Geordie Shore… Yup, I Caved And Watched It.

While the “Jersey Shore” cast is causing a ruckus in Florence, Italy, a bunch of wannabes are doing the same in the UK. With the success of the MTV hit, you had to expect a countless stream of spin-offs would be coming our way. There was one in Canada, titled “Lake Shore“, and now one across the pond called “Geordie Shore“. The Canadian version never appealed to me so I never bothered, though I did appreciate their attempt for a multi-cultural cast. The UK version, on the other hand, doesn’t make any apologies for pretty much casting Snooki and The Situation, but with British accents. Total ripoff. That being said, I’m already hooked after the first episode.

I don’t know what it is about watching drunken fools making asses of themselves that makes it so entertaining. Whatever it is, I’m guilty as charged of being a reality television junkie. Plus the fact the guys are kinda hot in a supremely douchy way doesn’t hurt either. One of the blokes (look at me, I’m British) claims his penis is the size of a remote control. Let’s hope for his sake that it’s one of those all-in-one huge Logitech ones instead of the compact Apple TV variety.

Set in Newcastle, the show will follow eight young fools as they hook up, start bar fights and drink copious amounts of jager bombs. The first episode aired last week, so it’s not too late to jump on the “Georgie Shore” bandwagon. Catch an all-new episode tonight on MTV UK. Or watch it on which will most likely put the episode online tomorrow. If someone catches you watching it, you can pretend you’re simply watching it to pick up a second language. LOL. Some of their accents are thicker than thick.

James Tindale

Age: 20

Occupation: Transport Manager

Show Intro: “The hardest [thing] I’ve ever done is doing me hair”

MTV Brief Bio: His quest in life is to pull as many girls as possible and in his own words: ‘why not go out and get pissed, get naked and have fun!’

AKA The Situation. James looks to become the ringleader of the boys. In the first episode he starts a bar fight after he catches a bloke make hand gestures his way. This all happened while making out with a bird. If you’re making out with a chick and noticing other guys, perhaps he plays for our team. I wouldn’t mind drafting him.

Vicky Pattison

Age: 23

Occupation: Telesales

Show Intro: “I’m a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.”

MTV Brief Bio: She likes shopping or going to the gym, which are the only two activities in her world that don’t involve alcohol.

AKA Sammi The Sweetheart. She seems to be the bitchiest and stuck up of the bunch and I love it. The pic above isn’t the most flattering. She’s a lot prettier on the show. She looks a little draglicious up there, right? In the first episode she’s flipped flopped between two of the boys already. Remind you of Sammi when she first thought Mike was cute, but ended up with Ronnie?

Gary “Gaz” Beadle

Age: 23

Occupation: Tiler

Show Intro: “I should have a degree in pulling women.”

MTV Brief Bio: He has a manhood that’s the size of a TV remote control (he even has photographic evidence) and being “mint” in bed… or so he says!

AKA Ronnie. Probably the douchiest and sleaziest of the boys. He’s already spooned, forked, and hooked up with two of his flatmates already. Too boot, he’s also entertained two other randoms in the “smush room”. I guess his claims of his remote control-sized dick must be true. I love channel surfing, and wouldn’t mind using his gadget.

Holly Hagan

Age: 18

Occupation: Loan Advisor

Show Intro: “I’m fit, I’m flirty and I’ve got double Fs.”

MTV Brief Bio: Describing herself as the most real ‘fake’ person you’ll ever come across, Holly often rounds off the night by getting into a scrap.

AKA Snooki. Holly could be the breakout girl of the group. She’s the only one with a boyfriend of the bunch, but hasn’t stopped her from flashing her boobs to her male roommates and servicing one of them. She’s a little emotional and already had two crying fits. Not that I mind, because I find myself riveted to her and her double F boobs.

Greg Lake

Age: 26

Occupation: Heating Engineer and Plumber

Show Intro: “Dress to invest, that’s me.”

MTV Brief Bio: Newcastle to Greg is like one big fishbowl and he equates himself to a shark out on patrol.

AKA Vinnie. Just like his pale counterpart on the US version, this one doesn’t work out or tan nearly as much as the other guys. So much so, he feels left out and already wants to go home. WAHHHHHHHH. That being said, at the end of the episode he seems to be bonding more with the boys. I thought he was the cutest at first, but now think Gaz or James are more my type.

Charlotte-Letitia Crosby

Age: 20

Occupation: Barmaid

Show Intro: “I’ve never kissed anyone without a six pack.”

MTV Brief Bio: She says ‘girls call me a slut, ex-boyfriends call me a psycho and my Mum calls me an idiot.’

AKA J-Woww. Charlotte got so plastered the first night, she passed out. Not really feeling her as of yet, but maybe it’s cuz I’m jealous. She hooked up with my Geordie Shore BF Gaz aka the horse hung one.

Jay Gardner

Age: 25

Occupation: Unemployed

Show Intro: “My biggest fear is getting wrinkles.”

MTV Brief Bio: Diva Jay is rarely pictured with his top on, but who can blame him with a body as buff as his? ‘Whoever’ & ‘whenever’ is his mantra in life.

AKA Pauly D. By far my least favorite of the bunch. Not that any of the guys are scholars, but he seems as dumb as rocks. Does too much primping for my taste. It’s still early in the season, so I’ll reserve full judgment til later.

Sophie Kasaei


Occupation: Call Centre Operative

Show Intro: “I could talk the back legs off a donkey.”

MTV Brief Bio: She is a tomboy at heart but has no problem dancing on tables or flashing her boobs- basically anything goes for this pint sized bundle of fun.

AKA Deena. She wants to be the Snooki of the bunch, but she’s more like the Deena. It’s not without the lack of trying though. During the first episode, she puked her guts out. Gross.

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