 450 feet away “musclejock45″ before the boy around the corner from you snatches him up. Read on to find out exactly what’s kosher and what’s not to properly set up/adjust your profile…. some of the new rules are actually pretty hilarious :P

This one hurt me a lot… i’m a BIG hip bone shower off-er:

  • No bare skin below the waistline (hip bone area) or above the upper thighs can be shown.

For those with a bit of fetish to them, these few will not elicit a smile:

  • No underwear can be visible. Swimwear must follow the bare skin rule above.
  • Hand or fingers cannot be down pants or pulling underwear outward.

I just love the specifics on this new ban:

  • No images that show semen (or any fluid made to look like semen or ejaculation) on anything in photo.

And, if you thought you could get around the rules with a bit of sneakiness, the devil is truly in the details with these next three:

  • Photos cannot be altered to hide sexual acts including a black box or blurred filters to hide sexual images such as touching of genitals by hand.
  • No photos of frontal, back or side nudity.
  • No nudity (particularly the genitals) covered up by a towel, hat or other means.

This one just plain breaks my heart…. I’m KIDDING:

  • Photos cannot contain sex props and toys, including the use of fruits/vegetables.

Concerning the text you can put up in your headline or description, there’s a few new things you need to know as well now.

This one is a little disappointing… so now we actually have to ASK each other who’s gonna be the top? Seems a bit troublesome, but still, this app is savin’ me a hell of a lot of time I’d be wasting drinking at a club so I’ll deal haha:

  • No text referring to genital size or sexual acts.

Bit of a prudish new one, but again, fearing kids are on here- or mormons- I get it:

  • No profanity or curse words, including abbreviations and masking (i.e. f**k, a$$, etc.)

Finally, a bit of a (over) nod towards the “healthier” side of man on man loving:

  • Expressions of a desire to engage in unprotected sex is not allowed.

Let me know what you think about the new rules! I know they’re a lot to take in all of a sudden for us older users, but still, once you enter a conversation with a man you can send all the dirty, vegetable, barebackin’ pics you want and include the dirtiest details of your darkest fantasies- so, the sex should still occur ;) I’m still a big fan and am gonna go check for new messages right now!