Glee Episode 12: “Hold Onto Your Hats And Get Ready to Sell Some Mattresses”

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Wow, did a lot ever happen in tonight’s episode. Will finally found about Terri’s faux pregnancy, Emma and Tanaka set a wedding date, Sue finally destroys Glee Club… well, until Quinn blackmails her. God, I loved Quinn in this episode. I love bitchy girls, but I love them even more when they know the art of blackmailing.

With all this soap opera dramz going on, the producers needed some comedic gags to lighten up the mood in between. The picture montage showing all the various clubs Rachel joined was sheer genius. The Mock United Nations Club and Muslim Students Club were my two favorite. Another montage that almost had me choking on my food (we eat dinner while watching TV), was when Rachel was on a campaign to persuade someone to be a co-captain. Once again, my girl Brittany stole the scene with her intellectual non-prowess.

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FUN FACT OF THE WEEK

While some characters like Kurt, Sue and Terri seem to get all the bitchy snappy one-liners, Mercedes still wins me over, with her amazing voice. In addition to her vocal talents, this week during the Mattress World scenes, she won me over even more. Even though she only said two words, her fake awful bad acting while spewing that cheesy script had me cracking up (Puck’s delivery also did me in). She had me howling even more when she ran down those mattress aisles during the musical segment (see pic below).

With such a powerful voice, you have to wonder why she hasn’t been signed and discovered prior to this gig. Looks like the American Idol producers had another case of “Colbie Callait-itis”. At the age of 17, Amber Riley (Mercedes), auditioned for American Idol but was rejected by the Idol producers. She didn’t even make it to see Paula, Simon and Randy. BOOO. Looks like Idol’s loss is Glee’s and our gain.

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MUSICAL NUMBERS

Being the penultimate episode before Glee’s Fall season finale, I guess the producers decided to take it easy this week and only give us three musical numbers. It even took about 20 minutes into the show before we got our first sing-a-long. Though short in quantity, they definitely delivered on quality. My favorite was the Van Halen “Jump” inspired mattress commercial. It was extremely well choreographed and watching the kids go super-camp was hilarious. The whole segment reminded me of a drunk photoshoot we had during Patrick’s birthday. We all took turns jumping on his bed hoping the pictures would capture us in mid-air. At one point, five people jumped at the same time, resulting in one of Patrick’s bed legs to break. Side note, it probably wasn’t the first time that happened *wink Patrick*.

Am I the only one who kept picturing Jermaine Jackson singing at Michael’s funeral, when the Glee kids did their “Smile” rendition. As much as I like the song, I found it distracting as I couldn’t get that image out of my head- good scene though.

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JUMP
Original Artist: Van Halen
Glee Performance By: Glee Club

SMILE
Original Artist: Lily Allen
Glee Performance By: Rachel & Finn

SMILE
Original Artist: Charlie Chaplin
Glee Performance By: Glee Club

Here are the best sound bites from last night’s episode. Enjoy.

Emma: Oh my gosh, Sue. Did someone finally punch you?
Coach Sylvester: Edie, William, You (points to Coach Tanaka)

Coach Sylvester: This year, got myself a bit of an eye life. And while they were in there I told them go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn’t using them.

Coach Sylvester: Got them on a yam diet, draws the water out of the skin.

Coach Sylvester: You three are boring me now. I’m going to do something else.

Kurt: Where’s Rachel?
Finn: She’s not here yet.
Kurt: Perfect.

Mercedes: What’s a patriotic wedgie?
Finn: It’s when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies.
Artie: Strangely, it did make me feel more American.

Kurt: He can be seen her with both a drawn on Hitler moustache and a rice pattie hat.

Principal Figgins: I suggest you select the good-looking cheerleader, not the pregnant one and the quarterback for the photo as their faces are less likely to be scratched out with safety pins.

Rachel: Make fun of me all you want, but school pictures are everything to me. They’re great practice for getting photographed by the paparazzi.

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Quinn: I want my kids to be able to look back at these books and see who I was. Make them proud. Not the bastard one I’m carrying now, of course,the ones I’ll have when I’m married and ready.

Terri: Wear the red one for the teacher photo and the green one for the glee club. it’ll pop more when the cool kids deface it.

Rachel: I want us to start a gaylesball
Kurt: I’m sorry.
Rachel: The gay lesbian alliance. Gay-Lesb-All

Puck: I got to go hit the gym and load up the guns.

Emma: Sometimes things sound a lot different coming from a peer, even if that peer is as annoying as Rachel.

Mercedes: I can’t be co-captain, no time… Kwanzaa

Artie: I’d love to be in the photo Rachel but you’d be standing and I’d be sitting, and it would throw off the composition
Rachel: I’ll lean over
Artie: But if you lean over, it’ll look like you have stomach rolls.

Brittany: Because I don’t want to be in a picture with you, it’ll get defaced.
Rachel: No it won’t
Brittany: Yes it will, I’ll be the one doing it.

Rachel: That’s it, I practiced over 18 different poses for this shoot and I haven’t even shown you any of my over the left shoulder pose. See

Rachel: I can cry on demand. Its one of my many talents. I’m very versatile and aside from nudity and the exploitation of animals, I’ll pretty much do anything to break into the business.

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Finn: They said if I took the Glee Club photo, that they’d make me choose between the Hitler moustache or buckteeth
and I can’t rock either of those looks.

Tina: What’s the commercial?
Rachel: Hold onto your hats and get ready to sell (huge pause) some “MATTRESSES”

Mercedes: Whatever, as soon as I get my record deal, I’m not speaking to any of you.

Mattress Owner: We here at Mattress Land believe that mattresses aren’t just for sleeping and fornicating anymore. We believe buying an affordable mattress should be fun.

Terri: Who are we kidding Will? This marriage works because you don’t feel good about yourself.

Coach Sylvester: All I want is just one day a year where I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously Ohio, these retinas need a day off.

Coach Sylvester: Hey Andrea, that Sue’s Corner I just did, I was talking about you.

Coach Sylvester: What I wanted was a head cheerleader who wasn’t going to hoist her legs behind her ears in the backseat of the first station wagon she could jimmy open.

Coach Sylvester: You’re too busy chasing tail and loading your hair with enormous amounts of product. I mean today it just looks like you just put lard in it.

Coach Sylvester: It’s like looking at a porno star in a nun’s habit

Coach Sylvester: You’re like a young Sue Sylvester. Now get out of my office, if you can manage squeeze through the door without your water breaking all over my new carpet.

With the fall season finale airing next week, are you more excited to finally see McKinley High go to sectionals or are you saddened that we’ll have to wait til April to get a new episode? What did you think of tonight’s episode? Did you love it or were you bored and fell asleep on your affordable mattress from Mattress World?

  • Robyn

    Loved it… the drama was good. Although still not a big fan of Will or the actor who plays him. The hair product comment made me feel better.

    The one liners were brilliant and that more than made up for the music. Jane/Sue was fantastic… “uglies and fatties…’ So true, Sue, so true…

    Didn’t love “Smile” either. The wrong kind of cheesy.