Can we just start calling this the “Sue Sylvester Show”? Seriously, every other word coming out of her mouth was pure magic. When Patrick, Adam, Brian and I were in L.A in May, we had a chance to talk with Jane Lynch at a red carpet event. It’s a good thing, I hadn’t fallen in love with Sue Sylvester at that point otherwise I might’ve been kicked off the red carpet for jumping the rope to declare my undying adoration for her.
Speaking of Glee cast members, this past weekend Patrick, Brian and I had a wicked opportunity to talk with Patrick Gallagher who plays Coach Ken Tanaka on the show. During the VIFF red carpet event, I screamed out “COACH TANAKA! COACH! (huge pause) TANAKA!”. I guess my screaming paid off because he came over. I chatted with him for a few and then shuffled him off to answer Patrick’s questions. After his interview was over, he went of out his way to thank me for the support. LMAO. I guess Patrick’s gushing about my Glee recaps got his attention. Check out Patty’s quick interview with him below.
Hope you enjoyed that clip. Now back to last night’s episode titled “Vitamin D”. A little low on the number of musical numbers but still fan-fricking-tastic. At this point, I’m torn between who delivers better one liners- Sue Sylvester or Terri Schuester? The scene where Sylvester tattled on Terri’s husband’s inappropriate flirting with Emma was hilarious. And the by product of that conversation was even funnier. The subplot with Terri being the new school nurse gave some of the evening’s funniest moments. Whenever anyone questioned her nursing skills she would simply reply “I’m the school nurse” or “It’s over the counter”. Haha. I think I might pop a couple of decongestants later today and see what they do for me. Don’t be surprised if you see me singing a Spice Girls/Whitney/Mariah/Aguilera/Underwood mashup on YouTube this afternoon.
This week there were two musical numbers. Correction. TWO FRIGGIN’ AMAZEBALL NUMBERS. To begin with, I love all four songs showcased this episode. Secondly, I’m obsessed with mashups. Ever since Topher introduced Girl Talk to me a few years ago, I’ve appreciated the art of the mashup- it blows remixing & DJ’ing out of the water in my opinion. Sure all require talent, but after hearing how seamlessly Girl Talk can meld segments of a song into each other, you’d agree as well. How he can transition the Notorious B.I.G. to Elton John’s Tiny Dancer to Kelly Clarkson is insane.
When I first heard there was going to be a face-off between the girls and the boys, I, like Kurt, immediately gave my allegiance with the girls. I thought the women were going to give the boys a schoolyard beatdown- really they should’ve. On paper, the girls’ Beyonce “Halo” and Katrina and the Waves “Walking on Sunshine” should’ve won. Boy was I wrong. The boys killed it with their mashup of Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” and Usher’s “Confessions Part II”. Their choreography was ri-dic-ulous-ly awesome and full of energy. When they incorporated wheelchair Artie doing the rollback, I was in stitches. Speaking of Artie, did you know he used to be in the now defunct boy band called NLT.
I have to say, doing these recaps has broaden my vocabulary and I’ve been able pick up a couple of new words here and there. During some scenes this week, I had to replay it maybe 10 times before I could phonetically write down certain words and then later google. Here are the two words that drove me up the wall trying to decipher. Don’t be surprised if you start seeing these two words randomly in future articles.
Emma: Um, um I’m sorry. You’ve just, um you got a little mustard in your cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple.
Coach Sue Sylvester: Oh dear, dear God. Please, please stop talking. I’m trying desperately to ignore the trickly sweet inanity of your asinine conversation but now I’ve got vile in my mouth and I will hold my tongue no further.
Coach Sue Sylvester: We’re dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It’s like mother milk to them. Without it their bones won’t grow properly.
Coach Sue Sylvester: Emma, that blouse is just insane.
Kurt: I don’t understand how lightning is in competition with an above ground swimming pool?
Will: Split up. Guys on the left side, girls on the right. (pause) Kurt.. (head nods to the boys’ direction)
Mercedes: We got this in the bag.
Rachel: Totally, I’m going to start storyboarding our choreography tonight.
Wheelchair Artie: We’re planning on smacking them down like the hand of God. (referring to the girls’ future loss)
Coach Sue Sylvester: Dear journal, feeling listless again today. It began at dawn when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer
Coach Sue Sylvester: It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver! That quiver will lose us Nationals. And without a championship, I’ll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements, I won’t be able to buy my hovercraft…
Coach Sue Sylvester: Glee club, every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth breathers it only comes back stronger like some sexually ambiguous movie hero villain. Here I am about to turn 30 and I’ve sacrificed everything only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens. Am I missing something journal, is it me?
Coach Sue Sylvester: It’s WILL SCHUESTER. What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm?
Coach Sue Sylvester: Let me frank, your husband is hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farms gift basket that doesn’t belong to you.
Terri: What? With who?
Coach Sue Sylvester: Guidance counselor, real floozy and a maneater, wears creepy brooches like the kind my Nana was buried in. More tea.
Coach Sue Sylvester: I’ve always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness. Me, never wanted kids. Don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.
Coach Sue Sylvester: I think you should both pack up and move out of the district. Unless you want to lose your man to a mentally ill ginger Pygmy with eyes like a bush baby.
Terri: but i’m not a nurse, i work at sheets and things
Coach Sue Sylvester:I’m not an American citizen. I was born in the Panama Canal zone but I managed to get a passport and run for office twice.
Will: You’re not a nurse. you don’t have any training
Terri: Oh please Will, it’s a public school.
Finn: I can’t get Rachel out of my head. She kinda freaks me out in a Swimfan kind of way but she can really sing and her body is smoking if you’re not into boobs.
Finn: It smells pretty bad but I mask it with Drakkar Noir (referring to rubbing biofreeze over his legs)
Terri: What time do you go to bed?
Finn: I don’t know. Usually after Skinemax starts playing regular movies again.
Terri: Oh, you can be honest with me. There’s a code of silence in my office.
Finn: Are they safe? (referring to the decongestants Terri’s giving him)
Terri: They’re over the counter. They stock them next to the candy bars. Sweetie, I’m the school nurse. i know what I’m doing.
Kurt: Vitamin c, vogue magazine says it boost energy levels and brightens the complexion. (referring to the decongestants Finn is giving his team)
Rachel: You’re actually a good singer, Quinn. Occasionally sharp but that’s just because you lack my years of training.
Terri: We’ve got to put a stop to this so that I could get out of here. See, I’m not built to work five days a week.
Coach Tanaka: Look at the two of us. You, pregnant and me with psoriasis and one testicle that won’t descend. I don’t know who to feel more sorry for. (comparing himself to Terri)
Kurt: Though I’ve been grouped with the boys, my allegiance still remains with you ladies. They declined my offer to do their hair and cornrows and all my artistic decisions have been derided as too costly because they involve several varieties of exotic bird feathers. (selling his boys out to the girls)
Rachel: It’s also cheating. As a matter of fact, I’m going to start calling Enron.
Finn: Hey, hey back off! I’m nothing like A-Rod, I never take steroids. It makes your junk falls off.
Coach Tanaka: It’s Cubic Zirconia. I know how affected you were by Black Diamond. (proposing to Emma)
Terri: Oh, you might think there’s some sort of competition going on between you and I but that’s like saying that a nail is competing with a hammer. (threatening Emma to stay away from her hubby)
Terri: Do yourself a favor, honey. Marry Ken Tanaka. Oh sure he’s dumb like sand and his fondue pot of nationalities is going to open up your kids to a host of genetic diseases.
Terri: You want money from me?
Quinn: It’s gonna be your baby.
Terri: Which means I’m going be paying the bills for 18 years. I think you can handle 9 months.
Rachel: I’m sorry about what i said the other day. about calling you contemptible and deplorable.
Finn: That’s alright. I didn’t even know what those words meant. (Homorazzi inside joke: only words Patrick knows)
Was last night’s episode another winner? What were your favorite and least favorite moments? Weigh in below with your comments and thoughts.