After last week’s Fan-Sue-Tastic episode, I was a little worried that my beloved Sue Sylvester would be placed on the back burner so that the producers could focus on another character this week. TGIF, I was wrong- Coach Sue was in prime form. We were instantly treated to a visually hilarious slo-motioned argument between the two co-heads, Sue & Will, of the Glee Club. I could’ve watched an entire hour of their facial reactions alone. The segment was funny enough even if you took out the voice overs.

The biggest complaint I received about last week’s episode from Homorazzi.com readers was that there wasn’t enough musical numbers. Boy, did the producers go into overdrive this week. They were popping them out faster than Kate Gosselin pops out babies from her va-jay-jay. But does more mean better? Hmmm, I think not. In my opinion, I’d rather have two solid performances like last week’s mashups than the sub-par numbers we were given this week.

Besides the Avril Lavigne “Keep Holding On” segment, all the others barely made a blip on my radar. On paper, the Jordin Sparks “No Air” piece should’ve blown me out of the water, but even that, was tepid at best. Don’t get me wrong, the singing was great with Rachel’s spot-on vocals, but everything else about it was less than magical. The other three numbers were even bigger wastes of time- especially Quinn’s disastrous “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” efforts. Eeks. I’ll just leave it at that. Such a shame though considering the great production work done for that piece- the choreography and stage set-up were amazeballs. Okay…. slight retraction. I kinda liked the Nelly number but only because I LOVE THAT SONG. I bet you the Homorazzi cast (drunk of course) could do a better job. Please don’t call me out on this :).

Though some of the music didn’t impress, the slew of subtle and not so subtle visual gags throughout the episode titled “Throwdown” made up for it. Whether it was Sue Sylvester popping and locking, Kurt doing his best Rockette impersonation whilst wearing a pink mohair sweater, or the Glee boys lifting Artie in his wheelchair during the Rachel led storm out, they all had me laughing in stitches with their absurdity. I hope they keep churning more of these out in future episodes.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Terri’s fake pregnancy scenes. They were all epic. I loved how Terri and her sister, Kendra, blackmailed their OBGYN to due their bidding. Even better was when Terri and Dr. Woo faked their way throughout the sonogram process so that Will would fall for the pregnancy ruse even more. Every fake reaction Terri committed was comedic gold. How could you not laugh while her OBGYN scanned her knees instead of her stomach or when she pretended the gel was cold even though Dr. Woo dumped it into a nearby bowl. I would be shocked if both Jane Lynch (Coach Sue) and Jessalyn Gilsig (Terri Schuester) weren’t nominated for Best Supporting Emmy’s next year.

MUSICAL NUMBERS

NO AIR

Original Artist: Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown
Glee Performance By: Rachel & Finn

KEEP HOLDING ON

Original Artist: Avril Lavigne
Glee Performance By: McKinley Glee Club

“You Keep Me Hangin’ On”

Original Artist: The Supremes
Glee Performance By: Quinn & The Cheerios

“Hate on Me”

Original Artist: Jill Scott
Glee Performance By: Mercedes & The Minorities

“Ride wit Me”

Original Artist: Nelly
Glee Performance By: The Minorities & The Whities

Here are the best sound bites from last night’s episode. Enjoy.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I’m so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior. God, it feels good to finally pop that zit known as Will Schuester.

Mercedes: Can we maybe try something a little more black?
Kurt: I agree, we do an awful lot of showtunes.
Rachel: It’s Glee Club not Crunk Club
Mercedes: Don’t make me, take you to the carpet. (Mercedes & Kurt do finger congratulations)

Quinn: The minority students don’t feel like they’re being heard (pan to ethnic cheerio, Santana)
Coach Sue Sylvester: Ah, chink in the armor, huh. I’m going to create an environment that is so toxic. No one will want to be part of the club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and I salted the earth of the backyard so that nothing living could grow there for a hundred years. You know why i did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.

Principal Figgins: This meeting doesn’t end until I see your bodies touching. (referring to Will and Sue hugging)

(While hugging)
Will: I will destroy you.
Coach Sue Sylvester: I’m about to vomit down your back.
Will: It’s on

Jacob (Nerd reporter): The independent polling company in my Dockers has determined you’re the hottest girl in the school.
Rachel: Ew!

Coach Sue Sylvester: Alright, the following students have been selected for a special elite Glee Club, called Sue’s Kids.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Listen up! When you hear you name called, cross over to my side of this black shiny thing.
Will: That’s called a piano, Sue.
Coach Sue Sylvester: Santana, Wheels, Gay Kid. Come on! Move it! Asian, other Asian, Aretha, and Shaft.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Bigotry is no laughing matter.
Santana: And that’s how Sue see’s it (while doing Sue’s signature hand sign off)
Coach Sue Sylvester: Outstanding!

Kendra (Terri’s sister): Tell that Quinn girl not to vaccinate in the hospital. I’m pretty sure those shots made my kids stupid.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Sometimes people ask me Sue. How come you’re so sensitive to minorities? Well I’ll tell you why. Because I know first hand how hard it is to struggle as a minority in America today. I’m 1/16 Comanche Indian. In fact, I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one.

Coach Sue Sylvester: And you, Mercedes! I want to see Mariah hands.

Will: Sue! Hey Sylvester! I’m talking to you.
Coach Sue Sylvester: Oh, hey buddy. I thought I smelled failure.
Will: Why did you take the piano when it was my time with the kids?
Coach Sue Sylvester: A properly steam cleaned piano is key to any successful music group.
Will: You are undermining me in front of these students.
Coach Sue Sylvester: You’re delusions of persecution are a tell tale sign of early stage paranoid schizophrenia.
Will: That is it, Sue! This ends right here.
Coach Sue Sylvester: Cock fight. FANTASTIC!!!!

Coach Sue Sylvester: I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulphurous eggs in there and I find it disgusting.

(Terri handing beer to Will)
Will: Thanks, honey. I want to finish grading these papers first.
Terri: Oh, you think the kids weren’t drunk when they wrote them.

Reporter: Sue, a lot of our readers at Cheerleading Today.
Coach Sue Sylvester: I’m cutting you off. Is this a cover story?
Reporter: Yes.
Coach Sue Sylvester: Okay, this is all your readers need to know. I’m all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational random terror.

Principal Figgins: They tried to spell out GO TEAM and they spelled out TO GAME.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Should they learn Spanish? Sure! If they want to become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they want to be bankers, and lawyers and captains of industry, the most important lesson they can possibly learn is how to do a round-off.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Don’t touch me.
(Will touches her)
Coach Sue Sylvester: THAT IS A LAWSUIT MISTER. I WILL SUE YOUR ASS!!!

Coach Sue Sylvester: What happened to our little agreement, huh? Will I be uploading a certain video to YouTube this afternoon?
Principal Figgins: Oh Sue, I put it on YouYube myself and it only got two hits. Let me break it down for you. NOBODY CARES!

Principal Figgins: NO, NOT THE CHILDREN (when Sue finished throwing things and went for kids. Instead she grabs a teacher)

Finn: I came up with the best baby name of all time. DRIZZLE
Quinn: Drizzle?
Finn: Yeah, yeah. Cuz you know how awesome it is when it’s just drizzling outside. But it’s not really raining so it smells like rain but you don’t need an umbrella to go outside.
Quinn. Are you a moron?
Finn: What?
Quinn: We’re not naming our baby, Drizzle!

Kurt: She told me if I even talked to one of Mr. Schu’s kids that she would shave my head. And I just can’t rock that look. Even Justin Timberlake is growing his fro back.

Artie (wheelchair boy): Bye, white people. (after covert jam session)

Coach Sue Sylvester: Can you imagine in this day and age being discriminated against. My goodness, the pain you must be feeling. (turns to Puck) So your last name is Puckerman?
Puck: Shalom! (with a fist pump)
Coach Sue Sylvester: Who knew? And poor sweet Brittany. Oh, I know the Dutch are famous for being a cold people but that’s no excuse for treating you like some half price hooker in Amsterdam’s famous Red Light District. Well all I can say is, if you’re serious about leaving Schuester, Sue Sylvester’s rainbow tent will gladly protect you for his storm of racism.

Obstetrician Woo: My job is very stressful. After dentists, obstetricians have the highest rate of suicides among medical professionals. Caring for my Bonsai relaxes me
Terri: I had a huge crush on the Karate Kid when I was a teenager.

Kendra: Well, Woo! You delivered all three of my kids. Each one is dumber than the last plus they all have A.D.D. and although my husband nor I have red hair they are all creepy ginger kids.
Obstetrician Woo: It’s caused by a recessive gene.
Kendra: That’s one theory. Do you want to hear mine? You gave me too much pitocin when I was in labor and it screwed up their DNA.
Obstetrician Woo: That’s not a theory. You just made that up.

Quinn: Listen here, treasure trail! We’re about to have a smackdown.
Rachel: I don’t want to have a confrontation.
Quinn: Don’t play stupid with me Stubbles.

Coach Sue Sylvester: Get on with it. Enough with the jibba jabba. Sing something!
Will: Sue, you can’t talk to kids that way.
Coach Sue Sylvester: (sarcastic hand over face)

Coach Sue Sylvester: It’s sad enough that my Sue’s Kids are living in squalor and probably on food stamps
Mercedes: My dad is a dentist.
Coach Sue Sylvester: But to bring them in here and bore them to death. I won’t stand for it.

Rachel: Fellow Glee Clubbers, it would be an honor to show you how a real storm out is done. I encourage you to follow my lead.

Terri: Will! You are about to see your child for the first time. Can you forget about those dancing delinquents for one minute.

Will: I wanted to talk to you about the auditorium
Coach Sue Sylvester: Good. I wanted to come to you too but I have no idea where your office is. Won’t you have a seat?
Will: Sure.
Coach Sue Sylvester: So, I decided to step down as co-head of Glee.
Will: Really?
Coach Sue Sylvester: Yeah it’s not for me. It’s too fruity. Can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional unless it’s from physical exhaustion.

Coach Sue Sylvester: This was a particularly interesting find (holding underwear with her pencil) from this today’s round of locker checks. Are these your droopy white granny panties, jacob? Are you an Eve who was born as a Steve. Because if you are, I think there’s a special school that would better address your needs… and I think that school is in Thailand.

Related Stories:
• Glee Season One Coverage
• Glee Episode Six: “Take Two of These Then Nothing Will Stop You”
• Glee: Season Preview

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