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“Gaydar” Alert!
1May2010 Filed under: Saturday Submissions Author: Saturday Submissions
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Okay…so I’ve been out now for about a little over a year now. Until this day, people can either instantly tell that I am gay upon meeting me (excellent gaydar), but then there are the people who have no idea until I tell them (terrible gaydar). Even when I was “straight” people would still ask me if I was gay and others wouldn’t know a thing. All of us gays are blessed with a “gaydar” because after all they are our own kind.
Usually, after I become somewhat close to a person and they haven’t ask me about my sexual orientation, I will just flat out say it or make comment like “That guy is really cute.” That was the exact situation with one of my really good new friends. At first, she thought I was trying to play some kind of joke on her. But seriously, what kind of straight guy would try and pretend they’re gay? This is a prime example of a girl was a terrible “gaydar”.
Now, I am proud of being gay, so when people can’t tell, I am somewhat disappointed. When i let new people into my life and they don’t know I am gay, I ask them why they didn’t think that. They respond with various reasons like “you don’t walk like you’re gay” or “you don’t talk like you’re gay.” These are very common stereotypes that I receive from people. Not ALL gay people have to act a certain way. We are just normal people who were born this way and I don’t think a lot of people are educated of that.
Still, I do not understand how some people can immediately make the snap judgment that a person is gay. I know there are some exceptions to that, especially if the guy is a real queen (which just means he is really comfortable with his sexuality and wants to flaunt what he’s got). On the other hand, more and more straight men are taking pride in their appearance. That doesn’t make them any less of a man, but some people still perceive it that way in this day and age.
I do not fully understand this phenomenon, but think some people with this gift should be stripped of it (especially people that discriminate against gays). Come on now, I’m sure we have all had remarks made against us by people we don’t even know and the glares that they sometimes give just dig into your skin! These kinds of reactions in my experience are mostly from straight men. My usual response is thinking in my head “I bet I could still get more girls to go out with me than you could, and I’m GAY!” haha.
Some human beings are just born with an AMAZING “gaydar,” yet others are not so fortunate (especially the straight girls that always go for the gay guys, but we still really do love you!).
I still have the exact same persona as I did when I was in the closet. It just took me some time to figure out what I was really interested in. Maybe that’s why some people can’t tell that I’m gay?
What do YOU think makes a person able to judge if another is gay or straight or how have people perceived you?
Submitted by: Paul P.
Wanna write? Have an opinion?
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(No Ratings Yet)- Tags: gaydar, straight girl, straight guy
5 Responses to ““Gaydar” Alert!”
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Danny
July 5th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Well Paul this is a good question! But is it a question of personal perception or personal ideas/beliefs.
To answer the first question you asked “What do you think makes a person able to judge if another is gay or straight?”, Personally I feel that everyone has a right to judge but it matters to the degree on how you judge. Is it to yourself? (harmless), or to your firends? (making it a joke and no one gets hurt), or calling someone out? (which is not advised unless you want to hurt a stranger)! With that being said, in a perfect world, no one sould be judged!! In reality it happens and I hope we can do it without hurting anyone else!!!!!
Being a closted gay, I dont judge at all. Living in a big city there is someone always bigger. better. and hotter!! (Even though I am in the top 95% bi/gay looking dudes, ((trust me it I am researched it)) there is always 5% better).
Haha good post, Peace
Don
July 6th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I personally prefer it when people are not able to tell I’m gay right away, although I normally drop a hint (if appropriate) like “whoa, HOT guy” fairly soon in a new friendship. I like to think that my sexual orientation is just one aspect of who I am, and does NOT define who I am. While we all know the reality that ones sexual orientation is VERY interesting, I like to at least act as if nobody cares.
While I’m certainly proud of being openly gay, I also value my masculinity (it’s very strongly tied to my self image), and like that most new people I meet can’t immediately tell that I’m gay. I often fool people’s gaydar; even those who profess to having a well developed sense of it.
And, a very small part of that is probably that I enjoy feeling I have a some amount of control over who I let into my private life, or the secret pleasure of seeing a shocked face – followed by a character revealing recovery – when I casually say something like, “gotta go, meeting my boyfriend.”
Paul
July 6th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
To Danny: I think that being a closeted gay is okay because I’m sure you have your reasons, but when you come out, life is going to be much better.
When I came out it was like a big relief, but no pressure because it’s a really private thing.
To Don: Totally agreeing with enjoying who you let into your private life, I am the exact same way. Seeing the shocked faces are absolutely hilarious to me as well haha.
Jared
July 6th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
I agree with Don. I prefer people not being able to tell, and 99% of the time people don’t know. It’s merely my sexuality and not a culture for me like it is for others, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Andrew
October 17th, 2009 at 4:34 am
I agree too, having that air of mystery is a lot of fun and let’s face it, attractive!
What I have come to find regarding telling whether people are gay or not is not their mannerisms at all but instead how they interact with other people. IE I have met soooo many straight guys who have a lot of “gay” mannerisms and the same for gay guys who seem very “straight-acting” so to speak. So I have found using those sorts of behaviours as an indicator to be ineffective.
I find watching how that guy or girl interacts with other guys/girls is key. Especially being gay, you KNOW that look, or can spot that special interest etc, so it’s much easier to recognize behaviour you can relate too. Even though all of us may have extremely different mannerisms, we can still detect those subtle signs of sexual chemistry/tension/attraction etc and this is where I believe gaydar stems from. I do think having hotter guys around makes it easier too! :P