Comments on: “Oh, You’re Part of the A-Gays…”

By: Jon P.

Jon P. — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:20:25 +0000

I personally think this is a good article, Lex (I like to shorten people’s names, I think it’s cute). You described clique mentality quite nicely. I think it’s about how comfortable you are with yourself that allows you to easily make friends, but I also feel that we (not just the gays, but every human being) has a responsibility to each other to make each other feel included. I mean, I’ve known people who have committed suicide because they felt like no one loved them.

To add to the sentiment here, approaching someone instead of remaining in a clique tells the lonely bystander, “impress me or you’re not worth my words.” It’s unfair for any clique to assume that any of our brethren serve as a court jester to self-proclaimed aristocracy. I also understand that much like you were saying in your work, that these groups tend to happen by chance.

Lex, I’m sure the reason you have good friends is because you guys happen to already be friends and I’m reinforcing that because you shouldn’t (and I’m sure you don’t) feel guilty for it. You all happen to be quite lovely guys. I’ve spent more time in my small town trying to find friends and I thought it was bad in the big city; it’s not, just more visible.

There’s one club here that gays go to and they don’t talk to anyone because they think that there’s only potential for sex. I value conversation and I guess that’s the reason I’m friends with a lot of heterosexual guys (surprise! They like to talk. LOL). It’s just hard out there though, because I don’t feel the same connection with them that I do with the one gay friend I do have. It’s nice to have friends you can really relate to, that won’t be offended at a joke, that won’t be like this is my “gay friend” Jon. It’s like, I would like to have someone be like this is my “friend” or my “homegirl”. Just anything they lovingly call anyone else in their group.

As much as I hate the clique mentality, I would love to just have any group of gay friends just because we connect on a level I just am incapable of with heterosexuals; I don’t mean that in a discriminatory way. I hope you get it Lex.

By: Alex

Alex — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 04:09:32 +0000

hey georgio,

sorry to hear that. i just moved to LA from Seattle and i’m finding it hard to find a group of friends that i fit into. that said, i’ve only been here for 4 months and friendships don’t happen over night. the friendships i had (have) in seattle took, literally, years to build. keep your chin up.

some gays are hard to break into – but if they are that hard, then they probably aren’t a match for you and you’ll find a group that better fits who you are, your morals, your likes/dislikes.

hopefully you come back and read this!

By: Georgio

Georgio — Sun, 23 May 2010 02:30:02 +0000

I don’t know why cliques are so exclusive. I have been poorly treated by many gays and I haven’t done anything wrong to people and would like to find some friends but can’t.

By: Mike

Mike — Sun, 02 May 2010 17:42:24 +0000

God, i’m only 38 but feel so oooooold right now.
Is this highschool or what?

By: Rich

Rich — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:01:29 +0000

“Georgina, please. Nobody wants greasy pizza and Vanessa’s home movies when there’s a sushi and sake party next door! Did I mention wasabi facials?”

I blame Gossip Girl. Why so serious people?

By: Adam

Adam — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:27:39 +0000

Alex… don’t even bother.
Andrew, if you review the comments in here, the writer- alex- quite plainly explains why he wrote this article and how he reacted to the “conversation on the street”… definitely worth a read before you start worrying he’s running around telling people some dude thought he was “awesome”. It’s an article about groups and public perception- not about self-aggrandizing.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 10:09:53 +0000

Whoever wrote this article could certainly do with being taken down a peg. But self-aggrandizing articles like this are par for the course a lot of the time on this blog. A lot of the content is good and funny, but I really think we could all do without the ego.

Please, your article might as well have been “some guy told me that my friends and I are SO amazing, hot and do so much for the community! Do you think this is true???”

By: Adam

Adam — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:14:04 +0000

Alex, I’m really happy you put yourself out there and put a face to the article. I fully agree the inclusion of race in the concept of “a-gays” as completely ridiculous. I can’t imagine being called the “barely coloured” gays on homorazzi… But not a great adjective to throw around :S
I do agree that I’m glad people are “owning” what they’re saying.
Oh Alex, what’s up for next Saturday?
And, as far as my “extreme” example
goes… I find it’s the best way to test an argument… I loathe absolute statements in any situation and the only way to prove them is to go to the farthest stretch of it. That’s how I work ;)

By: Shauwn

Shauwn — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 07:35:26 +0000

Alex…I mentioned at the start of my reply that I have no idea who you or your friends are which is the beauty of a blog…now I think with the description I actually might although not sure…secondly…in what I wrote…I was not merely focusing on just what you wrote, I was also referring to what others wrote in response to your article…
One thing that I like and at least admire in all of these posts…is that at least it seems like everyone is owning up to it…from the comments that basically describe we are all looking to chase after something that we perceive that is better than ourselves all the way to get over it etc..one good thing is that at least with the gays…even if we have our own big bag of BS, we hold onto it and own it…even though from my personal perspective it is so wrong to think or acknowledge or condone or “not deny” that one is Alpha compared to the rest because of the clothes, bodies, shoes etc..and you my dear blogger, although you say that you are objective in all of this and say that you don’t consider yourself an A Gay, no where do I sense in all your comments still that you see anything wrong with the whole concept and in some dilluted way still try to justify it by saying “I don’t consider myself that but if others do, well that’s an accurate description…I just wonder what this new phenomenon is…people please enlighten me…what makes us so great..there are others and I think they are like us too..so are they A Gays too? Tell me what exactly is it that makes us so A (Sorry I paraphrased)”

In general, I also love the fact none of us realize (although myself guilty of that too) that even if people say these kind of things about our bodies, clothes etc…we are so consumed about getting that validation about what we can show on our surface from our peers that we don’t wonder what it would feel like if someone was to describe oh that group of friends is very nice, kind, friendly, inclusive, non bitchy, open, successful yet humble, personable, smart, has achieved a lot or anything else along those lines as opposed to that they have muscle, laugh a lot amongst each other and good clothes which could all be very short lived…I used to be only after that kind of gratification about what people could see on the surface of me but I am glad that gradually (will admit not there yet and may never be fully) I am starting to prefer someone say that I am a nice person and have nice and kind friends or they feel warm and welcomed in my presence or the presence of my friends…but then again I will contradict myself here by saying that plasatic is actually one of the very longest lasting substances there is and can only be recycled..so maybe there is some merrit to all that is taking place amongst the cliques and they do it because it is durable and it lasts…they don’t call it that for no reason

As for the don’t come to Homorazzi etc….touche….I never said I hate this site..as with everything else in life, there is good and bad (in here it means being selective about what you read) and also has a life span and a shelf life, so I was only stating the obvious fact that even at some point Perez Hilton will be out of fashion and so will Homorazzi and other things..that’s the point of life..out with the old and in with the new…so while it lasts…I will enjoy it with your permission and blessing and when something new comes around..then I will enjoy that…I don’t know all of the cast but I know most of them…and a limited few are really good people because they are nice, humble, welcoming and not overly cliquish and some are not and it’s fair, it’s a free country and everyone is allowed to do be who they are…so just like how one chooses to go for one brand over another, one can make that choice over who he or she associates with…but not based on the cover or the ads on TV = A Gayness i.e. same taste in clothes, same Gym, same hobbies….more so in my case because I have a genuine interest in someone’s personality to make them my friend and don’t need a multitude of people to surround me when I am out or in…in a way I guess this is cliquish too…but at least, at first I consider a blank canvas and give everything and everyone a shot…maybe because I am not insecure about certain things and don’t feel like it’s my loss if it doesn’t work…only give people as much as they are willing to give back…
so at the end…bless you for taking the time to write me such a long reply and disecting it paragraph by paragraph but please note that I am not here to attack you or anyone else for that matter…just expressing my opinion the same way you are…and my comments did not all just relate to your posting only…maybe have a second look at what others said and then read through mine again…my style of disection is more subtle and that’s why it looks like it is all aimed at you but it’s not..at least in the first reply and most of this one…

By: Adam

Adam — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:58:12 +0000

bahaha tommy… true story ;) xx